It's kind of comforting to have part of your queerness kept inside by choice. Being closeted by force isn't comforting, but I think there can be a sense of peace when you choose not to talk about part of your queerness. It feels like I am able to honour myself on my own, and I'm able to be happy with myself and not include anybody else in that.
blanket normally: really good
blanket 10 mins before you need to get up for work: skin contact with god
hey girl. um. Are you subway. cause youre the only sub i. way. Haha (coins spill outof shirt pockets ) Sorry i just robbed a child’s lemonade stand
"I cAn FiX hIm" "I cAn MaKe HiM wOrSe" nonsense. I can make him listen to Will Wood and the Tapeworms, which makes him better and worse.
Chungking Express (1994) dir. Wong Kar-wai
Being neurodivergent is like
Sorry, I get really excited when I get really excited.
The fact that there’s an actually functional website for the library of Babel is one of those things that fucks me up more and more the more I think about the implications.
welcome to life in the world to come we're supposed to tell you about the apocalypse but instead will bought a forklift and now we're gonna record ourself playing with it for the next 2 hours and thats the podcast
Everyone told me testosterone would make me angrier. My family has a habit of attributing any anger I feel these days to the testosterone. I didn't feel any angrier, but my mother would still tell me that no, I am angrier now, and testosterone did make me angrier and *she* could tell.
A week or two ago, I got my proof to the contrary. I'd been having a difficult day, woke up late, and had to rush out the door, ran into minor inconvenience after minor inconvenience, and then the straw broke the camel's back.
I wrote out the kind of angry vindictive seething text message I used to write constantly. I didn't send it, of course, I copied it out and pasted it in the folder of my notes where I put all my rage venting.
And then I thought.
Huh, it's been a little while since I did that. And I checked the time and dates on my previous notes. The last one was a few days before I started testosterone.
And scrolling back, I noticed that they were *constant* at least one a week for *years* I used to get so angry that I would get the serious urge to say cruel hurtful things to or about people I cared about on a near-daily basis. I didn't realize how big of a problem it was until all of a sudden I hadn't gotten that angry in Eleven Months. Nearly a YEAR.
And then I realized in my rush to get out the door in the morning, I hadn't taken my T shot. My testosterone was the lowest it's been since August.
All of a sudden, I had demonstrable proof that testosterone really did make me less angry. That all that "you may not think you're any angrier but you are" was bullshit.
I feel like I should be angrier about this than I am. I know how angry I used to get. About everything. I just felt it again for the first time in a while. For once, it would feel justified to be that angry. But I'm not. I'm not mad. I'm just... disappointed, I guess.
please don’t be mean to me i will literally be on my deathbed replaying it in my head asking myself why i’m such a unique annoyance to society