Sennen Cove, Cornwall, England

the angels look down to protect us

oh my gosh, when i was in treatment for an eating disorder i was so scared to tell the people around me for this exact reason.. at one point i would frequently speak about diet culture and weightloss to the thinner girls without even clocking because i was so stuck in my head that these girls were thin and i wasn't. it was lowkey triggering to even be friends with one of them, which isn't something that's even her fault. after a while she figured out that i had an eating disorder and she would make comments sbout the way i looked (she told me to get a nosejob, told me i ate a lot, would make comments about wanting my "big thighs") she now goes around telling people that i said something sour about her appearance. the truth is, i ate so little during that period of my life that i was so fatigued all the time so i genuinely do not recall saying anything about her appearance, it's all a blur to me. i can't help but feel guilty about it.

people calling girls with eating disorders "spoiled brats" and "attention seekers" as if these conditions aren't life threatening; when u have an eating disorder that induces starving, you think of only yourself and how people are perceiving your body. you think that you need to be a skinny dainty princess 24/7 and immediate panic sets in as soon as you are forced to eat something or go over your caloric limit because the mindset is that you will gain a large amount of weight if you have that food/calories right then. however the people that hate, don't see this as mental illness taking action, they take it as a deliberate action of disgust against other womens bodies.

i remember discussing eating disorders in a group therapy session not long ago and a girl who was plus size, said that a lot of the anorexic girls are so scared of gaining weight and it had a huge toll on her cause she knew she was a lot bigger than them so she took it as a deliberate fatphobic action against her because no one wants to be fat. she said that if these girls would hate on bigger bodies, how is it any different if bigger women do the same back?

both parties are insecure

and what these girls fail to realise is that when girls with eating disorders think about being thin, they don't compare themselves to bigger girls. they crave for the validation of control, controlling hunger. they compare themselves to the version of them before where they had no control over their hunger. it felt like the one thing you were doing right in life because if you had the will to starve yourself for however long you wanted, that would conform to your sense of self control and knowing you could control a part of your looks despite constantly having a distorted view of your own body. at a certain point you even become addicted to the feeling of hunger, that control is taken away when you are made to eat over a 'safe' amount.

point is, developing an eating disorder has become something that is looked down on in a manner of disdain, when in reality these girls need all the support they can get without judgement.

ppl rly hate girls with eating disorders tbh. did anyone else notice this

you will come to mourn it .

@robertzombie @twofigs @wearepaladin

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NCT DREAM - Rains in Heaven

☆ 22/06/24

a late update! ive been hanging out with my nephews far too much im so knackered but i love them both so much, finally logged into the ps4 yesterday its been so long i cant wait to play bioshock again

Ernst Oppler - Einladung für einen Ball der Berliner Secession (1926)

rudiment