You Know What Would Be An Amazingly Angsty Idea? Byakko Thinking Atsushi Is Unworthy Of Them, But Instead

BSD but Atsushi really IS the agency cat. ( . . . ) Basically he's an actual cat-

When Dazai drifted down the river, he startled a stray cat who looked oddly comfortable in the water compared to most cats, swimming right past him, doing a double take, and instantly swam away from a presumably drifting dead body. Poor thing got the ever loving daylights out of when Dazai, indeed, was alive, and scurried away just before either he or Kunikida could catch it.

After almost running around the entire neighborhood and into the night, they managed to cat the cat in a warehouse, not with cat food or treats, but... tea on rice. The two stare at the cat who was being currently held up by Kunikida.

"Maybe we should call him Chazuke, hm~?" "We aren't naming the cat, we aren't going to get attached to the cat, they're just gonna be "the cat-"" "Hmmm, or would something moon-related work?" "DAZAI-!"

No one had cat allergies, more on the fact that they are major cat lovers, but having such a lovable animal in their office felt like a risk they weren't going to take; with all the various strangers walking in and out their door, sudden attacks from the Port Mafia, the reasons could go on!

So, they held off on taking care of the cat. The only ones that seemed to like him were Kenji who offered the cat vegetables from his arm...

"Here you go, little guy! Is this milk suitable?" "Oh! How about Milk!" "WE ARE STILL NOT NAMING THE CAT-!"

The Tanizaki siblings...

"Huh, seems quite the timid one..." "Awww, such a cute thing!" "Have we figured out what kind of cat it is?" "Well, Kunikida-san said to not get attached, so we haven't really figured out anything about this cat."

Haruno especially...

"Hello there, little one. Hmm, you seem to be younger than Mii-chan... At least more than a year old." "You can really tell, Haruno?" "Several signs, yes. And... they seem to be an Egyptian Mau. A majestic thing you would grow up to be, huh? " "TIGE—" "WE. ARE. NOT. NAMING. IT. TIGER!"

And secretly but unsurprisingly, the President.

"..." "Meorw?" *Takes out a sardine-*

They continued to hold off on taking the cat, calling all sorts of nearby shelters if they have enough room for it. But hearing how they're already filled to brim, if not are being overcrowded, their soft hearts didn't want this cat to be in such an overcrowded area, as timid as it is.

But slowly but surely, they figured out all their little quirks and each having a nickname for him.

Dazai would use the cat as an excuse to hold off on work, having bought cat toys despite Kunikida's arguments, calling them "Chazuke." Kenji would continue to bring a small bottle of fresh milk from his cows and an array of vegetables to see which ones they like the most, calling them "Milk" as one of Dazai's previous name suggestions. The Tanizaki siblings were the ones that made a small temporary area in the office for the cat, buying it it's necessary items and called them "Tiger." Haruno, on the other hand, would bring the cat back to her apartment for nights, seeing as none of the agents and detectives had the room for them. There, she introduces the cat whom she oddly named "Byakko" to Mii-chan, and all but took several photos on her phone of the older calico cat grooming the smaller.

Unfortunately, that domestic feeling all but vanished when the cat wandered too far into dangerous territory; their work.

The cat had unknowingly followed the Tanizaki siblings who ran into Akutagawa, the Port Mafia's Rabid Dog, after the woman that came to their office was revealed to be Higuchi, Akutagawa's subordinate and also a part of the mafia. The cat, clueless, hissed and yowled while standing in front of the siblings, yellow eyes glaring at the two mafiosi. The sight rendered Higuchi stiffling back a coo while Akutagawa just... stared in utter confusion. (And it didn't help that he was also a cat person at heart).

In the end, they were saved by Dazai regardless, but the cat seemed to glare daggers at anyone that wore black. And Dazai all but laughs at that, remarking...

"For such a timid and small cat, you were a pretty brave one , hmm? Going right up to those two and showing your mighty fangs!"

