It's Really Such An Experience To Go From "oh This Is Really Cool Wow" To "aw Man I Like This So Much

the world is heartbreaking every day and the world is beautiful every day and we have to pay attention to both

Goldfinch on Donna Tartt's The Goldfinch

reaching the point of hyperfixation where I can no longer engage with it due to the nausea that I experience at the mere thought of seeing it on my screen is the closest I’ve ever been to being diagnosed with female hysteria

"More than anything I was relieved that in my unfamiliar babbling-and-wanting-to-talk state I'd stopped myself from blurting the thing on the edge of my tongue, the thing I'd never said, even though it was something we both knew well enough without me saying it out loud to him in the street—which was, of course, I love you."

– The Goldfinch, by Donna Tartt

I am a grown ass adult and I still get nausea when I feel like I'm in trouble. They're gonna send me to the principals office and take away my toys for a week. Can you just fucking kill me instead of making me stew in my fucking anxiety

i think the hardest thing to accept is that my life is not a novel. there is no omnipotent reader rooting for me, loving me despite my flaws and character deficits. my life does not have a poetic theme or overarching narrative, and if it ends bitterly it will not be beautifully tragic or hauntingly relatable, i will just have wasted the life i was given trying to make it that way, always trying to see myself in the third person

Goldfinch obession has surpassed "Damn, someone I know needs to read the Goldfinch already so I can scream about it!" And reached a new, previously unknown level of "In truth, maybe it's better no one has, because it stops me from grabbing their arm and begging them to get in the car, come on fuck it, one seven hour flight, we'll be eating breakfast over Amsterdam when the sun comes up? A forty-five minute drive to the Hague, and we'll be on a transformative journey to the Netherlands, looking at the Goldfinch?"

Cat silhouette.

donna tartt really said "being queer is like having something very precious and very rare and beautiful and life giving and the only real thing in a world of lies but you HAVE to keep hidden and a secret because it is a crime/morally wrong to have it/the world will fall apart beneath my feet if people find out/it will harm people I love if it comes to light/it is MINE and no one else's" and you expect me to be normal about her