If The Batfam All Starred In One Commercial Together What Would It Be? How Would The Commercial Go? Who

If the batfam all starred in one commercial together what would it be? How would the commercial go? Who would be in their hero personas vs. who would be civilians?

I hope you know I hated writing every word

The commercial opens with Alfred getting ready in the morning and brushing his teeth with Colgate toothpaste while telling himself he needed the extra enamel protection. The camera then cuts to him putting the final touches on his suit and opening a drawer full of fancy watches, choosing a gold Rolex.

He then goes downstairs to start breakfast, where he switches on the Keurig and refills the water using a Brita filter. Damian slides down the banister and reaches for the Fruity Pebbles to go with his Silk almondmilk. When Alfred objects, Damian says, “But Alfred, Fruity Pebbles contain essential daily nutrients like 25% of your Vitamin B6.”

Just as Damian finishes breakfast, Dick rushes down, grabs a cup of coffee, and tells Damian he’s gonna be late. They hop into a Mercedes Benz where Dick uses the voice commands to “Play that song from the Huggies commercial on Spotify” and the car starts playing Born To Be Wild.

At school, Damian catches up with Carrie for their art class. Carrie dumps a backpack full of Crayola markers onto the table and they start drawing. Halfway through, Colin Wilkes interrupts Damian with his Nintendo Switch, where he’s playing Pokémon Sun and Moon. The whole class gathers around, with the window beside them.

The ad then zooms past the window into an ordinary-looking car. The driver has his phone propped up with the Lyft app telling him the directions. In the back seat, Signal is watching through the window while licking a spoonful of Sabra hummus when he spots an MCU monster leap across a building as the streets break into chaos. Signal hops out of the moving car and redirects the civilians away from the chaos before saying into his comms, “We got a situation here.”

Cut to Spoiler already on the roof, gravel crunching beneath her Nikes. She battles a round with the monster before spotting a masked culprit manipulating it from the ground. She swings down to confront him, but before she can get to him he runs down into the subway tunnels. Spoiler follows, only to be stopped by the turnstiles requiring a ticket. Thinking fast, she whips out her Capital One credit card and gets her tickets from the machine. 

She runs across the subway platform past Cullen, who doesn’t notice the commotion as he’s listening to a podcast with Beats headphones while munching on a Taco Bell burrito. She follows the villain on top of a moving train only to lose him above ground in the crowd. Then, she pulls out her Samsung flip phone and opens up the tracker she put on him in the fight.

Back on the ground, Red Robin gets the ping and hops on his Harley Davidson. While riding, he spots traffic up ahead so he says, “Hey Google, find me a shortcut.” RR takes a detour through an alleyway, accidentally spilling a bag of Blue Buffalo that the stray dogs come and chown down. He spots the culprit disappear into a busy plaza full of businesses. He parks his bike and enters a Red Robin restaurant, where he orders a basket of bottomless steak fries, pulls out his iPad, and tries to triangulate the villain’s location.

Then, Red Hood plops in front of him and orders a glass of Jack Daniels. They’re talking when suddenly, a group of henchmen enter the restaurant and hold everyone hostage as they demand the restaurant give them all their ice cream. Red Hood leaps in before they could take the Klondike bars and throws them through the tables while his voiceover says, “Now you know what I’ll do for a Klondike bar.” Red Robin stops him before he can go too far and hands him a Snickers, saying, “You’re not you when you’re hungry.” hey tie the goons up and find a piece of paper detailing where the main criminal will be, and they sent the intel to the person who’s closest: Orphan. 

Orphan is out on a longer country road but has full bars thanks to Verizon’s 5G family plan. She catches up to the mystery villain and they’re neck-and-neck in a high-speed chase. She lands a tracking chip but he lands a shot in her front tire, forcing her to stop with nothing but woods around her. Suddenly, a chipper little gecko hops onto her bike and tells her about GEICO’s motorcycle insurance and roadside assistance. While she’s getting her bike fixed, she starts sneezing from the pollen and gives Selina a quick call asking her to grab some Claritin. 

We then cut to Selina shopping, where she grabs the Claritin alongside a pack of extra-absorbent Tampax and a bag of Lays potato chips, getting of course a generous Walgreens discount that comes as one of many perks to her Bank of America card. She then heads to Kate’s house. Kate, who’s in the kitchen, is notified by her Ring doorbell camera. They greet each other and set up in the living room, where HBO Max gives them a whole bunch of choices. 

In the middle of watching Game of Thrones, the WiFi suddenly cuts out. They call Harper, who tells them they should switch to Xfinity not just for their house, but to use anywhere they go. While reconnecting the TV, parts of the wall fall apart so Harper heads to Home Depot to get the supplies to fix it. After buying the supplies, she counts her quarters and heads for the vending machine. 

It eats her money and she’s just about to give up trying to get her drink when Batman puts in a dollar and gets two cans of refreshing Coca-Cola. He hands one to her and keeps the other. He takes a sip right as he spots the Villain of the Day on another building’s rooftop. Batman tosses his drink aside and corners the villain, who turns out to be Condiment King armed with the deadliest form of superheated Heinz ketchup. Condiment King fought hard, but Batman was always one step ahead thanks to the battle strategies he learned from leveling up his kingdom in Raid: Shadow Legends. 

Batman defeats Condiment King by throwing him off the roof, where he lands on Commissioner Gordon’s car, much to the latter’s shock. It sets off the alarm and Batman gives a quick apology before carting Condiment King away. The Commissioner shakily makes a call to State Farm, who’s there for him like a good neighbor. Jake from State Farm asks what the red stuff on the windshield is and it’s ketchup, so the Commissioner quickly pulls out his handy Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to wipe it up. He also texts his daughter saying he’ll be late.

At home, Barbara tells her dad not to worry because she has Pepperidge Farms’ ready-made frozen meals. While it’s heating up, she switches her glasses and logs onto her computer as Oracle. She gets a notification that there were 26 failed attempts at hacking into her computer. She smiles smugly because it’s all thanks to NordVPN that her devices are safe and she can do her duty as a Gotham hero. The commercial ends with her voiceover going, “To download, go to www.nordvpn.com and enter the promo code ORACLE for 30% off your first 3 months.”