They were, of course, worried about their agents, but more to the cat who seemed to have gone quiet, not at all looking up at the sound of them shaking their toys or the clink of their refilled bowl of food. They just sat, curled up in their cat bed, back turned towards them.

Then suddenly, they vanished.

The agency, of course, went out looking for the cat, but nothing came up. For some, a relief. Maybe they had wandered off and found a better place to live. A safer place to live. But at the same time, the absence made itself loudly known, even though it was silent. The absence on the cat bed, the absence on their desks, the window sills, everywhere in the office.

"Alright, admit it." "Admit what?" "That you guys actually like that cat."

Until, all of a sudden, as Yosano dealt with Kajii on the train, she catches sight of the familiar girl in a red kimono down they walked past in the shopping district sitting at the banks of the water, a small wet ball of fur curled up tightly in her arms.

"Chazuke!" "Milk!" "Tiger!" "Byakko!" "...Did you—" "Yeah, we need to figure out a name for him now-"

Unfortunately that has to wait because even more chaos rolls into Yokohama. But besides the back-to-back fiascos between the Guild and the mysterious fog incident, were they able to breath easily, giving them ample time to have their feline friend comfortable.

Although, it was odd. The cat was seemingly the subject the Guild were after, and they had also vanished during the fog incident but was apparently there in the end fight.

"No cat should be that close to the battle. Where was he before all that happened?" "Who knows. And besides the point, no one was there in the fog besides us. Is it possible for a cat to be stuck in the fog with us?" "Are you saying the cat has an Ability???"

It was a stretch, for sure. A cat to have an Ability? If that were to be true, their knowledge of Abilities have either been wrong or how they appear has changed. Innocently but could be heard as jokingly, Kenji was the one that said something along the lines about the cat actually being human and has an entirely different Ability but got stuck as a cut. It's happened before, people having transformative Abilities.

It was supposed to be a joke, they all knew, but all of a sudden Ranpo shoots up, eyes wide.

"That's why!" "The cat stumped you?!" "Dazai, touch it!" "If you say so-"

The moment Dazai put his hand on the cat's head, a bright flash appeared and everyone stared in shock to see a young man that looked to either be in his late teens or early adulthood sitting on the ground, wearing ragged clothes, asymmetrically cut platinum blonde hair with a single stripe of white, and sheepish ametrine yellow-purple eyes.

They stared at the individual all until Dazai pulled his hand back, reverting them back to being a cat. It goes back and forth until the person, seemingly tired of the sudden shifting, grabbed Dazai's wrist when he placed it back on their head again, face entirely red to his ears.

"P-Please stop doing that." "Not unless you tell us your name~" "...Nakajima Atsushi..."

(A/N: cat cat cat cat- but besides the point, this went a completely random direction than it was supposed to be. It was just something of Atsushi being the office cat, whether or not they knew he was human or not. But then I thought about Dead Apple, blah blah blah, this has been in my drafts for a while- ANYWAYS HOPED YOU LIKED THIS RANDOM BIT-)

did i ever tell yall about my au where teen!kunikida meets and somehow takes in atsushi

and like theyre a struggling living by the paycheck duo with kunikida rushing through school to get a better job

and one day he comes home to his shitty apartment where he expects atsushi to be alone studying

and inside is a drowned cat of a man, eating a sandwich

and kunikida is flabbergasted, grabbing the first thing he can touch as a weapon and dazai is just eating his sandwich, blinking at him

and atsushi comes bouncing in like 'kunikida-san! i made a friend!'

and kunikida's like 'atsushi u cant just bring home random ppl'

and atsushi's like 'but he likes sandwiches :('

and thats how kunikida atsushi and dazai become a family

Dead apple but everyone is still in their pajamas

I think it would be funny if everyone collectively just didnt care to change in to their work clothes for the plot of dead apple cause imagine Chuuya fighting that big ass dragon still in his dog themed pajama pants 🐶

i think atsushi is nonbinary. for no reason other than the fact that i think its funny the tiger boy with yellow-purple eyes is nonbinary.

