I Hope I Never Get Tired Of The Night Sky, Of Thunderstorms, Of Watching Cream Make Galaxies In My Coffee.

An Intro

Hello, friends!

I initially planned for my first post to be an introduction to my life. However, something has changed the course of my fitness journey, a major part of my life, for the time being and, as such, has altered my mental health journey, too. 

Here’s what’s up: I have mono. No biggie, really, except that means I can’t exercise like at all for at least one month. Also no biggie, right?

Well, it wouldn’t be except for the fact that I genuinely struggle when it comes to physical fitness. I’m a Type A and an ENTJ, which means I don’t know how to rest. Period. I go hard. I get results. I push myself to be the best. Consequentially, I’ve hit rock bottom several times, both mentally and physically. I’ve had eating disorders in the past and am currently getting over a binge eating disorder/unhealthy relationship with exercise. I also have issues with depression and anxiety, to put it lightly. Since I started college, I used exercise as a way to increase my self-worth---terrible, terrible idea. I tried to convince myself I was doing it to better myself, and to some extent, I was. Mostly, though, I started lifting because I wanted to show my dedication to the gym, to not be ashamed when parts of me jiggled a little when I walked, to not want to avoid social interaction for the fear of being called the “fat friend.” (Sidenote: I realize I’m not fat. I’m proud of my big thighs and big booty because I worked my ass on.)

But I digress.

The comparison game has been torturing me---stress weight, stomach ulcers, major depression, horrible anxiety... the list goes on. This mono hit at the right time, honestly. I seriously broke down when I realized I couldn’t work as hard in the gym as I’d like. See that? That self-worth-depends-only-on-gym-results BS? Yeah. That’s been killing me for years. And I’m sick of it.

Since I can’t lift weights, I’m completely adapting my fitness regimen and learning to love myself right now. In the grand scheme of things, no one gives a flying frick that I don’t look like a Gymshark model. So what if my exercise is walking thirty to forty-five minutes around downtown every other day? I might throw in a light bodyweight workout if I have the energy. 

I’m learning to eat intuitively, despite the fact so many girls who lift swear by tracking macros. My history of eating disorders makes this so much harder than it should be (heck, I eat 85% paleo, even when it comes to desserts). But, you know what? I’m a quarter of the way through my life right now. I’m tired of being afraid of eating certain foods. I’m tired of not being able to go out with friends to eat because I don’t know the macros for the items on the menu. 

I’m learning to eliminate everything that increases my tendencies to become depressed or anxious---that means following things on Instagram that motivate me to be healthy, not to look healthy. I’m going to start training for a half-marathon when I get better and use weight training to supplement that for strength. 

In short, I’m learning to live. To not set such rigid standards for myself (as freaking difficult as it is). To not give a flying frick about what other people think of me. To not let food or the gym interrupt making memories with my friends. To realize my self worth lies in my talent, ambition, kindness, and humor. 

Who would’ve thought a virus saved my life?

@ some NTs I know:

xNTx: If I ruled the world, it’d be such a peaceful place.

Also xNTx: *argues with themselves, their dog, their walls, their teachers, their parents, and sometimes even their shadow*

Reason 183949537 I love space

Jupiter’s surface looks like it came from a dream

Small Ways To Improve Your Life

make your bed to immediately make your room look more put together

water first, then coffee or tea

pray or meditate, even just for ten minutes, to set the tone for your day

browse the news headlines ( & read the articles that interest you when you’ve got time)

wear something you feel b o m b in

listen to music while doing your daily activities-commuting, cleaning, cooking, exercising

smile at at least two people

smile at YOURSELF

call or message someone you love

eat food that makes you feel radiant

make lists of things you need to accomplish for the day

stretch for 10 minutes

record in your phone the positive thoughts you have so you can remember them

carry water with you (always always always)

shut off your phone for an hour and have some ME time

take a hot shower or bath at the end of a stressful day

try to make plans to spend time with someone at least once a week

think about 3 things you are grateful for at the end of each day

do something calming, relaxing, and non-electronic 30 minutes before you sleep

sleep pants-less

MBTI types as things in the sky

ENFJ: The rising sun on a summer morning.

ENFP: A constellation pointed out by friends star gazing.

ENTJ: A jet breaking the sound barrier.

ENTP: A super nova, releasing all of its star power.

ESFJ: A shooting star, holding on to a wish.

ESFP: A meteor shower passing over a summer camping party.

ESTJ: A satellite, precisely orbiting the earth.

ESTP: A distant planet waiting to be explored.

INFJ: The Northern Lights, dancing in the sky.

INFP: The Moon, both its illuminated side and its dark side.

INTJ: A cumulonimbus, majestically brewing from the storm inside.

INTP: A black hole, both mysterious and mesmerizing.

ISFJ: A rainbow after a spring shower.

ISFP: A colorful hot air balloon flying at dawn.

ISTJ: The International Space Station looking over an hurricane on planet earth.

ISTP: A parachute, deploying gracefully and falling freely.

Why Your MBTI Type is Attractive

ESTP: You ooze tactile, and touch, something about your very down to earth and hands on persona is so tantalizing, you’re so full of passion and willpower, it’s hard not to find you sexy at all.

