" I Don’t Compete, I Complete—myself. " Mindset

You Can’t SEDUCE When You Lack STRATEGY

urTOOspoiled Big Sis Series

The main thing I’ve noticed about men is that they ALWAYS date with intention and a play.

This is BOTH from good men and the hobosexuals. They know what they’re doing.

INTENTION: an aim or a plan

PLAY: a report on what is happening in a sports game; plan breakdown

Men NEVER “go with the flow”. They either have ill, self centered (using you as a placeholder/booty call) or mutually beneficial intentions (marriage, FWB etc.).

In addition, they NEVER aimlessly find their way towards their goal. They have a goal and they break down the actions behind the accomplishment.

Sometimes it’s your heart. Sometimes it’s your life insurance plan.

It’s time we, as women, buckle up and have our own agendas lined up.

LAW 4

Always Say Less Than Necessary

I love my ladies but we do indeed pillow talk too much to the men we are dating. We tell them our backstories. We tell them how our exes did us dirty and all they do is sit back and take notes for when it’s their turn to do the same.

ITS TIME WE LIE AND LEAVE OUT INFO.

In addition, stop letting men lead the convo because you’re too intimidated to hold the conversation. It’s your job to get him to spill as much info about himself for you to gather a conclusion about your intentions with him.

LAW 9

Win Through Actions, Never Through Argument

Get it through your thick skull that you’ll never win an argument with a man using your words. Definitely not if you raise your voice.

A lot of women message me stating how they keep “telling” their man how to treat them and I sigh & laugh because I remember when I was that ditzy.

Men are indeed like dogs. You’ll get almost nowhere yelling or repeating yourself to a dog whose insisting on not listening to you (i.e. pulling the leash while you call their name.).

You can let the dog pull you and continue to yell…but where does that get you expect IGNORED and IN DISTRESS?

Put your foot down…and out the door. Just for the love of God stop playing dumb for peen.

LAW 17

Keep Others In Suspended Terror: Cultivate An Air of Unpredictability

“Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. Turn the tables. Be deliberately unpredictable.”

It’s one thing to be mysterious but it’s another to add the razzle dazzle of randomness in the mix. You see, you can predict someone being mysterious- being somewhat reserved or private.

Be unpredictable and have a moment where you’re transparent. Everyone shouldn’t have the same (good) impression of you. Some may view you as serious and laid back while others couldn’t imagine you being nothing other than bubbly. Shake shit up.

Closing Thoughts:

Men have created a culture of sharing the secrets of using women to their advantage. They’re not clueless nor uneducated on how to treat you correctly therefore it’s unproductive to attempt to teach them.

They are simply using the strategy their barber, daddy, coach, teammates and Pastor passed along to them since you (most likely) weren’t taught any better. They have a community-a village that molds them, something women do not have in general.

My goal here is to create community while encouraging young women to use LOGIC when it comes to romance. It’s both for safety and spoiled brat purposes.

hey can u give tips on improving ur attention span?

INCREASING YOUR ATTENTION SPAN

DAILY MEDITATION. Meditation is known for increasing focus and concentration. Try to increase the minutes you meditate each day, limiting the number of times your mind wanders/

DRINK BLACK TEA. Black tea contains L-theanine which affects the part of your mind which helps with focusing. 

LIMIT DISTRACTIONS, especially those around you. Phones, TV, background noise, or bustling scenery are not the best features for a productive session. A calm, quiet, minimalist area is ideal. 

TAKING SHORT BREAKS BETWEEN. Your brain needs time to recharge and refocus on the task at hand. Some ideas are taking a short walk, meditating, reading. 

START DOCUMENTING THE TIMES WHEN YOUR MIND WANDERS. This helps you to be more aware of anything that may need to change. E.g my mind wanders more in the afternoon than at night, so I’ll do most of my work in the afternoon. 

REGULAR EXERCISE. When there’s more blood in the brain, our concentration increases, so be sure to find ways to get your body moving and blood pumping. 

CREATE A MINIMALIST WORKSPACE. Remove distracting decor, add reminders of anything productive and make it comfortable enough that you focus for long periods. 

Becoming "that girl" and the trap of materialism

Work on your inner self before making any external changes.

