Fem!chuuya For Chuuya Day 😋🩷

Fem!chuuya For Chuuya Day 😋🩷

fem!chuuya for chuuya day 😋🩷

More Posts from Theghostinabadbook and Others

3 months ago

Doing my usual "lets go back and read random BSD chapters" and I can't help but notice how different Fyodor is now to when he was first introduced.

I've made a few posts pointing out how Fyodor and Dazai have similar panels, but I'm starting to think he's actually mimicking Dazai's mannerisms on purpose now.

I don't have a lot of canon proof other than, ~a feeling~, I get looking at him, so consider this a headcanon rather than a theory.

Warning Manga spoilers under the cut!

Doing My Usual "lets Go Back And Read Random BSD Chapters" And I Can't Help But Notice How Different
Doing My Usual "lets Go Back And Read Random BSD Chapters" And I Can't Help But Notice How Different
Doing My Usual "lets Go Back And Read Random BSD Chapters" And I Can't Help But Notice How Different
Doing My Usual "lets Go Back And Read Random BSD Chapters" And I Can't Help But Notice How Different
Doing My Usual "lets Go Back And Read Random BSD Chapters" And I Can't Help But Notice How Different
Doing My Usual "lets Go Back And Read Random BSD Chapters" And I Can't Help But Notice How Different
Doing My Usual "lets Go Back And Read Random BSD Chapters" And I Can't Help But Notice How Different
Doing My Usual "lets Go Back And Read Random BSD Chapters" And I Can't Help But Notice How Different

Like, Fyodor, why does this keep happening??? Fyodor's versions of these poses also all happen later in the manga than Dazai's versions.

Now, there's the argument that Fyodor wasn't there for half of these, but we do know he's a hacker and he was obsessed with Dazai for a time. I do believe he would just sit there watching Dazai's movements on cameras to learn his patterns and habits in the name of defeating him.

Compare how he holds himself now, to how he did when he was first introduced.

Doing My Usual "lets Go Back And Read Random BSD Chapters" And I Can't Help But Notice How Different
Doing My Usual "lets Go Back And Read Random BSD Chapters" And I Can't Help But Notice How Different
Doing My Usual "lets Go Back And Read Random BSD Chapters" And I Can't Help But Notice How Different

He's a shut in who bites his nails, doesn't take care of his posture or appearance. He's so used to being behind the curtains he's off putting to be directly around.

Whereas Dazai is a chameleon, he blends in anywhere he goes. If I was an immortal so out of touch with my own humanity and basic identity, I probably pick someone to mimic their behaviours too.

Ironic that he choose the man who doesn't consider himself human to learn from.

I'm also drawn to this panel specifically.

Doing My Usual "lets Go Back And Read Random BSD Chapters" And I Can't Help But Notice How Different

(Very suspicious choice of words there, considering the current manga arc, but I digress)

Typically when we think of vampires, we think of blood sucking immortals, but the vampire we have in BSD is based of Dracula. Dracula specifically poses the question of "What if vampires stole who you are as well?". The idea that you can't consume someone's very life without having their soul linger on with you.

The Count learns to blend in with modern society through Johnathan, from learning from him and by feeding off him. Mina, Renfield and Lucy all slowly lose who they are the more influence the Count has over them.

This panel says he's soulless, he's 'empty', he's a vampire waiting to steal someone else's soul to fill him up. Now, that could be a hint at what his ability turned out to be, but it could also mean how he's mimicking Dazai.

But why mimic Dazai?

Well, simply put, he was the only one Fyodor saw as an equal and we know he wanted a companion who he considered to be his equal. So why not make himself more like the man he wants at his side. To obtain Dazai, he became Dazai.

Problem is Dazai hates himself, he also seems to dislike any character that's convinced they are the same. (Note: Not characters Dazai sees himself in, like Atsushi, but characters who insist to him that they are the same, like Mori and Fyodor)

It was a doomed plot from the start.

However, Dazai is no longer his goal. Atsushi is. Fyodor knows Atsushi greatly admires Dazai, so continuing to mimic Dazai's mannerisms to connect them together in Atsushi's mind could be part of his plan now.


