This Is Me Everyday Of My Life For The Past 8 Years

Breaking my own heart over here.

You cannot convince me Jean didnt desperately wait for Kevin to come back for him 🥲

Andrew doesnt like whne people touch his things, he doesnt share and Neil is his. When a small fangroup of girls rushes up to Neil before the game, he ignores them, prentending he doesn't care. He stands far off blocking out the random squeals and complements until one of the girls asks for a picture. Neil gives a shrug and a fake smile to get it over with, the girl getting up on her toes to kiss his cheek and take the picture. Andrew takes two steps forward before they are called for lineup. His eyes don't leave the girl until Neil is as his side again. The game goes by in a blur, score after score, shut down after shut down, Andrew keeps most of his frustration in check, only getting worked up when the ball makes it to his goal. They win 17 to 8 and when the bell tolls Andrew steps out of his goal. The foxes celebrate in the middle and he joins them, almost, barely two feet off of the huddle, he motions for Neil. Neil obeys and walks over, taking off his gloves on his way. Andrew has already removed his gloves and helmet, abandoning them at the goal. When Neil makes it to him, his helmet is unbuckled but in place, so Andrew laces his fingers with the guard, tugging it.

"Off." Neil obeys, pulling it over his head and letting Andrew drop it to the floor. "Yes or no?" Neil looks at him suprized, he doesnt ever want public affection, and with this many people around? Neil pans over the crowd, scanning the faces of cheering bystanders. Andrew grabs his face and pulls him back. "Yes or no?" He repeats, locking their eyes together.

"Its always yes. You know that." Neil cant help but smile as Andrew rolls his eyes then yanks him to him. Neil instinctively puts his hands in his hair, pulling him closer. Their kiss is aggressive and sudden and over before Neil is satisfied, but he drops his hands and lets Andrew push him away. Neil only stares when its over, wanting more and not caring for the thousands who just saw. Andrew turns his head to where the fangirls sit, then grabs Neil by the collar, pulling him off the court, Neil only smiles wider as the foxes lose their minds about what just happened, exchanging their bet payouts.

Take this man to get a tattoo. Take 👏 this👏 man 👏 to 👏 get 👏 a 👏 tattoo!! GAH theres nothing else that can make him reach peak hotness (big messy manbun 👀) like a tattoo can.

No but really, I can see him getting like blackberry flowers or maybe seashells in remembrance of Elodie. Something simple and sweet, very little coloring thats well shaded on his forearm or his bicep. Maybe even putting her name in fancy cursive (if he can bring himself to be so sentimental, I know he struggles to say/hear her name)

As much as I would really like to see him reunited with her (remains)

[ talked about here https://www.tumblr.com/smittenmeraki/778038352449601536/no-because-i-keep-thinking-of-neil-having-his?source=share ],

I dont think that will happen and this is a beautiful way for him to pay tribute and put her to rest.

at some point after tgr, the trojans sit cat down intervention-style

‘cat you CANNOT keep making jean hotter. you taught him how to cook. you taught him how to drive a motorcycle and helped him get his own. you’re getting him to show his soft boy side in public. you helped convince him to be a dog dad cat we CAN’T HANDLE ANY MORE the whole team is obsessed with him and jeremy is DYING can you have some CONSIDERATION cat’

RIP this pannel of Jeremy

I had JUST finished coloring it then my computer crashed and that entire frame is gone, the only proof of its existence is this very incomplete picture I sent me sister 😭😭😭

I want it so badly to be a step by step process. Starting out fully clothed with Jeremy washing his hair and arms the, maybe he realizes Jean can't stand water in his face so he just wipes him down with wet hands instead of trying to get him under the water. Maybe a week or so goes by and it happens again, but this time Jean's comfortable enough to take off his shirt, allowing Jeremy to wash his back and get the lent out of his scars. (As someone with a lot of scars lent is such a battle especially in spots you can't reach) By the third time Jean is able to close his eyes without being scared, letting the water rush over him without flinching. Two or three months into these occasional showers, Jean is willing to try to put his face in the water, but he clings to Jeremy the whole time, who holds a dry towel for him if he panics. And they get through it and Jean is learning that the water isn't what hurt him. Showers can be good. Showers with Jeremy are better.

desperately in need of a non-sexual jerejean shower scene with their clothes on. jeremy washing jean’s hair. jean realizing that water is not always meant to hurt, but it can even be relaxing. jeremy softly yapping non-stop so jean doesn’t get lost in his thoughts. help

Ok I just made myself so sad. I'm sitting here listening to The Devil Wears Prada : Louder Than Thunder and I imagined Aiden laying in bed screaming this song into an empty house.

"Are we meant to be empty handed, I know I could, I could be better, I dont think I deserve it"

This kid probably so desperately wanted a house full of a family being obnoxious and annoying over all the things he dealt with in his head.