Chuuatsu

Atsushi talking about how adorable his partner is. While said partner is covered in blood and tearing apart the enemy who are running off in fear.

And failing.

Chuuya stopping beside him and Atsushi wiping off the blood of his face so he can give him a lil kiss.

wondering if the reason chuuya didn't get a pupil after getting promoted to executive (like dazai did with akutagawa) was so the person wouldn't die like everyone else that gets involved with him :3c

anyway!! atsushi transferred to the PM and trained by chuuya arc when

chuu: so there's a beast inside me and- sushi: yea, happens to me every week

Akutagawa having to watch Atsushi get struck down, not only after coming back to life and finally getting his memories back, but after months of fighting against and alongside Atsushi and coming to see him as near indestructible and someone who bounces back as “an even more problematic foe” only for Atsushi to sacrifice himself and take for all Akutagawa knows is a permanent killing blow

☾Atsushi Headcanons!☽

TW FOR EATING DISORDERS, MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION, SELF LOATHING, SWEARING, VOMIT, MALNUTRITION, MENTIONS OF TERRORISM, SU!C!D3(Dazais song), UNSAFE BINDING, PANIC ATTACKS, DEATH, ABUSE, CHILD DEATH, RELIGIOUS TRAUMA, ACCIDENTAL CANNIBALISM,

•He is trans masc(Hasn’t gotten top/bottom surgery yet) He uses He/They Pronouns

•He is a Polyamorous Demisexual Pansexual

•He has a whole slew of mental and physical disorders, he found out because Kunikida took him to get tested for autism

•Disorders he has: PTSD, OCD, ADHD, ADD, Autism, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, 3 Eating Disorders, Psychosis, Malnutrition, Schizophrenia, Borderline Personality Disorder, Tics and Tourette’s, restless leg syndrome, echolalia, and Cervical Dystonia

•After hearing this he just looked at Kunikida and asked, “Why am I collecting them?”

•He is a really good singer, he used to sing to younger kids at the orphanage who couldn’t sleep or were just having a bad day, it was the one thing he couldn’t hate about himself

•Once Kunikida learned Atsushi had never had a good father figure he started subconsciously acting like one towards him, checking in on him, teaching him things, defending him, buying him things, taking time out of his schedule to make sure he’s alright, driving him places etc

•Atsushi has and will eat small animals if given the chance

•He really likes Tangled because he finds Rapunzels story relatable, and because he likes chameleons

•He is a really good artist, he used to draw whenever he could in the orphanage

•Some of Atsushis Tics are: “We’ve been accused of Terroism!”, “Meow Meow!”, “Beep”, “Fuck you”, “Buzz Buzz”

•He has echolalia, and repeats a lot of things, such as: Dazais Su!c!d3 song, “Super Mystery Solver!” And “Rashomon!”

•Byakko is sentient and says the weirdest things, ex: “You should eat your ginger friend”

•Atsushi has a reflex similar to a cat where he will slap someone if they surprise him, leading to him accidentally bitch slapping Dazai

•Atsushi has VERY strong teeth, one time Ranpo brought jawbreakers to work and gave Atsushi one, Ranpo then started talking to Yosano when they heard a loud *CRACK*, and just see Atsushi chewing on a jawbreaker as if it was taffy. Everyone just stared and Atsushi was confused. (Kunikida panicked)

•After he ate all that Chazuke in the first episode, he actually ended up vomiting because his stomach wasn’t used to that much to eat

•He used to bind with bandages, But when Kunikida found out, he taught him how to properly bind

•He chews on everything he can, strings, yarn, rubber, electrical cords, you name it. Atsushi is basically a cat in that sense, Kunikida has bought him teething toys for this

•Tanizaki and Atsushi are best friends, Tanizaki knows the most about what happened to Atsushi at the orphanage, and Atsushi knows the most about his insecurities