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4 months ago

Gifs of all of Lucy’s ability animations in mayoi

The resource on the mayoi wiki has them all sped up so I slowed them down to what I think is their original speed. Sharing is caring so here you go

Gifs Of All Of Lucy’s Ability Animations In Mayoi
Gifs Of All Of Lucy’s Ability Animations In Mayoi
Gifs Of All Of Lucy’s Ability Animations In Mayoi
Gifs Of All Of Lucy’s Ability Animations In Mayoi
Gifs Of All Of Lucy’s Ability Animations In Mayoi
Gifs Of All Of Lucy’s Ability Animations In Mayoi
Gifs Of All Of Lucy’s Ability Animations In Mayoi
Gifs Of All Of Lucy’s Ability Animations In Mayoi
Gifs Of All Of Lucy’s Ability Animations In Mayoi
Gifs Of All Of Lucy’s Ability Animations In Mayoi
Gifs Of All Of Lucy’s Ability Animations In Mayoi
Gifs Of All Of Lucy’s Ability Animations In Mayoi
Gifs Of All Of Lucy’s Ability Animations In Mayoi
Gifs Of All Of Lucy’s Ability Animations In Mayoi

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4 months ago

Demon With No Name

An analysis on Upper Moon Two: Douma

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba spoilers!!

Hello! ❤ I wanted to discuss the significance on Douma’s real name never being revealed to us in the KNY story.

I’d love it if you guys could share your thoughts on this with me please!

Continuar lendo


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5 months ago

The Agency's Older Brother: or, Ranpo's Character Development

The Agency's Older Brother: Or, Ranpo's Character Development

I want to talk about Ranpo and the development he goes through in the series, because for as much as Ranpo is an important member of the Agency, his story is focused on in small chunks that may not always, at first read, seem to be overly significant. In fact, Ranpo’s arc is very consistent and I’m fascinated to know where it’s building to, because he’s done a lot of growing in the series. A lot of the themes of his story are to do with responsibility and faith in others.

The Ranpo we meet at the beginning of the story is not the Ranpo we see now. The biggest change is that he’s a lot more personally involved with the struggles of the Agency members, taking it on himself to be proactive and protective, while previously he had to be pushed and bribed into helping much of the time. When did this change?

Well...

The Agency's Older Brother: Or, Ranpo's Character Development
The Agency's Older Brother: Or, Ranpo's Character Development

[ID: Two screenshots from a scene in Poe's introductory episode of the Bungou Stray Dogs anime. In the first screenshot, Yosano lies on the carpeted ground, an axe embedded in her chest, blood pooling around her. Ranpo is crouched beside her, supporting her shoulders with one hand and clasping her hand with the other. The second screenshot is a close up of Ranpo's distressed face. End ID.]

The thing is, it's almost easy to overlook the effect this scene had on Ranpo, because Poe’s introductory chapter/episode is such a brief one. Moreover, afterwards, Poe becomes an ally and is a bit of a silly character, so it’s easy to forget sometimes that he was a legitimate threat here - and Yosano nearly died for it. This scene was incredibly significant to Ranpo for a few notable reasons.

It’s the first time someone in the Agency was in serious trouble/died without a backup plan.

It is, unfortunately, kind of on him. (Let me be real clear here: I am not blaming Ranpo. But he probably was blaming himself and that's something to keep in mind.)

To recap: Poe pulls Ranpo into his novel out of revenge, also trapping Yosano, who went with him. Ranpo realizes that they are in a world with no abilities, and importantly, he doesn't have the glasses Fukuzawa gave him.

We know those glasses mean a lot to him. When Ranpo was at his lowest, when he was convinced the world hated him, Fukuzawa gave him those glasses and told him he had a special ability. That he had a gift that no one else did that allowed him to see the truth that no one else could. Untold Origins makes it very clear that if Fukuzawa hadn't reached out to Ranpo when he did, Ranpo may have forever been outcasted. He was a kid kept in a bubble then suddenly and rudely shoved into a world he was unprepared to cope with, where he continued to get rejected and thrown out over and over - and all this on top of the grief he felt from his parents' passing. Ranpo was bitter and terrified of people, and thought everyone was pretending to be oblivious just to hurt him. Fukuzawa saved him the only way he could, in the only way Ranpo would hear him. It's not an exaggeration to say Fukuzawa saved Ranpo's life. And, while cute, it's also telling how quickly those glasses became an intrinsic part of his identity. Only maybe twenty minutes after he first received them, he was already making little doodles of himself wearing them.