It's easy to believe that the next new thing you acquire, whether that be clothes, beauty procedures etc will be the thing to solve all your problems in life. But, it probably won't. All it will be is a drain on your resources and you will still be insecure, just with more stuff. This is not to say you can't buy those things, but to be mindful of the reason why you're buying them. Do you actually want it? Or have you been led to believe you want it, by marketing, social media or what other people are doing?

Even if you don't necessarily like what you see in the mirror, it's important to have love for yourself regardless. At the end of the day, all our bodies are is a vessel for us to inhabit. Despite our best efforts, we are not always going to be looking 100% because life constantly throws stuff at us. There will be times we are so busy we don't eat as well as we should, or stress may impact our appearance through weight gain, acne or bloating. If we go seeking validation for this vessel from the outer world, we make ourselves vulnerable to attracting bad people/energy into our lives. If we are mentally in tune with ourselves, this reflects into our outer appearance and we cannot be shaken by external influences.

You can love yourself and think you'd look objectively better with a certain procedure or a different weight. You can love yourself and want to be different than the person you are currently. A desire for improvement that stems from your love of self is stable and patient. This is important because real change doesn't happen overnight. If you lack this self love, you cannot be objective about yourself and will end up in a never-ending series of 'quick-fix' changes in the impossible pursuit of perfection that will leave you worse off in the long run.

Things you can do to develop your inner state:

Shadow work - Your unresolved tensions from past events will repeat themselves until you address them.

Read/listen to podcasts about things that interest you - Don't you love seeing the way a person's face lights up when they talk about something they find fascinating?

Reducing your social media time - Social media is fake, everyone is just projecting the image they want to project and you have no clue what's truly going on in their lives. Take part but be mindful of this.

Practice gratitude and kindness everyday - To yourself and others. Thing about the simple routines in your daily life, how lucky are you to be able to partake in them? Someone's being a bit rude to you? It's nothing to do with you and everything to do with how they show up in the world, so don't take it personally. A bad personality makes a person look ugly, no matter how attractive their appearance is.

Exercise - It does wonders for mental health. Start small and work your way up. It can be as simple as taking a walk outside or following a YouTube video. Even if you give up halfway, you still showed up and gave something. Something is always better than zero.

Change your diet - Our mental state is impacted by the things we choose to put inside ourselves. If you're eating ultra processed foods like McDonalds, Doritos etc on the daily you could probably feel better than you currently do. You don't have to go crazy and cut everything cold turkey (you'll more than likely relapse), work on making small swaps for healthier versions of the things you like for a sustainable, long-term approach.

take care of yourself

𓂃 ﾟ｡🎀 ⋆ ⟡ 𓂃 ﾟ｡🎀 ⋆ ⟡ 𓂃 ﾟ｡🎀 ⋆ ⟡ 𓂃

mentally — journal: do a brain dump · meditate · remove toxic people and triggering things from your life · recite self love affirmations · think happy thoughts · if negative thoughts come, it’s okay, that’s inevitable.. let them be but don’t let them stay · take walks to clear your mind (watch your surroundings-be careful) · block, unfollow, and mute accounts online that make you feel bad about yourself · disconnect from the world - social media - the news etc often in order to make peace your priority, reset and recharge

emotionally — allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling : cry - scream -laugh - smile .. let it out · process your feelings, the good and bad ones · try to understand them and try to work your way through them · journal daily · tell people how you feel and how they make you feel because keeping things like this bottled up isn’t good · be kind to yourself · be patient with yourself · know that your feelings are always valid and no one can ever tell you how to feel about something

physically — exercise · try yoga/pilates · drink enough water every day · try to eat breakfast lunch and dinner daily · brush your teeth in the morning and before bed · wash and deep condition your hair · don’t skip your skin care routine · get mani/pedis · practice good hygiene/shower regularly · moisturize your skin · get facials · get enough sleep · use sunscreen

— the 2025 princess guide:

the new year is coming and with it a chance for a new start, i created this guide to make sure i don't waste it and decided to share it with everyone.ᡣ𐭩

FORGIVE YOURSELF AND FORGET THE PAST

don't fall trap into the whole "i said this year would be my year last time too but didn't do anything, what difference is 2025 gonna be" narrative. forgive yourself for your mistakes and use them as lessons to prevent another wasted year instead of an excuse to give up. reflect on them and identify what made you break the promises you made to yourself. were you too ambitious? did you neglect rest and ended up burning out? did you lose motivation? whatever it was learn from it and be mindful not to mess up the same way this year. failure is the best teacher.