•One time Atsushi was falling asleep on the agency’s couch and nobody had the heart to wake him up, eventually he had to. So Kunikida shook him awake, and in a soft tone said, “Cmon kid, you need to get up.” Atsushi mumbled and replied, “Just five more minutes dad….” Needless to say Atsushi got a lot more than five minutes, and if Kunikida cried, nobody said anything

•One time Kunikida arrived at the agency(He’s usually the first one there, only to find Atsushi there already started on work) Kunikida was very proud of him and pat his head

•Yosano made it her goal to get Atsushi to stop apologizing for everything, every time he does, she will stare at him until he takes it back

•Kunikida teaches Atsushi math whenever they have time

•Atsushi can only get drunk/high if something has catnip in it

•One time Atsushi broke a glass object at Kunikidas house, and in a panic attempted to clean it up with his bare hands, Kunikida comforted him and made sure he was alright

•Sometimes if someone praises him or pats him he will purr

•When he gets over emotional sometimes his ears and tail will pop out

•Atsushi stress bakes

•He’s not that good of a swimmer(Never got proper lessons)

•He tends to cover his ears whenever things get loud

•He enjoys sitting in sunspots

•He could decimate anyone with insults, you insult someone he loves? He will absolutely DESTROY you

•Atsushis favorite number is the date he met Kunikida and Dazai

•Despite not liking physical touch he is a clingy drunk

•He doesn’t have a lot of pop culture knowledge, so Dazai set up annual movie nights to teach him



•He has freckles

•Gets super bad nightmares

•He has really sharp teeth

•He has HORRENDOUS spice tolerance

•He’s never had “The Talk”

•He will sit in a box if given the chance

•Just like how a cat slow blinks at people it trusts, so does Atsushi

•He does the making biscuit thing that cats do

•One time the ADA found Atsushi curled up in a cabinet

•If Atsushi ever learned how to drive he would have EXTREME road rage

•He’s never been on a plane

•Naomi, Tanizaki, Atsushi, and Haruno get together every Wednesday after work, and just mess around, it’s a double date of sorts (Haruno and Naomi are dating) and Tanizaki and Atsushi are pining for one another

•He has a quiet sneeze, because people at the orphanage would get mad if he was loud

•He likes sitting out in the rain, Kunikida scolds him for tracking in water, and raising the chance of him getting a cold

•He is oblivious to flirting, you have to be VERY forward to get him to notice, and when he does he turns into a flustered mess

•At the orphanage he would take on a parental/Big Brother role for the younger kids

•He figured out he was trans when he was 13, after an older kid told him about it

•He’s not that good of a cook, he can make the basics but other than that he’ll get lost

•He’s not very good at fashion

•He had two close friends at the orphanage, Roberto(I named him after the bird from Rio 2) and Yūki

•One day during a cold winter, Yūki was punished for accidentally breaking a vase, she was thrown outside in the cold with nothing but an old cloak. The next morning Atsushi and Roberto ran outside to look for her, they saw something In the snow, and when they got closer they realized it was Yūkis dead body, she had died of hypothermia

•Roberto faked his death and ran away after this, leaving Atsushi all alone. I like to believe he ended up somewhere in Yokohama

•Atsushi loves strawberries, the first time he tried them he couldn’t help but just scarf them all down

•He can eat raw meat

•He has religious trauma, everyday at the orphanage he would pray that he would become someone worthy of life

•After Shibusawas murder, the headmaster fed Atsushi bits of his body. Atsushi was confused at the fact he was given more to eat and more often. He thought that he finally earned his right to live. He is completely unaware that he did this

•Everyone at the agency takes turns teaching Atsushi different things

•He wants to learn how to play the flute

•He can’t whistle

•He can see in the dark

•He likes to draw on his skin

•He hates the way his eyes look

•He has a cat-like tongue

•He can understand cats

fem beast atsushi who else cheered 🥳