Suddenly, the glasses are gone, and Ranpo goes into a funk because he "can't activate his ability without them". Obviously, we know that isn't true, and so does Yosano. Ranpo probably, deep down, knows this too, but to admit that would be to admit the president lied to him, and to uproot the very thing that gave him the means to perceive the world in a brighter light. The reason Fukuzawa had to lie in the first place was because the truth would be to tell Ranpo that his parents lied to him, something he angrily denies could ever be the case. And now, Fukuzawa is very plainly stated to be Ranpo's adoptive father. Ranpo's parents do not lie to him. He does not want to see it - and so he doesn't. This is a recurring thing with Ranpo. For as much as he sees the truth clearly, he also chooses not to see it at times when it would be uncomfortable/go against the intuition of someone he deeply trusts and respects.

And I think it's very easy to just leave it there, and say, "Oh, Ranpo realized at the end of this chapter/episode that he didn't need the glasses, that he doesn't have an ability, and that's a key turning point" but I don't feel that's the full picture or even the focus here, especially since Ranpo still hasn't reached the point where he can properly admit it aloud, even to Yosano.

The thing is, those glasses aren't just of use to Ranpo - they have sentimental value. A heck of a lot of it, for a character who is not very sentimental. The real turning point here is that Ranpo put on Yosano's glasses in order to save her.

The Agency's Older Brother: Or, Ranpo's Character Development

[ID: A screenshot of a panel from the Bungou Stray Dogs manga. Ranpo puts on a pair of glasses. His hair is blown out of his face and he wears an intense expression. End ID.]

Shortly before this, we are informed by Yosano that not only was the Agency specifically formed for Ranpo to make use of his talents, but also that it was Ranpo who invited her to join - which we later learn was a pivotal moment for her to start over after she was completely broken by her experiences in the war. And now, he is watching her bleed out because she had to take over. Because he couldn't solve it. And that, to Ranpo, is unacceptable.

But again, there's more to it. Ranpo is fundamentally a self-centered character - this is not a judgement; I actually love that about him. He's the center of the Agency, the (ostensibly) good guys of the series; a narcissistic guy with little in the way of sensitivity who wants to use his skills to help others. Not for some higher ideal, or because it's "right" necessarily, but because he's good at it, and because he's supposed to protect all the "babies" who can't solve things for themselves. I love it because it highlights a major theme of BSD, which is good as something you do rather than something you are, and also because it explains something about Ranpo himself.

See, if everyone in the world is a "baby" who needs Ranpo's assistance, then the people in the Agency are a little different. They're people hand-picked by Fukuzawa to support him, both through praise and through backup. Remember that Ranpo trusts Fukuzawa's judgement more than anything - this means that he expects the Agency members can handle themselves. So, in chapter 10, when Ranpo doesn't really care that Atsushi has been taken, citing that it's a "personal problem" and he should handle it, I really think this was some odd form of "Atsushi will be fine" and "why should I worry or do anything when I know he'll be fine". And in the past, this has been true - the Agency members always pull through. None of them, up until that point, have been in a situation that they couldn't eventually fix. Ranpo has a bubble of safety in the Agency, that basically amounts to a "villain of the week" type beat from his perspective, where troubles gets fixed up pretty quickly. All in a day's work.

But then Yosano dies in Poe's book, someone he actually had some level of responsibility for when he invited her to join his safe little circle in a world that had no place for people like them. And it's a direct result of Ranpo's refusal/inability to act.

In order to fix this, Ranpo uses Yosano's glasses. The lens he's seeing through has changed. The people in the Agency were initially "his" in that they were meant to support Ranpo, the special one "chosen" by Fukuzawa's glasses, the reason for the Agency's existence in the first place. But now the people in the Agency are "his" in that they are his to protect. He's their big brother they all look up to in a way, and as the big brother, he's got to take responsibility for their safety.

Why did this not stand out in the moment? Well, we learn something about Ranpo from Untold Origins: he's very good at pretending he's doing okay and things aren't bothering him as much as they are. He's able to hold it together up until it all comes spilling out of him during the play. Also, I do think Ranpo cares about people a good deal more than he'd have you believe. A common fanon thing about Ranpo (from what I've seen) is that he tends to forget people, which, I can see how one would come to that conclusion, but I actually think it's completely wrong. I don't think Ranpo's forgotten a single person he's accused. I don't think he's forgotten a single person he's helped.

