Let's Pretend That This Is The Right Timeline Because What If Dick Becomes Batman At The Same Time When

Idle doodles

The Wayne kids aren’t mafia, but individually they’re scary enough for people to assume they are. Everyone knows Brucie Wayne is the biggest himbo ever and his kids are running everything from the shadows. It’s like…a given. Seriously have you seen his kids? Tim’s even the CEO at 18.

Dick is beloved. Everywhere he goes kids practically flock to him, but people have seen him slam one too many possible child predators into a wall with the most threatening smile for them to think he’s all sunshine and rainbows.

One time, a mother asked for his help because his daughter was missing and the police wouldn’t help. Dick made one call (to Tim or Oracle), and the child was back by the end of the day and an entire trafficking ring was taken down. When asked he simply smiled and denied any involvement but said he was over joyed that one more trafficking ring was out of their city.

Jason Todd is Crime Alley’s hero. More so than anyone else, he has directed funds to help the area he called home before being taken in by Wayne. He died, but no one actually believes that. The Wayne children’s “mafia” had him doing something under cover. And while dick is all threat with a smile, Jason is Threaten with a frown. He can send people running with just a look.

someone noticed that Jason is always strapped. Man has no less than 5 weapons and one is always a gun. He doesn’t hide it, kids always ask him question and Jason always stops to answer them if he has the time. Even shows kids a few moves if they need to defend themselves. For whatever reason people don’t connect hood to Jason, but they definitely think Jason is funding hood.

Tim is the most relatable. Certified genius and always down to help kids with homework. Sometimes he’ll camp out in a cafe for the day. Without fail his location gets leaked and by mid afternoon he’s put away his WE work to tutor any students who have walked in.

He’s always tired, always has coffee, and always gives people a smile, but he knows too much. Rumor is that nothing happens in this town without Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne knowing. One time he was taking a break at the park, scrolling through his phone when a group approached him clearly intent on kidnapping him. Before they even got close Tim was reciting their social security number, their cell phones, the names of their loved ones, and their address.

When Tim looked up it was with a tired smirk that clearly came across as a warning. He then stood, slipped a business card onto the bench, and told them if they need work to call this number and their reps will help them find something regardless of their past record.

Rumor has it the downfall of the most recent corrupt socialite was completely orchestrated by Tim.

Damian is a little gremlin that has the family wrapped around his finger. At first their were rumors of infighting between the two youngest (Tim and Damian), but then how could that be possible when at the first sign of trouble Timothy materializes out of the shadows wearing his mother’s smile that promised social and financial ruin if you so much as looked at his baby brother wrong.

Dick flat out punched a man in the face for calling Damian a terrorist. The “victim” was high society and swore up and down that their would be a law suit, but Tim took care of it with a few photos and screen shots of an affair that would have ruined the man in question.

Damian has scary dog privilege on his own, but it’s a whole new ballpark when Jason is out with him. Apparently someone tried to kidnap Damian on the way to meet up with Jason and the bats didn’t even need to be called. Jason took care of it before they even got the kid in the van.

Damian is a violent little thing. Everyone knows, even if it was never announced, that he got it from where ever he had been living before, so they always gave him a little leeway, especially since his violent tendencies were decreasing…at least physically. Damian can, will, and regularly verbally eviscerates anyone who wrongs him. It’s impressive as it is scary. This kid looks at you like he can read every insecurity you’ve ever had and is not afraid to air it to the world while also insulting you into the grave.

Individually they’re terrifying, but the reason that they’re still Gotham’s golden family is because together the goofiest fucking people you have ever seen in your life (also the endless amount of charity work they do together as a family). When all four siblings are together they always end up trending and it’s always the funniest shit you’ve ever seen.

During the first major snow when all of the streets were shut down the Wayne Boys were out in all terrain jeeps shredding it up dragging someone behind them on ski’s or a snowboard

Somehow, all four boys were spotted trekking across town covered in a rainbow of colored powder. When someone enquired they admitted to getting into a rather harmless prank war with the currently reformed Ivy and Harleen Quiznel. If asked they totally won, but the fact that no part of any of the boys was uncovered said otherwise.

Dick once asked social media to help him track down Tim because he hadn’t slept in 3 days and was not supposed to leave the house. He’d been spotted at a cafe he doesn’t usually frequent and anyone around to witness the retrieval would later say it was the cleanest covert op they’d ever witnessed from the Wayne boys. Jason was the get away driver, dick was on retrieval duty, and Damian was there to make sure their route in and out was clear (hold open the door). Tim was recorded yelling every creative non curse (because no cursing in front of Damian, Alfred said so) under the sky, struggling in the arms of Dick Grayson who was smiling bright enough to rival the sun. 3 minutes in and out. The video screen shots are still used as a meme template to this day.

Brucie Wayne gets asked about his boys in interviews a lot. There are a lot of times where he’s only finding out about their shenanigans due to the interview question, but he just smiles and says he’s happy they’re all getting along while mentally planning out how to deal with them later.

Batlantern where they are openly dating but no one believes them.

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Hal, during some small talks at Watchtower : "You know, Bat, you can offer me some privileges."

Bruce : "That's called nepotism, Lantern. No."

Dick, the guest of honor today : "What's that about?"

Hal : "You know, lover privilege, husband favoritism, something, anything."

Dick, thinking about Bruce's past romance heartbreaks : "That's not nice to tease him with something insensitive like that."

Everyone else in the room : *nodding and humming in agreement*

Hal : "Huh?"

Bruce, as equally confuse : "Hn."

