LESSGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOO

20.12.24 , Friday

I have my physics exam (pre boards) tomorrow and...

I still have so much of my syllabus left to revise it's like not even funny anymore 🐌

I'm just gonna try my best and do as much as I can with all the time that's left

some exams are testing you as a person more than they are testing you on the subject

I think this is one of them...whew

stuff I'll try to finish up before exams

wave optics - ncert questions

electrostatics complete ncert

current electricity ncert

revise the derivations

(ray optics, current electricity, electrostatics)

try to do as many ray optics questions as possible

watch the nuclei video if time's left

Please wish me luck y'all (keep me in your prayers)!!! 🩷🩷

[please read the previous poems for context ly]

Letters from juliet (IV)

I woke up today and realised

that it isn't about your name not being there on my lips

it's not about the roses not smelling like you

or the coffee not reminding me of us

or me not being afraid of thunder anymore

It's the fact that I wish it wasn't this way

I , deeply, desperately, delusionally wish for -

my lips to be stained by your name

not just roses but every single flower to remind me of you

me to be scared of every thunderstorm

and that is because

a part of me

a stupid godamn part of me

wishes that you'll be there to comfort me

maybe I'm still holding onto that part of me

a poet Ahmad Faraz once said

"ranjish hī sahī dil hī dukhāne ke liye aa

aa phir se mujhe chhoḌ ke jaane ke liye aa"

Just the thought of you coming back generates more happiness than the inherent pain of you walking away

which you will

you always do

with so much ease

it makes me question humanity

Maybe you didn't like me

but just for humanity,

I expected you to turn around

but you didn't

Or maybe you did and I didn't catch you

(Even though I haven't looked away since the first time I saw you)

how is it so easy for you?

how is it so hard for me?

did you ever have tears in your eyes for me?

No

No you didn't

I did

Way too many times

I am drowing in them right now

I don't know why I have them

Maybe I am sad that you have left

maybe I am sad that I didn't leave with you

Maybe I am sad that you left with someone else

Maybe I am worried that this "someone" won't love you as much as I did

Maybe I am worried that this "someone" does love you as much as I did

Maybe I am angry that I made a fool of myself

That I wasted my time on you

maybe that's all you were

a waste of time and energy

maybe that's how I want to remember it

But the stupid part of me won't let that happen

I want to remember you as my first love

As the first person I shared a part of myself with

The first person who made me feel stupid

The person who made me a hopeless romantic

And then left me hopelessly

and now I want to turn into you

I want to pretend to care

I want to pretend to like someone

I don't want to be a hopeless romantic anymore

So that just the way I fixed you

Someone fixes me

I am sure many people want to

Many people are stupid like me

Yk the worst thing about habits?

they take 21 days to form

But won't even go away in 21 years

(I can't confirm it I'm still 16)

"Marne ke baad bhi meri aankhen khuli rhi

Aadat pari thi inhe intezaar ki"

~habits

maybe it's not even the "habit"

maybe it's just the aftertaste of it

maybe the aftertaste is like a scar

which heals over time but still leaves an imprint

"i looked down on my body

only to find myself drowned in those footprints

a sign of visitors"

I have to come to terms with it

That I am here and will always be

But you have walked away

far away

I have to let these scars heal

I have to

I can't let them stay open

they'll catch an infection

maybe I want them to

because that stupid part of me

hopelessly hopes that'll you'll come to treat it

that you'll kiss it better

you won't

someone will

someone will walk in to treat all the wounds they didn't create

someone will walk in to heal something they didn't break

"i saw the tides gently wipe away some of these footprints while leaving the most

only to make space for more visitors to come

the visitors leave , their footprints stay

until another visitor walks over them"

jimin riding the struggle bus all over connecticut feat. jungkook sometimes helping and sometimes not helping

Goddess of Rot

@roach-works // Melissa Broder, "Problem Area" // Mary Oliver, "The Return" // @annavonsyfert // Koyoharu Gotouge, Demon Slayer // Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance // David Levithan, How They Met and Other Stories // Tennessee Williams, Notebooks

Letters from Juliet (III)

I saw you last night at the bar

broad shoulders

scar on right cheek

and signature black hoodie

Rum over beer?

that's too mature for the "you" i knew

I Wanted to ask you so many questions

How was your day?

Your month

Your year

Your girlfriend

just your voice ,

quite enough for me.

brings me back to last winter

sneaking into my room at midnight

Telling me about your day

Hearing about mine.

How the others were having parties

While we layed in bed talking about stellar.

do you still find the moon fascinating?

will you still go to outer space with me?

Are we really not kids anymore?

i am still here with you

Have been for a while.

have you?

this could be our ultimate day

you pained me

ruined me

that's not what I hate you for

i hate you precisely because ,

I love you

doesn't matter what limits you cross

a glimpse of you a day ,

all my worries away.

We're poets aren't we jack?

we romanticise pain and

feel pain in romance

we keep it close to us till mortality hits.

but today was different,

I woke up without your name on my lips

your smell wasn't there in the roses

the coffee didn't remind me of us

Well not us ,

You and I.

the dogs barked today and i didn't flinch

the lightning struck today but my heart remained still

i liked the downpour with a hand on my dog's head

i changed

you did it

and with that

"Me" was "mine"

and not "yours"

-Agrima Nath

I need to find my way back

— Arthur Miller, The Crucible

17.12.2024, Tuesday

I have my physical education exam tomorrow, and cause it's pre boards i actually need to get my shit together.

I'm talking to my friends a lot these days so I get a good dose of serotonin <3

speaking of serotonin, i still need to finish biomechanics lol , here's everything I still need to do

training in sports chapter

biomechanics

psychology and sports

physiology and injuries in sports

test and measurement in sports

revise all the yoga poses (ik it's insane)

solve 2-3 sample papers

I'll go to sleep 3am anyhow , gotta have my brain functional

wish me luck!!!!!!! (Pray for me folks)

22.12.2024 , Sunday

my physics exam didn't go well at all , actually yesterday sucked , the teachers didn't let us leave after our exams and we had to wait a long time, there were other things as well, just a bad day

Well tomorrow is my English exam!! I'm usually very excited for english because it's a relatively easy subject and actually quite interesting

It's just very..very lengthy.. literally.. I'm usually writing until the last second and my hands are cramping

I hope I'm able to manage the time well :))

I have gone over the writing format and I have to read a few chapters

Here's all that I need to do

the rattrap - selma lagerlöf

The interview - Christopher Silvester and Umberto Eco

Indigo - Louis Fischer

Poets and pancakes - asokamittran

Memories of childhood - zitkala-sa , bama

Tiger king - kalki

Journey to the end of the earth - tishani doshi

Aunt Jennifer's tigers - Adrienne rich

whew , I hope tomorrow doesn't suck , I'm able to finish all the questions and they let me leave after the exam!!!!!

Wish me luck!! (pray for me y'all) 🩷🩷🐝