He lied about not remembering Poe, in fact, he remembered him pretty fondly as a real challenge. He remembers the information on a person from the Special Division he was asked to look into and gave the info to Mushitarou to allow him an in. He recognizes an officer he'd helped, and it's implied he recognizes every single officer who had been present while he was working on cases in the past. Does this mean he cares about all of them? ...eh. Probably not. But it does mean that Ranpo keeps a lot of his cards close to his chest. He's disarming with his intentional childishness. And so it can be difficult for the characters and readers both to notice that events like Yosano's almost-death... actually bothered him a lot more than he let on.

Because it was his fault. Because she was his responsibility. Because he's supposed to be invincible.

And unfortunately, the story from here on out does not get any kinder to Ranpo as his safe bubble that is the Agency is repeatedly targeted in ways that are increasingly hard to repair.

Fukuzawa falls ill and nearly dies in Cannibalism arc.

A girl gets blown up and Kunikida ends up in jail because Fyodor managed to manipulate Ranpo's intel.

Mushitarou is believed to have been shot and killed trying to warn Ranpo about the Decay of Angels plan.

Taneda bleeds out from a stab wound and falls into a coma. Ranpo can do nothing but listen and cannot get him help.

The amount of times Ranpo has seen people nearly die in front of him... bro it's almost as bad as Kunikida.

Much like Kunikida having extreme faith in his lofty ideals which make him fall just that much harder when he fails to uphold them, Ranpo has practically zero self-doubt and complete and utter confidence in his abilities... so when problems arise, Ranpo is very harsh on himself. He takes the blame because he's supposed to be better than that. Because he is the one with the powerful "ability" that should never fail.

In this sense, Ranpo's position in the Agency reminds me a lot of a certain person in the Port Mafia, someone who also has a powerful skill he puts towards protecting his own, someone who also received life changing words from the boss which earned him his loyalty, and someone who would do anything to defend the only place in the world he feels secure.

I think there's definitely a reason Cannibalism arc had Ranpo and Chuuya face off, I'm just saying. Both of them ostracized and thrown out as young teens by people who should've been looking out for them. Both the instigators of that arc, proactive and desperate to protect the person they are most loyal to who changed their perspectives. They've even got the same power stance, look. :P

The Agency's Older Brother: Or, Ranpo's Character Development
The Agency's Older Brother: Or, Ranpo's Character Development

[ID: Two panels from the Bungou Stray Dogs manga. The first is a panel of Ranpo with the silhouette of Fyodor behind him. He is standing with his hands in his pockets, facing front with his head tilted back and to the left a little, a fierce expression on his face and his cloak billowing outwards. The second is a panel of Chuuya standing in a similar manner, arms crossed, facing front with a fierce expression as his coat billows out around him. End ID.]

Of course, there's more interesting comparisons and contrasts to be drawn between them, but I'm focusing on Ranpo in this analysis, so I think I've made my point. Chuuya is the Port Mafia's best martial artist. Ranpo is the Agency's strongest man. And that places a burden of responsibility on them that they both believe they must uphold. They're both ready and willing to do whatever it takes.

The thing is though, is that Ranpo doesn't actually have an ability. When up against someone like Chuuya, he is at a distinct disadvantage, and he knows it. "Regular people can't defeat ability users". But he's still going to come up with a way to do it anyways, and why?

The Agency's Older Brother: Or, Ranpo's Character Development

[ID: A screencap from the Bungou Stray Dogs anime. The members of the Agency all stand around Ranpo, who is seated at his desk with a smile, one hand holding his cap, the other held up in a casual gesture. The image is filtered in a soft light. End ID.]

Because his friends think he's invincible.

If Ranpo wants to maintain his safe place in a world of fear, then he has to step up to defend it, and he has to get creative about it. And that's exactly what he does. Ranpo becomes steadily more active throughout the story, which is a huge change from the start, where he had to be practically bribed to help at all. I see a lot of people point out his channeling of Fyodor's tactics to secure Kunikida's release, which is definitely a dark turn for his character, but it's not the only change.