ISTP: Enigmatic, Aloof, brooding, with a low-key childlike humor is very intriguing you’re hard to miss, and something about your handiwork is beyond magnetizing, You’re an old soul and child in one.

ESFP: You are radiant, glowing with excitement and vivacity. Your inner strength and pure willpower are unbelievably attractive and admirable, you have this earthy, “I know what I’m doing” vibe.

ISFP: Your shyness hides this intense need for physical action and connection. Your independence and ethereal mystery create this atmosphere of depth and raw love of pleasure. You breathe sex appeal.

ESTJ: You have a commanding presence, something strong and secure and people wish they could handle anything thrown at them the may you do, you’re in control, and it’s hard to miss you with all that confidence.

ISTJ: You have a natural rhythm and go with your own flow, it’s insanely intoxicating. You have an air of structure and intensity, you’re willpower is undeniable, and your thoughts are like wildfire.

ESFJ: You are warmth, and generosity, something about your need for beauty and harmony is beyond desirable. You create a haven of light and love and are so sensual it’s beyond sexy.

ISFJ: Your discreet charm, and smitten smile is beyond attractive, you are tender hearted, but have this hidden strength that others can feel. They love your shelter and you radiate this intense love of sensuality.

ENTJ: you are usually perceived as confident in your thoughts and actions, you know what you’re doing and go into it without questioning, you’re calculated, and usually quite charismatic.

INTJ: You’re meticulous and observant, you work hard and play harder and people love that mystery of your very detached presence, something about you is both fully present and other worldly.

ENTP: You’re witty, charismatic, and novel. You’re like a flame and people are drawn to you. You have a sharp and piercing humor that is so magnetizing. You know how to persuade and are usually very smooth.

INTP: you’re lowkey, dreamy and so interesting. Something about your independence and aloofness is so interesting and people want to know the way you’re thinking, or what you’re thinking about at all.

ENFP: You radiate positivity, charm and electricity, your youthful need for adventure and possibility are contagious and you are so magnetic and sensational because of it.

INFP: You feel so deeply and ardently, you get swept into a dream world that others only wish they can touch. You’re full of romance, and saccharine that so many people feel drawn to your vulnerability.

ENFJ: You’re a warm, and uplifting spirit. Like the sun, you radiate certainty in yourself and something about your devotion to those you love is so incredibly attractive, you can’t be missed.

INFJ: You have a natural refinement and elegance to you, you have a beautiful presence of peace and wisdom and mystery. People want to know what you know, they want to get into your head.

I hate it when people say technology is taking away kids’ childhoods If anything, it’s actually giving kids more of an opportunity to let their imagination out

A lot of times when I let kids play on my phone, they go for the drawing app. I watched a girl on the bus write a silly poem about her friends and then laugh as she made Siri read it I hear children say to their friends “hey, FaceTime me later” because they still want to talk face to face even when they’re far away. I see kids sitting, who would feel lonely and ignored if it weren’t for the fact that they’re texting their friends who are far away. Children still climb trees. They might just take a selfie from the top to show off how high they’ve gotten. They can immediately read the next book of their favorite series on their Kindles. Most kids would still be up for a game of cops and robbers. Or maybe they’d google rules to another game they haven’t played yet. When children wonder why the sky is blue, they don’t get an exasperated “I don’t know” from tired adults. They can go on Wikipedia and read about light waves and our atmosphere. They show off the elaborate buildings they created on Minecraft.

Technology isn’t ruining childhoods, it’s enhancing them.

Actual advice on how to study for engineering courses from a first year student

Okay so I just finished my first semester in university and lets just say I’ve got to change my whole learning/studying style to be able to survive here. Here are some of the things I’ve learnt to do and will be doing in second semester:

1. Start backwards:

 I highschool, you try to learn the subject by going to class, listening to the teacher, then going home, reading the textbook, then doing the homework, then making notes, then studying for the final. In engineering, you have to do this backwards: You will realize that you are going to be basically teaching yourself the content one way or another soon before the finals, so better start now. First, go through the past exams and past papers - make a list of all the major topics covered (example: if in an electrical circuits course, a question on a past final exam is “find the equivalent circuit using thevenin’s theorem” then write Thevenin’s theorem as a topic to be learned). Then go on youtube and find videos that explain each of these topics to you and make rough notes on these topics. (Reblog if you want me to make a master list of all the youtubers that teach engineering really well). Then go through he textbook and find sample questions not he theorem/topic you learnt off of youtube, and solve them. Then write your doubts in a notebook. Then go to class and have two notebooks open : one where you are taking notes of what the prof is saying, and one which has your practice problems solved, and see if the prof clarifies your doubts in the lecture. The lecture should be review of what you learnt at home!!!! Then, after class go to the prof and clarify any doubts. Then go home and make final notes on the topic. I like to make notes on cue cards (more on this later). Then go back to the final exam and see if you can solve the problem.

2. Make cue cards:

I like to get index cards and write a short note on how to solve each type of question I am likely to see on a final exam on each question card. Example: one cue card for “how to find resistance using wheatstone bridge” . I link the cue cards with a clip and its easier to carry the around and study.

3. Get pretty notebooks and organize your stationary. Its easier to stay focused when everything is pretty.