Can We Take A Minute To Acknowledge The Fact That Kaz Doesn’t Even Doubt For A Freaking S E C O N D

In the song, ”Achilles Come Down.,” there’s a verse that says

“You crave the applause yet hate the attention.”

And this resonated with me so deeply but I didn’t really get the meaning. But then,

I hate attention but I love validation.

which I feel so many people can relate.

I’m feeling really comfortable in my sadness lately and that really scares me. What if I stay here forever?

Sirius Black Faces the Woes of a High School Crush (part 3)

Part 2:

https://www.tumblr.com/prosepoetryanddrama/753691551217090560/sirius-black-faces-the-woes-of-a-high-school-crush?source=share

___

“What the actual fuck?” Were the first words out of Sirius’s mouth as he stared at the scene in front of him. 

On the floor of the dreaded closet sat, as expected, a panicked Remus with a torn banner, but also a gruesome demonic entity, by the name of Benjy. Fucking. Fenwick. 

The roach had his grimy hand against Remus’s shoulder, with a sympathetic frown on his face, and Sirius wanted to break his fingers.

Remus looked up at the sound of his voice and stared blankly at him, although Sirius noted a slight blush spread across his, already rosy, cheeks. “Oh, it’s you, Black” 

“Uh, appears so.” Sirius spoke. ever so eloquently.

“What are you doing here?” Benjy interrupted. 

“Just taking a stroll, Fenwick,” Sirius said, inserting as much casualness into his voice as he could.

“A stroll? To the closet? At the opposite end of the entrance?” Benjy responded.

Sirius huffed, choosing to simply ignore his inferior presence.

”What happened here?” Sirius asked, directing his question to Remus, attempting to get back on script.

Remus looked at him, “We’re fucked,” he said simply.  

___

That was how he found himself spending his afternoon, helping Benjy fucking Fenwick fix a useless banner, like a loser. Though, Remus’s soft, warm hands pressed into Sirius’s fingers when he passed him glue and other such things, as they sat on the floor, that fucking banner spread out in front of them, did help ease the frustration. 

His frustration did not stay at bay long though, rearing it’s ugly head every time that Fenwick breathed in his, or Remus’s direction. 

They did in fact go to the glossy, modern cafe across the street, and Sirius had almost trampled over Benjy to pay for Remus. 

Remus, forever stubborn, had looked up at him with a frown, “Black, no. I can pay for myself.” 

Sirius, of course, had ignored him. 

It was actually quite pleasant, regardless of the roach. To sit in the high-back leather chair across from Remus, with Remus leaning in closer to hear Sirius’s ramblings. He had at least improved in that aspect. The few, although stilted, interactions he had with Remus, had finally gotten Sirius to smooth himself out in his presence. 

They had chatted about, of course, the damn banner, with Benjy pitching in like an annoying squirrel every five seconds, but they had indeed chatted.

Sirius figured that he should just take the win. How the mighty have fallen. 

Every time that Sirius attempted to steer the conversation with Remus into non-banner related, Benjy was quick to insert himself. 

Sirius was contemplating getting Peter to frame him with drugs. 

This was unlike Sirius, who although, did get revenge for every petty thing, did not get riled up this quickly. He was the picture of perfection, and he knew it. So why was he getting that jealous itch every time he looked at Remus and Benjy? Fenwick did not hold a candle to Sirius, and Sirius knew it. 

It simply grated on Sirius every time that Benjy casually bumped up against Remus, or flippantly pushed his shoulder with a laugh, like they were old friends, when Sirius, who was not a stalker and simply just had sources, knew that they were not.

Sirius, would never take any touch of Remus’s for granted, he thought to himself, as he lay in his bed, ladden in fresh silk sheets, courtesy of Kreacher, the maid, that night. If Sirius ever pressed his shoulder against Remus, he would bury his head in his neck and kiss that one mole on his neck that, Sirius had spent countless Calculus classes staring at. If Sirius had an opportunity to have his hands on Remus, he would only bring him closer, and never push him away. 

He wanted so badly to know this boy, although Sirius, deep in his heart, a place he would never say outloud,  felt as if, on an intrinsic, human level, he already knew him.

“Have I met you before?Had I once known you?” He thought to himself miserably as longing overtook him.

____

The next morning at school as Sirius stared at the back of Remus’s golden locks, he thought to himself, “I could love you forever if you just let me.”

____

It truly was not just a simple appreciation of looks when it came to Sirius’s feelings for Remus. Despite their lack of actual words, and well, any sort of relationship, Sirius probably knew more about the boy named Remus Lupin, than Remus himself did. Which of course, he knew from his sixth sense, and not any sort of stalking, because Sirius was much above that.

He knew that underneath his golden-boy, snotty image, he was mischievous and snarky, that he was the one who had once pulled that prank, in the first week of school, that was still being attributed to James and Sirius. But he was also kind, the type of kind that bent down to hug shaking freshman and guide them to their classes. Sirius knew that Remus prefered to stay within himself, only really conversing with a small group of people, but would rise to the challenge the minute, anyone insulted his friends. Sirius had a vague memory of that time that Remus, spewing foul French, had smacked Avery across the face for shoving Evans. He was strong, but warm, and lovely, and he wanted Remus to also, finally know him.

