You Survived Another Week In A Very Tough World, Even Though At Times It Felt Like You Wouldn’t, And

Vogue US // 1993

⁺˚⋆｡ °✩₊ 28/01/24

dear diary,

okay, first diary entry here

today has been somewhat.. odd? i'm focusing on myself more than ever right now but it still feels as if i'm stuck at phase 1,, i dont like the feeling of being stuck but i know that in reality ive made a lot of progress ?? i guess i just have to keep on telling myself that i have moved forward. i think taking care of myself after an awful breakup is the best thing ive ever done, that person made me realise that i have a whole lot of healing to do but of course i dont like or resonate myself with the way they said it or how they treated me through out the time we were together, however dwelling on that thought and how they hurt me just isn't healthy at all, so i have nothing to do but accept the outcome as it is and work on myself that.

is it odd that i dont class it as a relationship? it's been months. it was hardly what lovers would do and in my mind what i would do or would want to do as a lover. i move on with the seasons so it isn't any of my concern anymore. i can't waste my energy on things that do not serve me, i am a being of light and should be treated as such.

i just want to love myself whole and stay in peace and solace, i need this right now ! all the focus is on me ♡ i'm now looking forward to new begginings, i know they'll serve me greatly

one of my friends sent me a few tiktok videos talking sbout how thankful she was to have me in her life and i think thats so beautiful, shes amazing and i love her too !! shes been nothing but amazing to me, i'll be sure to pay her back tenfold.

i've been getting a lot of loving messages from people around me these days and honestly it makes me feel so valued, i take it to heart a lot more than i used to you know? one of them also said they'd let smoke with them next time they got some more bud and i honestly think thats so nice

both me and my bestfriend are single and we've both felt more gratitude and gratefulness with each other more now than ever and we made this whole little plan for places to visit and i love it so much, shes taking me to a japanese restraunt on valentines ♡ i can't wait, shes truly my soulmate.

i guess im torn between searching for new love or loving myself. i think the best thing to do is to love myself until the person that fits my worth comes by.

i have a lot of assignments to catch up on but im not too stressed about them right now,, i know i'll be able to get the work done. as of right now i stay unbothered and want to stay unbothered for a long time lol, i stay vulnerable and small within my own circle.

i love how moths look and fly and theyre so beautiful but they lowkey terrify me and sometimes i find them kinda repulsive but when i think about it, i see myself just like i see the moths

beth

I told my students they're allowed to be creative and don't have to be factual when writing about themselves in German because I keep getting questions like "what if I don't have roommates or what if I don't have hobbies" and I'm like guys just make something up! Have fun! I won't fact check you!

So now I am grading homework where a student is claiming to be from North Korea and his hobby is tax fraud

how I manifested my dream life after years of overconsumption

hello! after being in this community for many years, hopelessly and endlessly trying to manifest the life of my dreams since i was a young teen, i can finally say i did it. i'm living the life i always wanted. this is my success story ٩( 'ω' )و (very long and detailed! + mentions of heavy topics)

how i did it: the journey

i initally found out about manifesting from a friend who told me about subliminals, then i became invested in law of attraction and soon, law of assumption.

for years I was in a nonstop cycle of overconsuming information, deciding to put my foot down and say "this is it", only go back spiraling in my negative thoughts & old story hours or even minutes later. this cycle lasted for years. i felt like the law could not be this easy, and heavily relied on my 3d for evidence/signs of my desire. i felt like there was always something else to do in the 3d (subliminals, scripting, vision board, etc) and was not satisfied in just believing in the unseen.

eventually, i became sick of it. i wanted my dream life so badly, i would cry myself to sleep some nights because of how badly i wanted to be free from my old story. i hated my old life, and was desperate for my new one.

i constantly reread the same edward art posts, tumblr posts, and success stories about the law and craved for something new, but at this point i already knew all i needed to know about the law. i had some success with the law of assumption in the past (manifesting my acceptance into uni, talking to a cute boy etc.) but getting my entire dream life felt like it was impossible. i knew i can get anything and everything i wanted, but honestly i was scared and felt like there was a barrier between me and my desire. yet, i held onto these feelings for years. at some point i even felt childish and the need to "grow up and be realistic" about what i wanted since everything around me was changing and i wasn't getting any younger. but i still held onto my dreams and desires, it was planted into my heart for a reason and I really wanted it to come true.