Ranpo is now choosing to place his faith in others, the first obvious instance of this being his use of Poe's novels - which was how he defeated Chuuya. Ranpo knows that he is not going to succeed against people who drastically overpower him all alone, even if he does still take things on as personal burdens. He's also far more obvious about his protectiveness, going on the rescue himself to save the Agency members, driving a car (whereas before he needed someone to take transit with him - another indication of his increased proactivity since he's now literally driving instead of being driven), and bodily shoving Atsushi out of harm's way.

It all culminates in one of my favourite Ranpo scenes where he speaks at the conference to the police, who've worked with him before, where he asks if they will think for themselves - and tells everyone gathered there that anyone can be a detective if they think for themselves and look with their own eyes (!!!). He manages to get half the police force on his side, just through his words and his logic alone! Minoura assumes he somehow knew it would all work out, because, well, it's Ranpo. Ranpo knows everything.

But...

The Agency's Older Brother: Or, Ranpo's Character Development

[ID: An image from the Bungou Stray Dogs manga. Ranpo sits in the passenger seat of a car with an honest, helpless smile. End ID.]

He reveals he didn't know if his ploy would work at all. He had to trust that it would with no solid proof. He had to trust these people would use their heads and look beyond the obvious. He respects these people enough that he thinks at least some of them will make the right call.

Fourteen year old Ranpo, bitter and estranged from other people, would never. For him to have come such a long way is testament to the security that the Agency provided him with. In a way, Fukuzawa forming the Agency allowed Ranpo to "complete" his childhood in relative safety, so that when the world became hostile once again and his family destabilized, Ranpo had matured enough to meet it and defend himself and those he has a responsibility towards head on. The Agency is his family, and Ranpo cares for them enough that he puts his faith, not just in them, but in the people they put their faith in too.

The Agency's Older Brother: Or, Ranpo's Character Development

[ID: A panel from the Bungou Stray Dogs manga. Ranpo is kneeling in front of Fukuchi, who is sitting backwards on his chair to face him. End ID.]

...aaaaand then Fukuchi went and ruined it. Thanks, Fukuchi.

Ranpo again chooses to put his trust in someone without proof because Fukuzawa trusts him, only for that to have gotten thrown back into his face in the worst way possible. And it's in this regard, the trust aspect, that I think we'll see Ranpo develop as the story goes on.

Will he continue to show this tentative faith in people? Or will he begin to hyper-analyze, unwilling to trust again without proof?

If this arc gets resolved decently well, I think Ranpo will have no issue brushing this off as a one-time thing. However, if what I fear might happen does and Fukuzawa doesn't make it out of this arc... Ranpo will be destabilized.

I don't know that Ranpo would go "bad" per se. He likes the other Agency members. He cares about them - that's genuine. But if Fukuzawa dies, then Ranpo may begin to take darker actions in order to keep them safe, almost overprotective and harshly logical, with little room for blind trust or risks in the name of justice or honour. It may put him at odds with Kunikida, in that Ranpo may start to develop a strong "do what's necessary" mentality, even if that may be immoral. He may regress a little into his old trust issues.

However, I really don't think Ranpo will go too far down the path of darkness, even if the worst should happen. He's a lot tougher than he seems, and he has a good support system in the Agency. I guess it remains to be seen where Ranpo's story takes him next.

Until then...

The Agency's Older Brother: Or, Ranpo's Character Development

[ID: A screencap from the Bungo Stray Dogs anime. Ranpo sits in his chair in a cuter art style, having taken a bite from the pastry he has in his left hand. End ID.]

I love one good boy. :)


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6 months ago

Me, realizing there's gonna be a Storm Bringer manga adaptation and we're gonna get to see The Flags, Chuuya's party, them playing pool, Adam's pigeon impression, Murase, Hirotsu dressed as Mori, "You're filthy" "Kiss my ass" and Chuuya's punishment for Dazai:

Me, Realizing There's Gonna Be A Storm Bringer Manga Adaptation And We're Gonna Get To See The Flags,

Me, realizing we'll also see everything else that happens in Storm Bringer:

Me, Realizing There's Gonna Be A Storm Bringer Manga Adaptation And We're Gonna Get To See The Flags,

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3 months ago
Commission For @/DeeVee_Cake On Twitter! Robin And Chopper Having A Chill Reading Session
Commission For @/DeeVee_Cake On Twitter! Robin And Chopper Having A Chill Reading Session
Commission For @/DeeVee_Cake On Twitter! Robin And Chopper Having A Chill Reading Session

