Harry: Hello

Marvel References

tony: who the fuck are you?

deadpool: who the fuck are YOU?

tony: the owner of the couch you’re sitting on.

deadpool: [relaxes] OH. you’re one of peter’s gay dads. hi. it’s britney bitch

Or

tony: Who the fuck are you?

deadpool: I’m Batman

Or

Tony: who the fuck are you?

Deadpool: who the fuck are YOU?

Drax: WHY the fuck are you?

Ravenclaw: if a car was going to hit you and you couldn’t jump to the side, jump up you will have a better chance of survival.

Ravenclaw: I feel like you would need that information

Slytherin: If I saw a car coming towards me I wouldn’t move, I would stand still and let it hit me.

Ravenclaw: …wow

Person A: Wake up, darling!

Person B: *continues sleeping*

Person A: I made you coffee.

Person B: Oh that's really nice of you but I will stab you if you don't let me sleep.

Person A: *slowly backs out of the room*

me day 1 of harringrove: wow their hate sex would be amazing

me day 23 of harringrove: billy wants steve to call him baby and pet his hair

Richie: *talking to Eddie* Well hello there, you’re looking very

Richie: *seductively takes of glasses*

Richie: Blurry.

*phone rings on dec 25th*

Steve: *sleepily* hello?

Billy: Happy chrimmus!

Steve: Billy? what the fuck -

Billy: Is chrismun!

Steve: It's 2am

Billy: Merry crisis!

Steve: I'm so tired

Billy: Merry chrysler!

Steve: please stop

Draco: When you said you did magic in bed, this isn't what I was expe-

Harry [holding up 9 of clubs]: Is this your card?

Draco [softly]: Holy shit

[on a date]

me: so, enemies to lovers or friends to lovers?

my date: actually, I prefer established relationships-

me, shoving breadsticks into my purse: I think we’re done here

When your mate’s snoring too loud…

“He’s been snoring for hours and I can’t get to sleep… What I’m gonna do is, I’m gonna hit him with this pillow…OK?”

“Fuck! Fuck Jacob get fucking down. I’ve been fuckin’ shot”

[Laughter]

“JACOB”

So uh… anyone remember this image floating around on the internet?

Well do I have news for you…