one day i was clearing out my phone and came across blushydior's success story of how she manifested her dream life in hard circumstances. i read her post again and really internalized what she said about the law.

in short, life is a blank canvas. the minute you decide what you want, it is done. there is nothing stopping you from getting anything you ever wanted because it is already finished. just keep persisting and accepting that it is done because it simply is; nothing else left to do.

so i decided to go all in. i didn't do much: just affirm that i had my desire when i thought about it and embody the state. during the first few days, i felt a wave of happiness and excitement whenever I affirmed for my desires. i knew i had them, and it made me happy. i didn't ignore my 3d, i simply lived through it. i did whatever i had to do in my 3d while still thinking "oh i already have my desire! nothing can stop me, it's all done!"

over time, the feelings of excitement faded and it became more of a feeling of security and calmness. i would still think thoughts like "oh yeah i have my desire, oh well whatever" and simply move on.

i will say though, in the middle i did kind of cave and want to fall into my old ways. i had the feelings of calmness but felt like there was something else left to do. i logged onto tumblr and scrolled over some of the posts i had saved, but didn't read them and rely on them for info. i had to force myself to snap out of feeling like I didn't have it and remind myself that i had it. when i felt overwhelmed with my 3d or faced something that i didnt like, i would remind myself of my desires being complete.

at night i'd also imagine romantic scenarios about me and my sp to fall asleep but i didn't do anything like try to get into sats or void (i tried them before and found them quite boring lol)

eventually after sticking to the assumption that i have my desires, regardless of what i see in the 3d, nothing can stop me from getting my desire because it's already done, i got them all. woke up with everything i want. this is what it means to persist: to take the leap of faith, go all in, and just keep on believing that you already have it!

the old and new story:

old story: I grew up in a very restrictive lifestyle with little freedom and privacy in my house, as well as super traditional and religious parents that made me feel uncomfortable in many areas of my life. my life was primarily just me taking care of my annoying younger siblings and studying to get good grades so I could make my parents happy. I did not have much success with maintaining friendships, no luck in the love department, and disliked who I was as a person for much of my life. I was completely dependent on my parents and wanted their approval for everything; it felt like I was living and doing all of these activities to make them proud, even though they never told me they were. anything that I wanted to pursue I shut down before even trying because I knew they would not approve. I was also constantly being pushed into these religious spaces that made me super uncomfortable due to their beliefs and have been verbally and physically abused in the name of so-called religion. I was living a life that I did not want, by finding the law it gave me an opportunity to live my own life for once.

new story: appearance transformation from head to toe, apartment and houses of my dreams in my desired cities & countries, talents, skills, and knowledge about topics I was curious about, language fluency, ideal wardrobe with all my dream clothes, items on my wishlist, having financial freedom, being free, independent, and in charge of my life, having the boyfriend of my dreams (guys he is so fine like omg), completely revamping and rewriting my past, having a tight knit friend group and the biggest one of all, the thing i wanted for so long -- being a famous musical artist in one of the biggest girl groups in the world <3

i am so so so glad i never gave up, it really is easy.

the law in summary:-

decide what you want to manifest

have faith and know that you already have your desire, it is done and nothing can stop you from getting it (remember! methods are optional)

just persist, do not give up. it will manifest into the 3d! nothing else left to do.

good luck everyone, you can do it and i believe in you <3

please make sure that wherever you’re at in life, you don’t treat it like a transitory period. don’t waste your college years wishing to already be graduated & have a job. don’t waste your single years wishing for someone to be in love with. if/when those things come, they will come in due time and they will be good. but there is nothing like looking back and feeling empty because you wasted literal years ignoring what you had because you were hoping for something better. while it’s important to better yourself and reach for your goals, don’t neglect the present because that’s where you are now and it’s your now that determines your future. 

‫دل کو مزید کھولو، تم قیدی نہیں ہو، تم خوابوں کی تلاش میں آسمان پر اڑتا ہوا پرندہ ہو‬

‏‫Open your heart more, you are not a prisoner, you are a bird flying in the sky in search of dreams."‬

‏Haruki Murakmi