10/10 Dad Joke

You can survive almost anything through the right combination of:

Bitching and moaning

Hater-ology

Doing a goofy little bit about it

Having a buddy say "that's so fucked up" at intermittent points (you can also be your own buddy)

Destroying the cursed amulet you carry everywhere, why do you even have that thing

Why would I write when I could imagine my characters going through the story and then get upset when a copy of the work doesn’t magically appear in front of me

sorry boss can't come in today i was on my way to work and then a gentle spring breeze kissed my cheek and reminded me it is a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in this broken world

Just found out I'm related to King Henry the 8th while in recovery from an OD yesterday... gotta say, that made me feel a lot better!

PREACH

The Legend of the Snow Tit

Yes, I am dead serious and you read that right.

So.

My nieces live in South Carolina with my sister and her partner, and they just recently had snow. There were less than three inches, but I swear on chocolate and Timothee Chalamet's immaculate jawline that these girls spent six hours STRAIGHT collecting snow from my sister's driveway, all of their cars, the gotdamn mailbox, and both of their neighbors' driveways for what ended up being 12 buckets, five gallons each, of snow.

They said that they wanted to build a snowman that was taller than me, so that we could get married before he melted because apperently their only criteria for my future husband is that he's taller than I am. Don't ask... kids are weird, and these ones specifically are very distressed that I, at 19 years old, have not gotten married and provided them with a male, boy cousin. They really wanted a brother, but my sister and her partner don't want anymore kids.

Anywah, I took the girls to the mall today and it was about 50 degrees, and the snowman was already on his last legs. His head was lost at some point, likely to the heat. When we came back, the entire torso had melted into a ball vaguely the size of a golf ball and I shit you not, my six year old niece's first comment was that "it looks like a giant boob sticking out of the ground."