The Paparazzi Somehow Gets A Hold Of Damian Shortly After He Starts Living With Bruce And Leave Fully

dick grayson canonically works the weirdest fucking jobs.

he’s like a teenager who’s pretty desperate to start working and will take *anything* that’s available, just cus. except he’s 28 (?) and definitely doesn’t need to work

as robin he ran a SUMMER CAMP just cus it’s cute. dick just likes to get involved with random ass friend groups of coworkers. he’s like “i guess i’m gonna die someday, i guess i should just give it a shot!”

he’s a list of canonical, and headcannon jobs dick grayson has worked 🩵

Camp Instructer

vigilante (duh)

lifeguard

radio jocky

museum curator

travel guide

gymnastics instructor

gardener

mail man (but like… a hot one)

hair dresser

life coach

fitness instructor

professor

acrobat

managing an antique shop

painting miniature glass birds

working in a retirement home

cop

stripper cop

GLOBE OF DEATH rider (look it up)

retail

i headcannon that most of these jobs he didn’t even get HIRED he just showed up and started helping out and it just turned into a thing. like he just did a couple volunteer things at a local retirement home in blüdhaven, and people just assumed he worked there and gave him a schedule etc, and he just is happy to help.

or if he’s undercover for an extended period of time, and he just decides it would be cool and help his cover if he started doing ‘insert job’. and he just kept doing it past the missions requirements.

just cus he’s part of the team now! and he already told maggie he’d cover her shift at Dons Deli Emporium- even though they never officially hired him. 🤷

A concept: your typical ragtag team of misfit supers, but they all follow different realities/logics as their powers.

One of them has standard anime/magical girl abilities, one can utilize cartoon logic to their advantage, one of them has near omniscience thanks to their ability to break the fourth wall, and another one has protagonist luck that ensures they always win.

There's a place just down the street where they chop off angel's wings and fry them in oil. You should try some. Oh, the angels? Yeah they're regular people now. Simultaneously their freedom of flight is ripped away from them violently and yet at the same time they are granted freedom from the yoke of divine subservience so it's bitter sweet for them or some gay shit like that. Anyways the wings are really good.

Instead of Billy being some mysterious being that no one knows is a child what if literally everyone in Fawcett knows.

like, Billy will go into an active terrorist attack and everyone will be like "Yeah okay, that's fine". he visits children's hospitals like he does as Captain Marvel but he turns back for the kids who are scared of his larger form.

When frustrated in a fight he'll throw a small fit at the villain and everyone won't call him immature or odd for it instead they go "Yeah, well he was a big meanie anyway!" and "I'd never wanna be that bully!".

After fights Billy will get taken out for milkshakes and such with the whole block drinking with him. he'll kick an officer in the knee and everyone will curse the officer out (using censored words of course, this is Fawcett, and they are with a child).

They find out he's homeless and suddenly a random black hair blue-eyed orphan kid owns the most expensive apartment in the city.

After Billy joins the league batman has a heart attack trying to figure out who he is with every member quietly doing the same.

For some reason, no one in Fawcett will tell them about his identity despite them clearly knowing it. it doesn't help that any information regarding it magically distorts after a couple of days ( Zatana had said it was a safety precaution for the Champions identity)

One day Billy invites them to Fawcett for his birthday party and theirs a giant crowd asking him to "go small" The league's confused because Captain Marvel doesn't "go small".

And then he goes small and everyone's treating the captain turning into a ten-year-old child as normal.

The league just stands there in shock as they realize that yes, Captain Marvel Is an orphan child and an entire city knew before they got any hint.

(batman cries himself to sleep that night)

I still can't get over how much I love the fact that The Batman didn't have Batman disguise his voice when in the suit. I know the choice was a practical one (and I'm glad Matt Reeves made that decision), but I also absolutely LOVE the way it aligns with this particular iteration of Bruce. This is a Bruce who is PHENOMENALLY uncomfortable in his own skin and his identity as Bruce Wayne. He's a reclusive, mentally ill, highly traumatized man who's extremely uncomfortable in every social interaction he has to endure as Bruce, and we can see that in every aspect of his presence. He's hunched, barely makes eye contact, and just generally gives the sense that he's trying his hardest to sink into the floor.

He's completely different as Batman. There's a confidence and physicality to his presence- he takes up undeniable space in an unapologetic way. Bruce is comfortable as Batman in a way that he isn't as Bruce Wayne. He's still quiet and soft-spoken, and the biggest change in his voice is that it's MAYBE a little deeper at times- otherwise it's just his regular speaking voice. It doesn't matter though because his physical presence is so vastly different as Batman compared to Bruce Wayne that he feels like a completely different person even with the same voice. Pattison's command over his physical presence in and out of the suit is masterful enough that even we as the audience get the sense that these are two different people despite KNOWING that Batman and Bruce Wayne are the same person.

More than that, I think letting Batman have the same quiet voice as Bruce actually ADDS to his physical presence. He's quiet and soft-spoken but he is goddamn THERE and his presence can't be ignored. It really highlights the comfort and confidence Bruce feels as Batman that he very painfully does NOT feel as Bruce Wayne, and I absolutely LOVE that we get to have this contrast. Props to Matt Reeves for making that decision and mega props to Robert Pattinson for being able to convey it all so well

Tim: wait, you quit smoking?

Jason: I quit smoking when I became Robin.

Tim: Ok,That Is Not True. I've seen you smoke recently, don't gaslight me!

Dick: You didn't really quit smoking when you were Robin Jay, you used to take my cigs sometimes

Duke: wait,, YOU used to smoke??

Dick: Yeah, back when I was Nightwing

Duke: You're /still/ Nightwing ???

Tim: He means back when he was Discowing

Duke: What's discowing???

Jason: The reason I used to smoke.

forever thinking about how marcille and laios have such a richly weird and funny friendship dynamic that people I see tend to write off as "god she hates his ass" but in reality it's the frustration of one neurodivergent weirdgirl to another neurodivergent weirdboy who has no concept of masking, has never had to mask, and simply doesn't know how to mask making their entire group come across as "the weirdo freaks" despite her best efforts to not be labelled as "weird" probably her entire life

Imagine a world where Batman and his family never joined the Justice League but like, both Wonder Woman and Superman know him.

They mention him idly sometimes and even despite not being there (that they know of) he's become the League's cryptid. No one knows who this hero is- Gotham sticks to itself, it's a shithole but it's their shithole- or where they are or anything??

Eventually rumors start going around between the heroes. Is the bat some sort of eldritch being? They overheard the big 2 say something about shadows and undead revival?? Their secret boyfriend? They heard them talk about kids???

It comes to a slight head when during a mind-controlled Superman rampage he gets tackled by a black blur and the next time they see him he's fine?? No mind control??? What?????

"Oh, Bats was passing by and is exasperated about me getting mind controlled again."

Supes that doesn't explain as much as you think it does-

Bruce unintentionally dissing the league while praising his kids is so funny to me

Bruce: we need an expert marksman for this job

Oliver: *getting ready to stand up to fully accept Bruce’s praise*

Bruce: Redhood will be here shortly. We also need someone quick on their feet. Luckily Cass is working on a case nearby so we can ask her