Commission for @/DeeVee_Cake on twitter! Robin and Chopper having a chill reading session


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5 months ago

I often hear the argument that Luffy is dumb, and I can't help but be ticked off every time I hear someone say it, because Luffy isn't dumb, he's simply carefree. And I mean that in the literal sense of the word. Luffy truly does not have a care in the world. Luffy chooses not to complicate things. He does things for the simple fact of wanting to and he purposely refuses to learn about people, situations, and the nuances involved with both because the nuance just pollutes the true nature of the subjects. Luffy doesn't choose to do these things out of ignorance or selfishness, but because in the grand scheme of things, all the information that he chooses to ignore is wholly unimportant both by Luffy's own standards and to the development of the story as well. What Luffy deems unimportant does not matter at all to how things play out in the anime.

Luffy, at his core, is an incredible judge of character. Luffy's relationship with Tama is a perfect example of this. By all accounts Luffy's first impression of Tama should have been negative. She came off as a little bit mean and stand-offish. However, Luffy in his natural Luffy-fashion is unbothered. He didn't need Tama to tell him or show him explicitly the kind of person she was to understand her as a person. Despite the fact that she was a little girl, Luffy treated her with basic respect right off the bat. Luffy didn't see her as child, but rather as the self-sufficient human she was. Of course his fondness for her was only furthered by the food that Tama gave him. Luffy didn't need to know anything more about Tama after he heard that she had given him her last shares of food. He didn't need to hear Tama's sad story to understand her. She treated him with kindness, like she would a friend, even though they had just met. Luffy would go to the ends of the earth for her over that simple fact. He had no desire to learn of Wano's history to better understand how Tama got to this point in her life. All he needed to do and all thay he wanted to do was return a kindness. And that he did.

The same can be said for the part Luffy plays in Nami's story. When Nami 'betrayed' Luffy, he'd simply brushed it off. Once again, Luffy knew who Nami was without having to ask and without her having to show him explicitly. Luffy saw her 'betrayal' yet did not take it at face value. Luffy refuses to leave her behind because everything Nami had said/done in that situation muddled Luffy's inherent and instinctive understanding of her character. This next bit is ironic to say because Luffy often makes decisions with his stomach rather than his head, but its clear that Luffy would rather trust his gut feeling than try to understand Nami's actions which appeared entirely contradictory to Luffy's perception of her personality/character.

This theme rings true throughout the whole anime. This happens when Luffy chooses to trust Law on Punk Hazard over Law's rather dubious choices without needing or wanting an explanation from him. This happens when he rescues Zoro at the very beginning of the anime and he simply trusts this well-known pirate hunter not to cut him down right of the post. I beg of you all, please do not dilute Luffy's complex character design down to something so trivial as him simply "being stupid".

Sorry for the tangent, I have just always felt people who say this about Luffy sell him and his whole character design short. There is so much more that I could say about this too. I could go into detail about the ways in which Luffy is as smart as the rest of the crew (in different ways than them obviously), but that would call for several more paragraphs, so I'll just cut it here I think.

Anyways tell me what y'all think, I'm curious.


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4 months ago

suegiku is absolutely insane like can we take a moment. at first their relationship is played off like a joke like haha tecchou watches ants and jouno hates him but man. man. the fact that tecchou is a man who places justice over everything, while jouno is a sadistic fuck who appears to have no moral code. but theyre partners!! tecchou reigns in jouno when he gets too out of hand. and THEN

tecchou wholeheartedly believing that jouno is a "hero that despises violence and protects the weak", when even the man who recruited jouno and inspired him to save others in the first place only did so because he thought jouno would be easy to use in villainy. of everyone, tecchou is the only one who believes in jouno:s goodness; the one who has spent the most time with him, the one who is known for being singleminded and terrifyingly focused when it comes to destroying evil, the one who's dumb as a brick and oblivious as hell. and he's right!! jouno refuses to join fukuchi. he proves fukuchi wrong. fukuchi was the one who originally saved him and gave him a second chance in helping others, and it was all so he could eventually use him as an assassin. and even though that was a lie, jouno still became a better person, and found someone that believes in him. GRAH.


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theghostinabadbook - Bsd altered my brain chemistry
Bsd altered my brain chemistry

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