If he truly was s**cidal than I feel like he would have had a lot of those moments (I remember laying in bed crying to this song, maybe I'm just reflecting😅)

thinking about how Jeremy knows that Jean is afraid of water but not necessarily that he was waterboarded at evermore.

thinking about how Jean knows that Jeremy got clean off coke but not necessarily that he spent 5 weeks in rehab.

thinking about how Jeremy takes the stairs with Jean because Jean is claustrophobic but he doesn’t know Jean was locked in a box.

thinking about how Jean lets Jeremy nap instead of practicing because he’s tired but doesn’t know he’s fallen asleep driving.

thinking about how Jeremy knows Jean had feelings for Kevin but not how deep the pain of Kevin’s betrayal truly goes.

thinking about how Jean has no idea that Jeremy was left high and dry by the first man that was more than just a hookup to him.

thinking about how Jeremy doesn’t know Jean cried so hard he almost vomited after Grayson’s attacks back in the Nest.

thinking about how Jean doesn’t know that Bryson has threatened to plant drugs if Jeremy doesn’t fail the LSAT.

thinking about how Jeremy doesn’t know that Jean has had his life sworn away to a man who can and will use him as an income.

thinking about how Jean doesn’t know that Jeremy’s entire life and future are locked away somewhere that Jeremy doesn’t even know.

thinking about how Jeremy doesn’t know that Jean wouldn’t have lived in any other life.

thinking about how Jean doesn’t know that Jeremy would’ve been waiting forever for him.

just thinking about them and what they don’t know about each other.

also on a lighter note:

thinking about how Jeremy doesn’t know that Jean crushed hard on his photos.

thinking about how Jean doesn’t know that he is undeniably Jeremy’s exact type.

thinking about how Jeremy doesn’t know that Jean’s favorite color is brown because of his eyes.

thinking about how Jean doesn’t know that Jeremy saw gold peonies reflected in his eyes during the fireworks.

TGR SPOILERS

Jeremy has paid an exorbitant price for his brother's suicide, which, to be honest, wasn't even his. Noah shouldn't have been his responsibility in the first place. He's lost his family and will never get it back. The press humiliated him, the police denigrated him, his siblings and stepfather constantly insult him, his IDs have been seized, and he has no financial control to the point where he has to explain himself for buying a cup of coffee (and without ID, he can't work, so he can't make a living any other way). His family tries to isolate him by buying off his ex-partner. Bryson threatens him. Jeremy knows his future doesn't depend on him, so he decides he'll take some fun classes while he can. The guilt is so great that he seeks out dangerous and degrading sex in search of redemption. He allows his mother to boss him around, trying to get her to forgive him and love him. He's desperate for his biological father to call him.

And yet, he greets you with a fucking smile every day and tries to help his teammates as best he can and make everything as bearable for them. And yet, he tries to call Kevin and Neil to tell them not to overexert themselves when he's always so tired, he sometimes falls asleep while driving.

That's Jeremy Knox.

That's Captain Sunshine.

Okay, I'm supposed to be sleeping but I need to make this or I'll die.

We're all talking about how this is the only universe where Jean lives, but the same applies to Jeremy. Throughout TSC and TGR there are multiple references of how Jeremy views his 5th year as his "last year". The most damming is this:

I think it's fair to say that Jeremy was planning to kill himself after he finished college. He'd be forced to do the LSAT, and it doesn't matter if he succeedes or not, Mathilda would never allow him to pursuit a career on professional Exy. Even without Jean, the Trojans would surely win this year Championships, and Jeremy would have the taste of the life he can't have. He'd be forced to abandon the only thing that brings him purpose and joy; the only thing that allows him to be himself without expectations; and do something he hates for the rest of his life. He'd reach his breaking point.

We know Jeremy is very close to the edge. It may not appear, mainly because of how hard he avoids dealing with his crumbling mental state. He's like this big, beautiful and lush tree that's completely hollowed out and rotten on the inside. It looks healthy and strong, but one strong wind and it topples like a piece of paper. Jeremy is on his last strings. He may not kill himself in every timeline, but he'd be like Andrew without Neil: joyless.

The only thing that brings him away from the edge is Jean. Jean is the one who gives Jeremy strength to confront his family. Beacuse Jean makes his life worth fighting for. The same way Jeremy makes Jean's life worth living.

They are truly meant for the other. They are soulmates in the purest, most literal form, for one cannot live without the other. Jean is destined to die without his Sun. Jeremy is destined to snuff out without his Moon.

Jean, Jeremy, Kevin and Neil all meet up somewhere for something (not the point)

Kevin and Jean are both wearing black T-shirts with dark jeans and regular shoes.

Neil and Jeremy are both wearing a baggy T-shirt with jorts. The only difference being that Jeremy looks like he could be on the cover of a beach magazine while Neil looks like he dug his clothes out of the bottom of a goodwill dumpster.

Jeremy is immediately in golden retriever mode like 'maybe we can be friends'

Neil is pissed.