Fuck, I Never Thought About That

Regulus: *sucking on a popsicle* Lily: Pfft, you practicing for when James gets here? Regulus: *takes a huge ass bite out of the popsicle* Lily: *Concern*

Brotherly love.

Doctor: $140,000 a year

Furry artist on Patreon: $160,000 a year

*Dorcas introducing Marlene to the Skittles for the first time*

Dorcas: “This is Regulus. Yes, he does bite. Do not mention James or Sirius around him.”

Dorcas: “This is Evan-and-Barty. Do Not separate them unless you are prepared to face the consequences.”

Dorcas: “And this is Pandora. She can see the future sometimes and has predicted horrible deaths for all of us, but we don’t like to worry about that.”

Dorcas: “What do you think, babe?” :3

Marlene: “… I think I’ve just unknowingly started dating a cult member”

babysitting gone wrong

Platonic MoonWater and Jealous ProngsFoot

Regulus: *went to the Marauders dorm room cuz he's bored and he wants to see James and Sirius but ended up only seeing Remus cuz the others went out so now he's just spending time with his brother's boyfriend*

Remus: *on his bed with Regulus, peacefully reading aloud a muggle book while Regulus is leaning on him cuz muggle literature fascinates him*

James: *enters the room* Hey, we got some- *sees them* What the hell is this?!

Remus: Oh, hey, Prongs, we were just-

Sirius: *coming in* AAAAH! WHAT THE HELL, MOONY?! My own brother?! I feel so betrayed! *faints dramatically*

Regulus: Oh, for fuck's sake.

Sirius: Hey, you watch your mouth. Babies aren't allowed to say that word.

James: Why, Reggie?! Why?! Why would you do this to us?! I thought you loved me!

Remus: Padfoot, Prongs, get a hold of yourselves. You guys are being ridiculous

Sirius: We're being ridiculous?! My brother and my boyfriend are in bed together!

Regulus: He was just reading to me.

James: Oh, the pain and devastation!

Sirius: What does he have that I don't, Moony?

Remus: Silence. What he has that you don't have is that he knows how to be quiet.

Sirius: Well, if that's what you wanted, you know exactly what to do.

James: And I can read to you, Reggie. I'm a much better story teller than that dyslexic moron.

Regulus: He's the top student in your year. Plus, his voice sounds nice. And he's warm to cuddle with. *cuddles up to Remus*

James: *gaasp* Moony, you thief

Remus: *hugs Regulus back* And Regulus is much cuter than you are, Sirius.

Sirius: *literal heartbreak then falls face first onto the floor*

Regulus: *smug* We're gonna get married as soon as I graduate.

Remus: *kisses Regulus' cheek*

Sirius and James: *die*

Peter, watching all of this unfold from the doorway: ...We got you guys some dinner.

romeo romeo

where the fuck is you, romeo

put a blade on the purse and use it to disembowel them, then carry their intestines in your purse a battle trophy!

Yk what's such a strange tag to me

"Lily evans bashing"

Bc why? Like she can be viewed as an antagonist from the pov (for example reg's pov might not like her) but why is there a tag for bashing?? That just seems weird

And with that existing, there's a "no lily evans bashing" tag

And the whole things is ridiculous truly

Isn't it crazy how we can love lily and jegulus and not hate either

We love lily in this house

Sister - @black-brothers-microfic - wc: 526 - Starchaser + Sirius

TW: Walburga's A+ Parenting, TW: Misgendering

James had spent summers at the Potter house, in the raucous warmth of his parents’ love, in a place where laughter carried through the walls and arguments ended in ruffled hair and biscuits shoved into hands. This summer, though, he was spending it at the Black household.

It was Sirius’ idea, because of course it was. Sirius had announced it over breakfast, a reckless glint in his eye, as if daring his mother to object. She had only hummed, seemingly uninterested, which made Sirius all the more suspicious. But when James arrived, he understood why she had allowed it.

She wanted an audience.

“Your sister has no manners, as always,” Walburga commented idly from her place at the head of the dining table, watching as Regulus—her son, her son—sat across from James, stabbing at his food with a fork gripped too tightly.

James felt his stomach turn. His gaze flicked to Sirius, who was gripping his knife as if debating throwing it across the table. Regulus didn’t even flinch. He was used to it, James realized, which made the whole thing worse.

“Regulus,” James said loudly, pointedly, as if to correct Walburga without outright challenging her. “Do you want to come flying with me later?”

Regulus lifted his gaze, something like appreciation flickering in his eyes before it was snuffed out by exhaustion. “Maybe,” he murmured, voice clipped, but James knew him well enough by now to recognize that it wasn’t directed at him.

Walburga didn’t even acknowledge the interaction. She continued as though James hadn’t spoken, turning instead to Sirius. “And you allow her to behave this way, indulging these childish delusions.”

James felt his grip tighten around his fork, but Sirius was faster, standing so abruptly his chair scraped against the floor with a violent screech. “He,” Sirius snarled, leaning over the table, eyes flashing dangerously. “You will address him properly, or you won’t address him at all.”

Regulus, still seated, closed his eyes briefly. He looked so tired. James wanted to reach for his hand, but he knew better than to make it worse by drawing more attention to him.

Walburga merely scoffed, dabbing at her lips with a napkin as if bored. “You always were so dramatic,” she mused. “No wonder you embarrass me.”

James stood then, matching Sirius’ stance, and while he didn’t glare like Sirius did, his voice was firm when he said, “Regulus is brilliant. If anyone should be embarrassed, Mrs. Black, it’s you.”

The air grew tense. For a moment, James swore Walburga would strike him down on the spot, but instead, she exhaled, as if disappointed, before rising from her seat.

“I expected nothing less from a Potter,” she murmured before sweeping out of the room. The silence she left behind felt suffocating.

Sirius collapsed back into his chair with a long sigh, dragging his hands down his face. “Well, that was fun.”

Regulus exhaled sharply, not quite a laugh but something close. When he finally met James’ gaze again, there was a quiet sort of gratitude in his eyes, even as he muttered, “You didn’t have to do that.”

James shrugged. “Yeah, I did.”

Nobody:

Barty and Evan: we put the hot in psychotic