A Crack In My Self Loathing

Wings

They had their adventures.,

Stolen from me

Because every history teacher will tell you not to repeat history

When I have costly dentures,

You’ll still be polluting the planet

With your fossil fuel consuming machines

Let me have MY own fun alone

Stretching my wings; You banned it!

You cautiously clipped ‘em right off

It was all for me; Done in the name of love

You did it out of worry

Keep me in the bubble, thought you fed me through a trough

Pruned wings reality

And lately you’re mad at me for not flying

You held me back with the help of English

Your impeding knives are the cause of my brutality

Will my feathers solder themselves back to-get-her to get him?

If they do, I will fly free

I want to go higher than my far mates have gone

No one claps as my light grows dim

I hope to have lungs that breathe in space

Break out of this soon slow to die universe

Where nothing will exist

Not your face

My soring muscles have taken shape

They hurt my back

Now people can’t see my incomprehensible story

I should wear a cape,

To hide my bald, ugly duckling wings

I plucked them myself; Aren’t you proud?

“Safety comes first”

The raw, tender pain still strikingly stings

Solitary Confinement

It felt like solitary confinement

They have my finger print

All the windows had a tint

It was hard to see

Anything but all the problems wrong with me

Drowning in the unknowing sea

Been here so long I’ve got belly button lint

Can they take the silence as a hint?

May I have a breath mint?

Outside I can hear them talking

The secrets are shocking

That door I’m locking

The things I hide

Behind some deceptive lies

My heart dies

Inside here I have no control

Maybe he is secretly the troll

Trapped is my soul

My body is so tense

Just hop the fence

It sounds like I don’t make sense

Inside I’m dead

Heavy as lead

I don’t look fed

I wonder what they are saying

In here I’m slowly but surely decaying

The video cameras revealing everything, replaying

Somehow they forgot me

I long to be free

The new, changed world, I want to see

When is the last time I saw the bright shooting stars?

As I try to imagine mars,

Through the cold, rusty, thick, medal bars

At somebody getting in their car

I wonder what their life is like

Strike, strike,

Strike

I’ll get though this

No one has ever truly been here for me, there is no one I miss

No one is one the list

My only friend in here is a flickering light

I’m not done with this fight!

Will I be forced to stay another scary, rough night?

However this room is also bliss

As I reminisce

At least I’m finally away from the battles, the silence is a gentle kiss

No Strings Attached

I've got a violin with no strings attached

This bow is flying like arrows do

Either war

Or cupid

Someone is bowing my heart

In every direction

And I can feel the passion

Leaping off the floor,

Like someone stepping on a nail

There is a lullaby needed

To pull at the strings that

Are attached to my heart

Knowing that, never

Can be a reality

I live behind these never strings

Like I'm living in a dungeon without

A king

To rescue me from

This violin

This tied bow

On the present

Of this rosen life

NCCC

Never

Certain

Correctness

Current

Now

Cognitive

Correlation

Censor

New

College

Care

Collection

Noticed

Color

Confuse

Create

Trip

Swat

Soot

Positive

Treacherous

Stretch

Strengthen

Progress

The Reason Why I Fell

The reason why I'm about to fall

Is because I once stood tall

Just as quick and graceful as a fawn

You are gone

‘Twas all but a dream

You secretly made me beam

Even though I shuddered

And muttered

You were so patient like the paper I leak ink on

You are gone

Big sister

Now you're a big blister

That I will never fully comprehend

A message I might send

But I know I will slip away like sand

In your pretty young hands

I felt so safe

But now I feel the chafe

We had fun

What's done is done

‘Twas all but a silly nightmare

‘Twas just a tear,

In the page,

Of a script who’s fate was to drift off stage

And that was the reason why I fell

Into this well

At dark dawn

I am gone...

Bang Bang

My heart is made of gold

And it's oh so heavy it hurts

With every bang, bang Today

My broken is showing I don't think

I was supposed to be here It's like this isn't my life

I belong in a different one My life is at an advanced placement level

While my brain is at special education level

I'm too sensitive

And too weak They were right

About me after all Bang, Bang

Hey Girl!

You know you're my friend if you sign your name with a star

And you seal envelopes with nerd saliva

Girl, you're dang beautiful but you don't see it

Hand it to yourself, please I love you

For thinking I'm going to be famous

I miss you

Poor planning but we still should awkwardly get together I owe you a poem

We have lasted about 2 years without seeing each other

We're so weird

See, when your name pops up it makes me happy However you'll always be my buttrift

Who needs any insolent fuckboys?

This one has been stealing my poems

Do you know that you amaze me Angry Satan,

You are not afraid to talk about

A friend who's easy and eager to talk to, even about

Poo, you're used to it That one is my fault

We have lasted so long

Thank you for being here

Glee, I’ll try to write about just for you

Yellow Lines

Staring into the yellow lines

Trying to go with the flow

I cannot bring myself to look up at the pines

Delirious depression in this mechanical car is a light load Sitting next to one of my discombobulating demons

Unable to run or fight it

Inside I am scream'n

This makes me want to fuck shit Staring at the two yellow lines, I think...

About last year when I climbed the walls

I should take leaps for the fun of the falls

Onto the sun warmed tar I desire to sink Thinking about two people who give me hope

That is for whatever is next to come

I feel the slope,

That leads into my own personal slum

Two lines, two women who are fierce

How far will I get with the uneven yellows?

Bright yellow does pierce

Stuck like a baby in the backseat type of mellow What to do when I turn the stone of 18?

My enemy has me trapped and constantly, greedily coming back

I have to hold the slack

What do I even know? One thing is for certain

I will keep moving forwards

Hopefully I'll stick with my words

I will go wherever the yellow snakes take me, in order to see the man behind the curtain

You're My Valentine

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I'm going to unfold a special poem for you

 I should start off by saying, Happy Valentines Day

My best contrast is that your eyes are brown

Any day you can fix my frown

 Just like everyone else’s,

You lips are red

Sometimes I want to kiss them, enough said

 I can’t wait for when we’re older and have money

You hair is black

Someday we shall pack

 Where should we go?, We both ask ourselves

I love your skin so tan

I love my man

 I've got stories to tell,

When were old and gray

I hope you'll stay

Not Again

Lost in forever To ever stop loving me you'd say never Then your forever's turned into never's Your endeavors turned into feathers Feathers that floated away When you used to say that you'd stay My smiles went away for miles While I'll burn my files, Of every second I spent thinking about you And every time you stayed for set after school I'll go back to my rules for fools I won't sit in my pity pools of tools People don’t realize that you're spoiled Even though this relationship you burnt and boiled Hun, you have someone who you can go to while you run I'm stuck here without the fun; I don't have anyone to protect me from my own gun The gun you didn't see, You pointed at me If you ever come back you better pack You don’t have the knack of begging on your knee; if you try to your face I will whack I can’t believe I fell for you twice You didn't catch me and now I'm paying the price She never knew or will be able to comprehend the way I loved you You are discluded from my thought stew; it's time for me to make another brew I find this poem shameful It’s also painful I was clever and never said forever I know that nothing lasts forever, not even love, Especially not your love!