Anxious Anxiety

Boom!

Impending doom

Anticipating the "boom!"

I got sent the invitation

To sticky isolation

The deathly scent of flowers

Looking at the world alone at the top of the Eiffel Tower

A lonely gold filled casket

No more money in the basket

That money was wasted

Just imagine how bad that tasted

Every breath,

Is one closer to death

Then I feel insecure

In a crowd of people, doesn't matter what store

Anxiety still in the room

Sitting there waiting for the "boom!"

I try to hug the earth but all I do is hit the floor

It hurts but I go back for more

Sara, I can imagine you popping up out of nowhere

Depressing reality, but I still care

I can feel the wall of basses

The sickening sound of them not in their cases

Still feeling the arriving doom

Just around the loom

Then the crowd of violins start to rain

And the dark basses in my ears, they stain

The basses echo and rumble in my gut

Running from my problems, out of the room I rebely strut

World and Politics

Why can’t we all be more like death?

Not giving a care

But taking all

Fighting those with a strong will to live, very unfair Bringing people back home to their center of magic earth

Stardust people

Why can’t we work together and fight this?

Is it because some believe it’s the end and not to mess with the steeple I guess to get a compromise they must argue themselves in circles

Two sides like an infinity sign

Adding onto ideas and holding ground back and forth

I think we the people need to rewind What are we actually trying to achieve?

Rather than spewing insults and points back and forth

We could keep the goal in mind, for us to save the world

The glaciers melting in the North We the people, never forget to shake hands at the end

That’s my favorite part

When we all come together,

We are all on this planet with similar problems; I hope we can live heart to heart

In The Beginning

In the beginning

I was on a road

That was headed toward only good things In the beginning

I did not realize that it was

Only too good to be true All it took

Was one

Night And now I don't 

Even remember what

The beginning was like Just a few hours deceased

And they killed my naive stupidity with them

For thinking about sunshine and rainbows I want to be

So far in the end

That all is forgotten

Blue Jay

She comes up to me just because I was alone

Little did she know I had been texting my friend on my phone

She proceeded to ask me a simple question

While on the inside I died and didn’t let out a groan

I was so anxious I almost pissed

What she said I almost missed

She caught me off guard

As I almost failed to answer in my panic she tsked

Why do I get singled out?

I'm not the kind who will pout

I felt like running to guidance

Is it that clear that I don’t belong here?; I have to stop the self doubt

Please stop asking me if this is where I belong because I’ll fucking leave school if you want

My existence alone seems to cause you so much trouble, when all I'm doing is reading my font

I'm minding my business so you should mind yours

Then again you don’t seem to mind just like my uncle and aunt

I wanted to run

With her I'm am so done

She’s an intrusive judge of society

She reminds me of the days my face would feel as hot as the sun

I wanted to fly

But I was stuck under her painful stare and I sure did die

Her voice seemed to flow in a different language

If only I had the life of a newspaper and a house fly

I dreamed of running, running, flying like a blue jay

A little bird is trying to keep me happy without any delay

I feel horrible about being more of a bee

He deserves more of a girlfriend who is in class A

I'm all anxious and my life sucks

I'm trying to stop giving any fucks

I do love how he said something I have always been thinking about this place

You really don’t fall in love the same way twice; so I don’t know, shucks

It’s entirely my fault

That my life has been at a halt

You're going to have so much fun with my stubbornness and my awkwardness

I love how I can’t tell who’s the ocean and who’s the salt

I Am Grendel

I am Grendel

I hate the sound of laughter

It just leaves me angry after

I am Grendel

I like to be alone

I'm a monster with a heart of stone

I am Grendel

When I see someone having fun

I get the impulse to run

I am Grendel

I’ve been around

And Beowulf threw me to the ground

I am Grendel

All I need is love

But I only seem to get shoved

I am Grendel

Why can't anyone see?