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Tim : "You know him. He is kinda extra when it comes to his cover. You're attractive, you can score someone pretty easily even after this whole thing is over."

Hal, who just want to grab a glass of water from bats's kitchen : "... okay?"

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Olliver : "He can't really tell when to stop joking sometimes, so don't be too hard on him. I'm sure you can hook up with someone soon to shut him up."

Bruce, doesn't even know where to start : *grunt*

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Bruce, during an outing with Clark and Diana : "I wonder if my choice would annoy him or not."

Clark, sighing : "Bruce, I know you two don't have the best relationship, but you can't just keep pastering him with your whims."

Diana, nodding : "I don't know what kind of psychological warfare you're planning on him, but you need to not take it too far."

Bruce, who just wants to ask opinion on his choice of movie for their next date : "You two are unbelievable."

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Hal : "I am not joking. I went to bed with him."

Barry : "Dude, stop annoying him. He will kill you one day."

Hal, frustrated : "I am telling you—!"

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Billy, in his Champion form : "I truly believe we only kiss the people we love."

Hal, freaking out because Billy—out of all people—accidentally seeing them making out : "Look, I know this is not a professional way to use any room in Watchtower but—"

Billy : "You know, you two took the whole battering fiasco way too far this time."

Bruce, still internally shaking for not noticing Billy entering the room : "... you can't seriously believe that's what's going on."

Billy : "Hey. Wisdom of Solomon."

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Damian : "That being said, we should treat Jordan with respect since he is willing to put up with Father's schemes."

Other bats : *agreed*

Bruce, just give up at this point : "This house is supposed to be the nest of a bunch of detectives."

The Batfamily, by proxy of being raised by Bruce (undercover pro, lies every other word) and Alfred (actor in another life and in possession of the world’s blankest poker face), are probably the best at just running with something (a con, a secret identity, an undercover job, etc) and acting it out 100% believably. With zero hesitation.

Someone runs up to Red Hood one night in an alley and says “pretend to be my boyfriend! please, he’s following me!” and suddenly that’s not Jason Todd, Crime Lord. That’s Todd from the upper east side, and what the fuck man? leave her alone, you’re fucking tripping!

Etc etc.

Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer

wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?

Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)

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Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰

No but you know how Dick still randomly does handstands as an adult? I feel like that's something Bruce must be incredibly fond of. Dick is grown up in most ways, but in that way, he's still the kid Bruce remembers.

Detective Comics 2021 Annual

Yet another JL learns about Batfam post

Featuring: everybody loves Nightwing

So, Nightwing isn’t technically a member of the JL, but everyone knows him and adores him. Even Batman seems to tolerate him fine.

They’re on a mission. Let’s say alien invasion. Or killer robots. Something large scale and dramatic.

Everyone’s fighting in the same general vicinity. Nightwing and Batman just happen (read: either very carefully planned, unconscious habit, or a combination of the two) to be fairly close together.

Suddenly, an explosion happens. Everyone is knocked down. Including the aliens/robots. Conveniently, they stop being an issue now, so we can focus on The Reveal.

Anyway, everyone knocked down. They start to get up and look around, checking to see that everyone is fine. And it looks like everyone is well and accounted for, except…

Nightwing!

Where’s Nightwing? They all start to panic (except Batman). Is Nightwing okay? Where did he go? Is he hurt?

And then Nightwing ducks out from under Batman’s cape, with a grin on his face, sunny and cheerful as ever.

“Well it looks like that instinct is fully intact. Explosion? Duck under the cape.”

He laughs at himself and Batman’s face twitches in what his family would read as a smile and most of the JL thinks they’re hallucinating.

“Do you two know each other?” They want to ask. And it’s been long enough that it would probably be awkward to ask. But they’re confused/curious enough that they might ask anyway.

crash

the misinterpretation of a lonely place of dying by later retellings drives me nuts because ‘tim finds out who batman is’ is nearly not as much of a big deal as ‘tim doesnt want to be robin’ in the actual origin and it pretty much sums up whats wrong with modern tim drake. ALPOD is a tragic story of a twelve year old boy who had everything and willingly gave it up for a greater good. he is not like dick and jason who became robin to escape tragedy nor bruce who had everything and then lost it. robin was nothing but a curse he accepted to bear and he did so because of his selflessness. that selflessness is his driving rod, his smarts and physical talent are only the tools he uses to achieve his goals. he is not ‘the smart one’, he is a sacrificial lamb for a cause he became an unwilling spectator of. a twelve year old boy thought ‘people need saving, its that simple’ and put on the clothes a dying kid not much older than him wore because of nothing more than his selflessness and everyone he loved paid the price for it. he paid an even greater price for it.

headcannons

my hc’s for Bruce and his kids’ religions:

Bruce: raised Jewish and participates in Judaism practices but dosent know if he actually believes in it. (Probably does it because his parents did and he misses them)

Dick: his mother was Christian and his father just kinda went along with it. He used to go to church on Christmas and Easter but hasn’t been in years (since his mom died)

Jason: Catholic. His faith was kinda disrupted after he came back to life. I think after awhile he felt comfortable in his religion agin tho.

Cass: an atheist. She wasn’t raised to believe in a god. However I think she likes to participate in all of the traditions her family members practice.

Tim: was ‘raised’ catholic but later realized he was an atheist

Duke: He’s a Christian, not like a hardcore go to church Christian more of a, yeah I believe in god 🤷 not really a big deal

Damian: he’s Muslim and participates in its practices :3

Alfred: he’s an atheist.