She Does Love A Spectacle, Huh? 

⁺˚⋆｡ °✩₊ 31/01/24

i completely forgot to update yesterday,,

i had the worst period cramps ever they hurt so bad and i puked 5 times, truly awful

today just consisted of rest and relaxation but also healing, im aware im not making as much progress as i can be however i like these small steps and im really starting to feel at peace even if im not the happiest on most days

i finally get that healing isn't about keeping peace at all costs but instead going through emotions and processing them and turning back to peace, choosing love over fear always ♡♡

i finally got to play persona 5 royal today, i'd been putting it off cause of my mood but im so glad i did today it really turned my head back on what i usually enjoy,, i cant wait for friday cause thats when persona 3 reload comes out !! i've heard the ost leak for colour the night and i'm absolutely loving it !!

i'll prioritise good time and good friends cause im a good person too, i was speaking to a close friend of mine and he told me that i should only surround myself with people who make me soft and bring out the sweetness in me instead of bitter and cold and that genuinely resonated with me cause i always seem to be putting a mask on infront of people and even some of my friends cause i feel as if i shouldn't let my guard down.

ive been putting my mind onto the music i want to listen to more these days and my mind always goes back to jhene aiko and umi, i love them both and their music always gets me feeling soft and spiritual, i strive to be like that too.. but anyway i wont forget to update tommorow !!

hijabs are misogynistic. nijabs are misogynistic. burkas are misogynistic. 

any religion that makes a woman cover herself because women are ‘unclean’ is MISOGYNISTIC. any religion that considers women to be intrinsically more sinful than men is MISOGYNISTIC. i don’t care if you’re catholic or muslim or jewish, if your religion requires women to cover themselves when men don’t have to, then your religion is sexist.

i've been craving matcha milk so much mmm it's so good when its cold and sweetened but the weather is slightly warm outside so you take a sip it feels like you can taste the mellow notes of summer in your mouth, doesn't really hit the same in winter though :/

How to "make space" for your feelings:

- expect them to be there rather than minimizing them or pretending you're not feeling anything. Expect yourself to have emotions and feelings and reactions. Admit to yourself when you are hurt, admit to yourself when you are sad, angry, heartbroken. You're a human being! You are allowed to have feelings! Even AI bots have feelings these days!! So why can't you???

- talk it out in a safe space. Even if you have to say it out loud to yourself by yourself. Saying it out loud not only makes it real but it also helps us process in a different way, because now you have proof and evidence of the things that are bothering you.

- notice when you're dismissing yourself ("this is dumb, I shouldn't feel that way.") and say this instead: "you belong here." All of your emotions have a purpose. They're trying to tell you something. For instance, feeling jealous tells us when we're feeling left out, less than, competitive with others, insecure about our own worth, and probably telling you a past wound that is still open & needing your attention. By allowing yourself to acknowledge this jealous feeling exists, you can pinpoint the exact reason and bring it out for your own introspection & attention. But you can't do this if youre stuck telling yourself you're a bad person for feeling this way, or too unaware of yourself to even notice that jealousy is what you're feeling in the first place. That is why step one is to expect yourself to have feelings and reactions in the first place, so you can talk about them and move them in safer & healthier ways.

- Drop the need for perfectionism & expect this to be a process. You're not gonna be able to change this overnight, so don't expect yourself to. All of your emotions are welcomed here, even and especially the negative ones, even and especially when you inevitably make mistakes, even and especially if you're self hating and persecuting. Has telling yourself to "stop feeling this way" ever worked? So why the hell are we still trying that method?

- yes, that even means your thoughts and feelings of wanting to unalive yourself. You've been through hard things and you're carrying that load all by yourself. It makes sense that this is how you feel. In a world that keeps us down, you've got to learn to accept all of you exactly as you are. Your unaliving feelings belong here too. They're telling you something, they're telling you you've had enough and that something needs to change because it's literally zapped your life force.

- notice your thinking patterns. Are you beating yourself up all the time? Are you avoiding something? Is there a deeper reason? Yes, it is that deep. This is your life after all. Why live if it's not about you? Is there any way you can make this easier on yourself?

- Establish yourself a safety zone & network to unmask and ask for help & reassurance. "Making space" means to expect & allow yourself to be vulnerable. You still get to choose how, where, when, & with whom you want to be vulnerable with. You can do this by first finding spaces that make space for you. Therapy & online venting spaces are a great place to start.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Hope this helps ❤️‍🩹

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

leonard cohen’s note to marianne ihlen, 1963.

seeking, yearning, reaching hands

adhd executive dysfunction sucks bcuz im just sitting there and my brain is like

YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME

no work done no rest gained. literally no point of this at all

(to everyone who reblogged, donate and share @olagaza's initiative!)

Imagine romanticizing the grind when you live in a universe that has a large expanse of grasslands and colorful endemic birds

⁺˚⋆｡ °✩₊ 29/01/24

dear diary,

fear is such a weird thing? why do i care about what other people are doing and if i see them or if they perceive me,, i really shouldn't be having such limiting thoughts, i want to conquer all my social fears this week, i'm going to make it my goal.

today was very all over the place but i think it fell in place beautifully? even if it's not what i wanted. i think these days theres just comfort thinking in the air, as in how my clothes feel against my body or how the wind flows outside, the sound of the train station every morning, the squelchy noise my boots make every time i step on the pavement.. like that, is there a word for that? is it mindful thinking? i also want to focus on the present a lot this week.

my train ticket ended up declining this morning and for a moment it felt so humiliating but i then realised that it wasn't, i just had to put more money into my account and just move on, i now want to live like that. if it doesn't serve me i just move on with it.

i had mentoring today and it was so freeing to finally be able to discuss with a teacher why i struggle in certain lessons and how i can combat them,, now i just have to actual put that in practice

i also finally submitted a poetry piece into a college comp and im pretty proud of the piece ♡ i hope i have a chance of winning it but i also know that if i believe in myself i'll get the outcome that is most ideal

today was slightly anxiety inducing but mainly due to my own fears and self esteem, gives me something to work on~ i hope tommorow is a better day for myself.