Probably Not Applicable To Some, But Getting On Grindr Honestly. I'm Never Going To Be Someone Who Is

probably not applicable to some, but getting on grindr honestly. i'm never going to be someone who is able to leave the house regularly without knowing what might happen (as you might need to in irl cruising spaces or sex/kink parties) but grindr has been incredibly accessible for just having people desire me. i know the common advice is to not rely on other people for self validation, and i'm not suggesting to base your self-worth on it but in terms of knowing that i can be a hot man (when i was never desired when i was perceived as a black woman) grindr has been very useful for me. i learned how to claim my own space from being bombarded by cis men some of whom turn transphobic when they don't immediately get what they want. and the separation provided by a screen was helpful too.

I completely cosign this. Hopping on Grindr was a massive shot in the arm for my self-confidence during the dissolution of my long-term straight partnership. My ego was RAVAGED with insecurity over my changing body, societal transphobia about what those changes supposedly meant for my attractiveness, and my partner's cooling interest. I also feared that no gay men would ever accept me. But the moment I hopped on Grindr (with a trashy-sexy abs-and-peek-of-underboob profile photo) i was so inundated with enthusiastic responses that my phone overheated and shut off. There were guys foaming at the mouth trying to fuck me literally 50 feet away! (i lived in a many-unit apartment building so this was not as terrifying as it might sound to some).

Getting validation from other people is completely legitimate tbh. We are social beings and we find belonging and interpretation of who we are socially! Getting a ton of attention from dudes on Grindr gave me the confidence to go into cruisy gay bars, to waltz around tiddies-out at the sauna, and put more of my energy into dating in a more intentional way. People want to feel sexy, they want love and touch! Nothing wrong with trying to get it. And to this day, I find it easier to negotiate a hookup via text than irl, too.