CHOOSING YOUR RESOLUTIONS

instead of googling "new years resolutions" or copying what everyone else is doing, set resolutions that are specific to you. take a moment to sit down with yourself and ask yourself: where do i want to be a year from now? what can i do this year to bring myself closer to my dream life? what are some new things i'd like to experience? think of the bigger picture and set goals that will help you get there.

GETTING IT DONE

once your goals are set, identify the habits that will help you achieve your goals. make a routine out of them and create what would be the perfect day to you. if it feels like you have too many areas you want to work on, make two (or more) daily routines where in each one you focus on different aspects and then alternate between them.

PRACTICE ROUND

it would be unrealistic to expect yourself to immediately pick up the routine and execute it everyday, especially since you're only starting out. luckily we have a whole month until 2025 starts so there's plenty of time for you to slowly ease into it. start by only doing a couple of tasks on your list and slowly up the amount as you start to fall into rhythm. this is the perfect time for trials and errors and tweaking your routine and eliminating/changing out anything that doesnt fit in as well as you imagined

PROCESSING YOUR EMOTIONS WITHOUT SUPPRESSING THEM - TECHNIQUES

this post is all about how to process emotions that we are uncomfortable with, safely and positively. Today, I’d like it if you’d try to implement at least one technique today!

REMINDERS

Remember that when you feel an emotion, it is your body communicating itself to you. Listen to your emotion, and understand.

All emotions are temporary, and will pass. But some can leave a more long term effect on us.

Having the skill of sitting through uncomfortable emotions calmly, and not let it impact our lives greatly will serve you well.

TECHNIQUES

STOP TECHNIQUE

S- Stop what you’re doing, pause all activities and shut off your brain.

T- Take a few deep breathes, continue until your focus is only on breathing deeply.

O- Observe your thoughts, your body language, any physical sensations and acknowledge them within you.

P- Proceed with any activity that may help you process this emotion. Meditation, journaling, stretching, talking to someone, etc.

ALL TECHNIQUE

A- Acknowledge, accept and alllow what you feel. Identify what emotion you feel, if you can’t, try to associate it with something. Sit in this feeling for awhile and truly accept it within you.

L- Link it to a circumstance or situation that may explain why you’re feeling this way. E.g ‘I feel so irritated lately, it may be because I’ve been eating sugary foods more’

L- Learn what this emotion may be telling you. There’s not much detail on this because only you know what your body needs/wants.

SELF EXPRESSION

Draw, write, compose music on what this feeling looks like, sounds like, maybe even their taste. This really helps go deep in your emotions, analyse it and then hopefully process it.

Start planning 2025

Make a list of all the emotions you want to feel at the end of 2025.

Now work backwards and write down all the tasks you need to do in order to feel that way.

Make a separate list of all the “gaps” - what do you currently not have in order to do those tasks to make you feel the way you want?

And lastly, write down how you can fill those gaps. Do you need a gym membership to become fit to feel good about your yourself? Do you need to learn how to cook better meals in order to feel healthy and energised? Do you need to start applying to jobs, in order to secure one, in order to feel financially safe? Do you need to buy an old school alarm clock that’s going to wake up your entire apartment building in order to wake up early? what do you need to DO?

also, make a list of all the things that worked out for you in 2024. Learn to celebrate and appreciate, even the smallest of wins.

For the next two months start the trial and error process of this program. Let’s say you decide that you want to work out 7 days a week in order to feel good about your body. Now halfway through November you realise that 7 days is probably too much, and 5 days would be better for your schedule. Or you decide to read 3 books a week, but realistically, maybe a chapter a day is better.

November and December are your trial months. By the time January starts, be ready with a program that is built for you, works for you, and can be completed by you.

Don’t forget about keeping a reward mechanism. If you complete your daily tasks for 1 month straight, buy that little purse you were eyeing, or take yourself to a spa. Reward yourself in ways you like so that :

a) you’re not in an endless cycle of never being satisfied

b) you don’t drop everything for a man or a friend who shows you the slightest bit of affection because you won’t show it to yourself

c) it encourages you to work harder for yourself.

