TW: Loneliness And Depression

TW: loneliness and depression

it's easy to tell myself sometimes that im alright being on my own..but when the people who you would lay down your life for say that they have more important things going on in their life than you, it stings. i haven't seen my closest friends in months, and when i was finally looking forward to that, they cancel, and profusely apologise.

i can't even say that im mad because ive grown far too much to hate and grudge for life to occur to someone, but i wish i could say that people i miss, do infact miss me to. i fear that no one really misses me at all, and it'll be alright for them to ghost me for some more months, as they have done.

i worry that my love has faltered in appearing back to me, and perhaps that is all my fault. i guess i am lonely, and tied down to the walls of a home that offers me only contempt and control disguised as care and catharsis. my friends don't feel mine anymore, and i suppose that feeling this lonely might just be my new constant.

loneliness physically aches me, and i physically ache with moments of hope, fading with each second that another person tells me they'd rather be somewhere else than ask me how i was. i feel selfish, but still so deeply, utterly, lonely.