Two Straight Guys

Two straight guys

Party had once again turned the night into a movie marathon — “The Princess Bride” was wrapping up on screen for the third time, and the group was in various stages of collapse. Someone was snoring, someone was mumbling nonsense. Eddie was nestled in his favorite spot — head in Steve’s lap, eyes closed, trying his very best to look unconscious.

This was his favorite game for the past three months: Maximum Violation of Steve Harrington’s Personal Space. A stealth mission of love and desperation, really. Scraping together whatever scraps of warmth he could scavenge. All because he fell for the one type of person most incompatible with yearning: a straight guy.

“Jesus,” Eddie thought. “This is so pathetic. Lucky me, Steve’s personal boundaries got obliterated sometime between Robin and babysitting every child in Indiana. Being in love with a straight dude is… it’s a nightmare. A soft, nice-smelling nightmare.”

Steve was gently running his fingers through Eddie’s hair, convinced the guy was fast asleep. Robin was curled up next to him, whispering something with her head on his shoulder.

Steve (whispering, smirking): “Come on, Robin. Three ha-ha’s and that’s it. Eddie’s so straight. I’ve never met anyone so utterly oblivious to flirting. I’d have better luck seducing drywall.”

Robin (eye-roll): “Steve. Please. I read signals. Queers can smell their own. And Eddie? He’s definitely not full-on straight. If straight at all.”

Steve: “Robin. I’ve been flirting with him for three months. We cuddle. I let him touch my hair. God, I don't let anyone touch me except you and sometimes the kids.. I invited him on a date. And do you know what happened? He brought friends. He brought Gareth. Jeff. Two family-sized bags of nachos. TO A DATE, ROBIN.”

Robin: “Just because he doesn’t respond to your flirting doesn’t mean he’s straight. Also, Eddie’s boundaries? Basically nonexistent. I mean, Steve, sometimes I forget you used to be King Steve. But then you say things like this and your ego comes screaming back.”

Steve: “If he wasn’t straight — and didn’t like me — he’d just say it! But he doesn’t! He doesn’t see it! Being in love with a straight dude is… it’s a nightmare.”

Meanwhile, Eddie — very much awake and actively dying inside — kept his eyes shut, clutching onto the last threads of his sanity and telling his heart to chill the hell out.  This was fine. Everything was fine.