Being high maintence is my form of protection

High maintenance? Absolutely. And let me tell you, it’s a title I wear with pride. I’m not here to settle for average, and I’m certainly not going to make myself smaller just to make other people comfortable. I know what I deserve, and I expect nothing less than the best in every area of my life.

From the people I surround myself with to the way I treat myself—nothing is ever ‘good enough’ unless it’s top-tier. I’ve worked too hard, sacrificed too much, and leveled up too many times to accept anything that doesn’t meet my standards. If that makes me high maintenance, then so be it.

I don’t just want luxury—I demand it. I don’t just want respect—I command it. And if someone can’t give me the quality I expect, then they simply don’t get access to me. I’m not here to be anyone’s second choice or a ‘maybe.’ I’m the gold standard, and if you’re not willing to meet me there, you don’t belong in my world.

Being high maintenance isn’t about being picky—it’s about knowing your worth and refusing to lower your standards for anyone. The right people will appreciate that about you. The wrong ones? Well, they’ll watch you from the sidelines while you keep winning.

So, yes. I’m high maintenance. But in my world, that’s exactly how it should be.

HOW TO BEGIN HEALING

ACKNOWLEDGE THE PAIN AND DAMAGE. Others will try frequently to avoid these feelings and the thought that they’re hurt or hurting. However, it is a massive roadblock to starting your journey. 

You have to truly confront yourself. Journal, vent to someone, draw or however you feel is best to truly express how you feel, you do. 

EXTRACT TRIGGERS. Don’t let your physical environment encourage triggers that resurface your hurt self or continue to hurt you. E.g. friends, social media, family, bad habits etc. 

DAILY REFLECTION. You have to start to confront your feelings and experiences, but I know, it’s scary and we don’t want to revisit bad times. Please try to do some self-reflection daily about personal feelings and experiences, as it gets easier when it’s so frequent. 

ESTABLISH ORDER & ROUTINES. Start putting in good habits in your life and slowly improve your mental and physical well-being. Healing is going to be all over the place and messy. So when we have a routine to fall back on when needed, it just makes us feel better. 

ACTUAL SELF-CARE. Everything showers and face masks are nice and all, but they are not the only aspects of self-care. Self-care is doing the things that are good for you, disregarding how you currently feel. E.g. cooking and eating a healthy breakfast instead of eating takeout. 

BE PATIENT AND PERSISTENT. Healing is going to be hard regardless of what hurt you. There will be days when you feel like giving up. However, I encourage you to fight those feelings of hopelessness and continue. 

REMOVE SHAME FROM YOUR MIND. Another roadblock, it limits you from all the help and lessons you get in life. It isolates you, from everybody else who does care about you and wants to help. Asking for anything is not embarrassing. 

RECONNECT WITH YOURSELF. Start doing hobbies that you love, learning about things you’ve been curious about, and reading books on your favourite topics. Reconnection is so important because it brings emotional and mental prosperity. 

Motivation Affirmations ✨✨

I am capable of achieving my dreams.

Every step I take brings me closer to my goals.

I am deserving of success and abundance.

Challenges are opportunities for growth.

I am focused, persistent, and driven.

My potential is limitless.

I believe in myself and my abilities.

Every day, I become a better version of myself.

I am resilient and can overcome any obstacle.

Success is a journey, not a destination.

I am in charge of my destiny.

My goals are achievable and realistic.

I am surrounded by positive energy and support.

I am constantly inspired and motivated.

My actions align with my purpose.

I am deserving of all the good that comes my way.

I am a magnet for success and prosperity.

I am committed to my vision and purpose.

I trust the process and the timing of my life.

Every setback is a setup for a comeback.

I am fearless in the pursuit of my dreams.

I am worthy of all the success I seek.

My determination is stronger than any challenge.

I am constantly evolving and improving.

I am focused on solutions, not problems.

I celebrate every small victory along the way.

I am in control of my thoughts, actions, and emotions.

I am surrounded by opportunities for growth and success.

I am driven by passion and purpose.

I am unstoppable in the pursuit of my goals.