They don’t get me

I am Grendel

Always misunderstood

No one ever believed in me and told me that I could

I am Grendel

No one understands

Always getting canned

I am Grendel

I don’t mean to be bitter

Too bad people never consider

I am Grendel

I get laughed at for the way I look

I get out of this world by reading books

I am Grendel

Did you pay attention to what you said?

Because of you I am dead

I am Grendel

I can’t keep going

The current is too strong and keeps flowing

I am Grendel

I've bled out

There is so much self doubt

I am Grendel

I don’t know what to do, I am lost

Their insults in my heart are permanently embossed

I am Grendel

I just wish it would stop

I'm never on the top

I am Grendel

I've never been shone

Just leave me alone

New Neighbors

Sweep sweep

I can hear you sweeping at 11 at night

And I like it

I felt like I was the only awake at this time in the world

All alone

Trying to figure out how the world works

But your bristles whispered a sweet lullaby to my ear

And it sang of frustration and hard work

And the classic evil shadows that lurk and try to get to me

The only one left

To feel the weight of the unknown variables

Trying to make sense of my senseless senses and poorly formed sentences

Shweep shweep

Maybe you are nesting

Maybe I want to be resting and in bed

I bet the garage light is on while you sweep

And I bet it looks warm

From my calculated cold point of view

A Crack In My Self Loathing

I accidentally just fell in love with myself

It was a crack in my self loathing that will soon be mended

It was the messy hair

That was still messy despite the ponytail

Despite my favorite hat containing it

It was my blue eyes

Looking at me

In my baggy hand-me-down shirt

That makes me feel

Comfortable

It was knowing that I had clay all over me

A mess

But that's exactly what I am

And I know its a flaw

But sometimes

It's the one style I know how to rock

Part mess and part artist

I wasn't trying to love myself in this moment

It just happened

When I looked in the mirror

Because I was about to brush my teeth for the night

This One Guy

This one guy,

Has no hope

He's stuck in a hole without a rope

He believes that he doesn't have a future

He is too scared to tell her

What do think of this guy?

This one man,

Told her that he liked her

To him it's a blur

A streak of let downs

The waves of the sea creating sand mounds

This was a man

This was a boy,

He didn't have a dad

His name, John Conrad

He only has one good friend

Seems like he wishes his life would end

This fellow...

This guy,

Lost hope

When he didn't even need a rope

He didn't think outside of the box

Enjoyed the danger of the savage fox

This idiot...

This one,

Had conversations that were hazy

Drove a phasey girl crazy

Fake Friends

Why are you whispering behind my back?

Intelligence is what you lack

Are you too scared of me?

Baby?

Why are you doing this to me?

Why can’t you just let me be?

Where did you go?

You should know

Our friendship was growing strong

What you are doing is wrong

No one gives a shit

Go die in a pit

What happened to you?

You are now making me extremely blue

What did I do to you?

To make you go

So now you have made me go this low

I hope you’re happy now

Your ego is getting to be as fat as a cow

You should be nice to others as your way to the top because they are the ones you’ll see on your way down

I hope you bought a nice gown

You're the one who's going to need it most

At least I don’t boast

Unlike you

I'm going to start new

Without you

Questions

I hate this life

This life

Of other people trying

Trying to know everything about me

I don’t just get interrogated once, but twice too many times

I cant handle all these questions, questions, QUESTIONS!

That echo too loudly in my brain

Because I know that they will get analyzed,

In every way possible

Along with

All of my actions

I brought this upon myself

By answer one or two questions

Can you just let me

Make my own decisions and choices

Without having to be a part of it

I'm an adult now and yet

You still treat me like a baby,

That has no knowledge at all

And because of you I can't concentrate

On success

And that’s why you're being so difficult with me

Because you don’t want me to turn out

Like you

But you're making success harder

Than it really needs to be

And your sweet voice

Doesn’t help

It doesn’t make anything better

And you can't persuade me with it