Whoever Said Your 20's Is For Re-discovering Your Middle School Obsessions Was So Right. All My Songwriting

:)))

ik i don’t like as gothic as usual but i’m trying my best :>

I'm in love with a person who doesn't exist

short story by navalon.

I am in love with a person who doesn’t exist. 

I fall for you over and over in everyone I meet. A constant search for you. If they hurt me it’s okay, it’s for you. 

I’m never alone. You are the smell of my bedsheets. You’re the low rumble of the air conditioner that sings me to sleep. You color the world blue after sunset and wrap me in the fog as an embrace. You’re the blanket I kicked off in my sleep, and the goosebumps on my skin without it.

I’ll fall for you in a person again soon.

I’ll break my own heart again soon.

I’ll never escape you. You’re everywhere, whispering in my ear to fall in love again. To have a medium, a person, a vessel, to give all of this to. I bleed you and breathe you. It’s for you. There is so much love in me I have to give it away,

or else i don’t exist.

Without you the cold floor is just wood and everything I’ve gone through was for nothing. Who am I without the reassurance you’re proud? Who am I if not enough? 

who are you?

You are someone new every few months, but always the same. You’re among the dust on my dresser, giving me an excuse not to touch it. Whoever I’m in love with will always stay the sidewalk covered in slush the day after a storm. I’ll tell my friends not to splash me on the way to school, and they’ll cover me in you with a smile.

i am not waterproof.

No matter how hard I scrub there is no use. I’ve absorbed you. You’ve absorbed me. Consume me already. Eat me whole! All I’ve ever done was for you. Am I good? Am I worth your time? Don’t leave me. Do not leave me? 

I’ll write your name until my fingers bruise and I’ll scream it ‘till my voice gives out. Then I’ll whisper bird noises to the ones who understand. I’d do anything, for I am you. You’ll visit me in dreams and the dorm dryers. Tell me not to give up. Face me.

tell me to give up.

tell me it will all be over soon.

tell me this cycle ends.

I feel you when I dig my nails into the palm of my hand. The marks spell your name. The scars spell mine. Touch me again, this time not through the stove top. Let me feel you without a knife, let me see you with sober eyes.

let us kiss without bruises.

hug me with no bullets.

Exist.

I need you to exist.

i miss my dog so much

Step 2: Don’t try to comprehend things you don’t want to know. / part 2 of a series [part 1] - [part 3] - [part 4]

"Nature does not make mistakes. Right and wrong are human categories."

-Frank Herbert, Dune