I'm In Love With A Person Who Doesn't Exist

I'm in love with a person who doesn't exist

short story by navalon.

I am in love with a person who doesn’t exist.

I fall for you over and over in everyone I meet. A constant search for you. If they hurt me it’s okay, it’s for you.

I’m never alone. You are the smell of my bedsheets. You’re the low rumble of the air conditioner that sings me to sleep. You color the world blue after sunset and wrap me in the fog as an embrace. You’re the blanket I kicked off in my sleep, and the goosebumps on my skin without it.

I’ll fall for you in a person again soon.

I’ll break my own heart again soon.

I’ll never escape you. You’re everywhere, whispering in my ear to fall in love again. To have a medium, a person, a vessel, to give all of this to. I bleed you and breathe you. It’s for you. There is so much love in me I have to give it away,

or else i don’t exist.

Without you the cold floor is just wood and everything I’ve gone through was for nothing. Who am I without the reassurance you’re proud? Who am I if not enough?

who are you?

You are someone new every few months, but always the same. You’re among the dust on my dresser, giving me an excuse not to touch it. Whoever I’m in love with will always stay the sidewalk covered in slush the day after a storm. I’ll tell my friends not to splash me on the way to school, and they’ll cover me in you with a smile.

i am not waterproof.

No matter how hard I scrub there is no use. I’ve absorbed you. You’ve absorbed me. Consume me already. Eat me whole! All I’ve ever done was for you. Am I good? Am I worth your time? Don’t leave me. Do not leave me?

I’ll write your name until my fingers bruise and I’ll scream it ‘till my voice gives out. Then I’ll whisper bird noises to the ones who understand. I’d do anything, for I am you. You’ll visit me in dreams and the dorm dryers. Tell me not to give up. Face me.

tell me to give up.

tell me it will all be over soon.

tell me this cycle ends.

I feel you when I dig my nails into the palm of my hand. The marks spell your name. The scars spell mine. Touch me again, this time not through the stove top. Let me feel you without a knife, let me see you with sober eyes.

let us kiss without bruises.

hug me with no bullets.

Exist.

I need you to exist.

northern lights

my dog died last night. his pawprints are all still in the snow all over the house. the treats we had been trying to get him to eat are everywhere. his bed is still by the fire. his favorite toy is with him, they said that they would cremate it with him. i have a matching smaller version that is on my keys.

his fur is on my jacket from last night, that is now drenched in years. i got home and collapsed and held my jacket like i had held him.

tonight is new years eve. anchorage, alaska. i hear people partying in a house down the mountain. our neighbors set off fireworks. the sky is the same shade of green as his favorite jacket. i sat outside in the 12 degree air and let it wrap me like a blanket. i told the northern lights that i love him. that i miss him.

my toes are numb and my ears burn and all i want is to have him back. he would lay out where i was standing all the time, not wanting to come in even when it was cold. i wanted to feel how he felt.

the sky is getting greener with different waves near the mountain top and getting wider in the middle of the sky. brief flashes of fireworks interrupt in the corner. even though there are no streetlights, it never really gets dark super dark here.

i'm staring at his pawprints in the yard again. i remember when we first got him. my mom walked him to our middle school to pick us up as a suprise. he had 4 owners before he landed with us. how could someone not want the most perfect dog. i would do anything to have him back.

i loved him so much. i still love him. there's waves of comfort and waves of grief and all i know is that it hurts. i don't know where to put the love.

List of Alt/Goth CC Creators!

Sul Sul! I always noticed that a lot of people struggle finding gothic and/or alternative cc for their sims, so I have decided to compile a list of all the creators I know. I will update this list whenever I find more. Also a reminder that cc shopping for alt clothes is a lot like thrifting in real life too!

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navalonmusic

6 months ago