He wanted Remus to care about him. To know that Sirius loved the smell of Remus’s sweet chamomile tea, but personally, only drank coffee without milk. To know all the facets and sides of him, both carefully cruel and sniping at times, but also painfully tender and someone who loved ever so deeply with all his heart. 

___

By the next Student Council meeting a few days later, Sirius had refilled himself with motivation and a type of unrelenting drive that only came from having Walburga Black as a mother and warden. 

Yes, there had been a few setbacks, one or twice or thrice, but technically, Sirius had not fucked anything up, yet at least.

Taking a last bite of the pesto sandwich he had gotten from the Kitchens, he schooled his face into a picture of confidence before peeking in the room.

Remus, looking splendid in a wool sweater, sat in a blue plastic chair close to the table, his body bent forward, his chin on his hands. 

“So, now that whole banner problem has been solved, by my help, do you have anyone picked out as a date for the prom?” Sirius said smoothly, sliding into the seat beside Remus, and immediately breathing in that cinnamon scent.

Remus looked up, his big, brown eyes peering curiously at Sirius. “No, not yet.” He shared.

Taking his chin off his hands, he continued, “I’ve just been so busy with the setup and supplies and a hundred other things. I haven’t really thought about it.”

Remus opened his mouth as if to continue his sentence, but nothing came out. He simply stared hard at Sirius for a second before his eyes lightened. 

“Do you, uh, have a date”? Remus asked. 

“Actually! I was-“ Sirius was cut off by the doors opening and the rest of the Council poured in. He groaned quietly as he slinked back into his seat. Remus too, after another odd, long glance at Sirius, somewhere below his eyes, turned away and began flipping through his notes before clearing his throat and beginning the meeting. 

Sirius glumly thought to himself that there truly was some cosmic force in the universe working against him.

As some dark haired bloke went off about prom dress code rules, Sirius heard a snicker from his left. He turned his head, and saw Remus’s, and James’, favourite redhead, Lily Evans, smirking at him. 

“What?” he mouthed quietly to her. 

“Pathetic,” she mouthed back, discreetly pointing at him with one hand, then pointing at Remus, who’s eyes were still dutifully trained on the room’s speaker. 

He flipped her a finger, fuming. Yes, he had not exactly been the most discreet at staring longingly at Remus, but what did Lily Evans know? He then ignored her for the rest of the meeting.

The scrape of chairs broke the tension, as the meeting ended. Before Sirius could blink, Lily quickly grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the room, into the alcove right outside the room, just about hidden from view.

“Evans, what the hell!” He scowled, pulling his arm away. “No offence, but I’m not interested in a secret tryst with you.” 

"I want a tryst with your best friend, " he thought.

She snorted. “As if, Black.” She shook her head, before drawling out, “Remus.”

Sirius crossed his muscular arms over his chest, waiting for her to continue.

She shook her head, “You’re obviously into him. Watching you pine like some Romeo has been literally painful to watch.”

Sirius leaned his head against the wall, and looked down at her. “Did you pull me aside like some secret lover just to tell me that, or are you planning to help me?”

____

Yayy! Finally some dialogue between our two main stars.

@dumbass-gryffindor1960

My Wolfstar/Remus Lupin Playlist

My Remus Lupin/Wolfstar Playlist

- Dandelions - Ruth B

“And I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime And I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine” - Remus and Sirius before the war when everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

“And I see forever in your eyes” - A forever that they won’t get, but right now, it feels possible.

Demons - Imagine Dragons

“I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you But with the beast inside, there's nowhere we can hide“ - During the war as Remus goes on missions. He tries to hide it from Sirius, this other side of him, but it creeps in.

“Though this is all for you, don't wanna hide the truth“ - He’s doing this for Sirius and James and Lily and Harry, so that the war can end. He wants to tell them so bad that’s it’s for them, that’s he not leaving them, that he would never turn on them.

Running with the wolves - Aurora

“I'm running with the wolves tonight” “But don't you know we're stronger now“ - As much as he hates Greyback, during the werwolf missions during the first war, there is a type of freedom. For the first time he feels like maybe this isn’t a bad thing. That there is freedom in being different.  

“A gift, curse“ - But with this, the distance from Sirius grows. Sirius doesn’t understand that for the first time Remus feels like he truly belongs, all he sees is Remus with the enemy.

- Visions of Gideon (Sufjan Stevens)

“I have loved you for the last time” - Remus trying to convince himself that he no longer loves Sirius after Halloween 1981

“ I have touched you for the last time” Remus reflects on Sirius when he goes to Azkaban thinking he will never see him again and that’s this is the end. Never again will their hands touch.

- This Year’s Love (Jasmine Thompson)

“This year's love had better last Heaven knows it's high time I've been waiting on my own Too long” - After Sirius is found innocent and they are at the headquarters. So much time has passed but they have been alone for so long. and it’s time to try again.

“When you hold me like you do It feels so right, oh now“ - They are so different but their love is still so right.

Godspeed - Frank Ocean

“I let go of my claim on you“ - Sirius is gone now. Dead, and Remus knows he needs to move on. He decides to alteast try.

“There will be mountains you won't move“ - This can’t be changed, Sirius is gone.

“'i’ll always love you”  - but he knows in his heart, he will never forget.

“Until the time we die“

- I Shall Believe - Sheryl Crow

“And I know you're on to me That I only come home When I'm so all alone“ - Remus seeking comfort from Tonks after Sirius’ dies.

“No one heals me like you” - Remus about Tonks.

“ Not everything’s going to be the way it outta be” - He knows that Sirius is his love but he doesn’t want to be alone even though this isn’t the way it’s meant to be. He is meant to be with Sirius

“I shall believe” - He believes he can heal.

Touch - Sleeping at last

“Invisible machinery These moving parts inside of me Well, they've been shutting down for quite some time” - Remus as he’s dying at the Battle of Hogwarts. He knows he’s been ready to go for a while. The pain from the wars and from loss and from being a werewolf have crushed him. He’s been shutting down for a while. He just wants peace.

‘But God, I want to feel again“ - He knows that with his death he’s leaving behind Tonks and his son, but he’s just so tired.... he wants to feel again. He loves his son but he knows his time is here.

“Suddenly discover signs of life” -With his death, he is ready for life. To see them again. To see him again.

Simon(in class): Fuck the rich.

Wilhelm:

Ben vs. Paxton (season 2 edition) from a Benvi shipper’s POV 

@montygreen @catty-words

Luna Lovegood’s Instagram

alex: just because you're a prince doesn't mean i'm a damsel in distress

henry: remind me that again when you need me to grab something from the top shelf

alex, looking for stools on Amazon: i fucking hate you

Take a shot everytime Daniel lets Louis know how shitty his apartment was.

Tropes from Marauders/Wolfstar fics that I can’t stand!

- that Sirius is a playboy (there is no canon proof to support this. The only time girls and sirius are mentioned is when (in snape’s memories) girls are looking at sirius but SIRIUS IS PAYING THEM NO MIND. He is described as attractive and confident but only with his friends, not girls)

- the overdramatic view of the prank. (There is no canon proof that the prank caused some HUMUNGOUS rift between remus and sirius. In fact, it is talked about how the marauders as animagi and remus as a werewolf had many close calls when they were together on full moons. It then says how they laughed about it afterwords. Remus wasn’t as stiff as fanon makes him to be._

-THE OVERDRAMATIC VIEW OF SIRIUS’ MISTRUST OF REMUS DURING THE WAR (let me just go off here. Just like the prank, there is no proof that the mistrust thing was really a big deal. 

- there is no proof that sirius mistrusted remus because he was a werewolf, he literally became an animagi for him! Sirius is in the order of the phoenix, an organization to fight a HATE GROUP. He was open minded.

- There is no proof that sirius even KNEW about the fact that remus was with the werewolves. Dumbledore is very secretive and could have told remus not to say anything and remus himself is very secretive. Sirius probably didn’t even know that remus was with werewolves. All he knew was remus was gone a lot and would not say where he’s going without excuses. He could have been saying he was visiting relatives but it was obvi he wasn’t to sirius. That would obvi cause suspicion from sirius when in a middle of war that;s killing everbody, knowing theres a spy, and remus is lying. But there is no proof it’s because he was a werewolf.

-  There is also no proof that sirius became cold or distant towards remus because of his suspicion during the first war. Like people show in fics. Remus is very smart, if sirius was acting cold towards him, he would have put the pieces together. In the shrieking shack, remus is shocked to know that sirius thought he was the traitor. Sirius acted normally towards remus while having a doubt in the back of mind, and only at the VERY END of the war. when peter had become a spy and was wispering things about remus in sirius’ ear

- Also, I think that sirius didn’t actually fully doubt remus but instead had a small doubt in his mind from remus lying and peter wispering. If Sirius truly thought remus was the spy, he would not have been civil with him. He is fiercly loyal to the people he loves and is very brash, he could have confronted remus about betraying lily and james.

- Lastly, sirius doubting remus,  to me honestly, shows me how high he thought of remus. Sirius had to play “Pick which one it could be” it couldnt be james bc he was targeted, peter was thought too dumb. But Remus, sirius thought remus was smart and capable enough. He was just being realistic

LASTLY, the trope that lily and james mistrusted remus, There is no canon proof of this. Like i said earlier, remus would have noticed if all his friends began acting weird towards him. There is no canon proof that anyone but sirius even came close to doubting. and from lily and james’ personality we can difer that they didn’t doubt him. James was loyal to a fault and lily “was there for me at a time no one else was.- remus”