Puchimaru Kiwi

i don’t usually have any strong feelings about reboots of the things i grew up with as a kid but that being said i honestly believe that the beanie baby redesigns are proof that we’re living in the worst timeline

rly need a hug rn :(

ik i don’t like as gothic as usual but i’m trying my best :>

https://twitter.com/inutte_iina/status/1476912021920976899

Dive into the general aesthetic of 'Before You Were Sorry'

Hey! I wanted a space to rant a bit about the imagery of the song and why it was chosen. 

So the lyrics were originally written not to be final, the only lyrics we kept were "I forgave you before you were sorry" and "I don't care how it hurts". The original lyrics were okay, but not great, the point of them was honestly a vent song, just to get the feelings onto paper so they don't drive me crazy by sitting in my head. (Always have to get them out before they evolve into something else).

But anyway...

I found this painting at goodwill (the one featured on the album art) and it inspired a deep dive into swans, swan dives, devotion, unwavering loyalty for better and especially for worse, etc. I discovered 'morute' and 'gloomy coquette' (I'm chronically on pinterest i know) and loved that imagery for the song. We were going to make a music video (and still are going to but we had to delay it) and agreed upon this theme. 

We loved this theme because it combines friendly, romantic, cute, etc, overtones with a dark undertone. 

For example "Swan Dive" was chosen because swans are symbols of love and generally light imagery, but a Swan Dive is something dark coming out of it. Same thing goes for "Black Cherry lungs" because "Cherry" is a cutesy word, but it is actually meant to represent a vape flavor and smoke which is considered 'darker' imagery in a way. 

The song is basically an internal monologue of attempting to romanticize a toxic situation in order to stay due to fear of losing the person, with moments of extreme clarity, such as the chorus, and then the ultimate realization that even if you know things are awful, you're still going to stay ("I don't care how it hurts" ending the song was meant to drive that point home).

Anyway! This lowkey backtracks the whole point made with our first song released 'Who Are You/' which the point of that is leaving a bad situation, and we still stand by that message, you are so worthy of amazing things and deserve to be treated as so :). This song can almost be seen as the thought process before 'Who Are You?'.

"spam liking will get you blocked" spam liking will get you a kiss on the mouth

I'm in love with a person who doesn't exist

short story by navalon.

I am in love with a person who doesn’t exist. 

I fall for you over and over in everyone I meet. A constant search for you. If they hurt me it’s okay, it’s for you. 

I’m never alone. You are the smell of my bedsheets. You’re the low rumble of the air conditioner that sings me to sleep. You color the world blue after sunset and wrap me in the fog as an embrace. You’re the blanket I kicked off in my sleep, and the goosebumps on my skin without it.

I’ll fall for you in a person again soon.

I’ll break my own heart again soon.

I’ll never escape you. You’re everywhere, whispering in my ear to fall in love again. To have a medium, a person, a vessel, to give all of this to. I bleed you and breathe you. It’s for you. There is so much love in me I have to give it away,

or else i don’t exist.

Without you the cold floor is just wood and everything I’ve gone through was for nothing. Who am I without the reassurance you’re proud? Who am I if not enough? 

who are you?

You are someone new every few months, but always the same. You’re among the dust on my dresser, giving me an excuse not to touch it. Whoever I’m in love with will always stay the sidewalk covered in slush the day after a storm. I’ll tell my friends not to splash me on the way to school, and they’ll cover me in you with a smile.

i am not waterproof.

No matter how hard I scrub there is no use. I’ve absorbed you. You’ve absorbed me. Consume me already. Eat me whole! All I’ve ever done was for you. Am I good? Am I worth your time? Don’t leave me. Do not leave me? 

I’ll write your name until my fingers bruise and I’ll scream it ‘till my voice gives out. Then I’ll whisper bird noises to the ones who understand. I’d do anything, for I am you. You’ll visit me in dreams and the dorm dryers. Tell me not to give up. Face me.

tell me to give up.

tell me it will all be over soon.

tell me this cycle ends.

I feel you when I dig my nails into the palm of my hand. The marks spell your name. The scars spell mine. Touch me again, this time not through the stove top. Let me feel you without a knife, let me see you with sober eyes.

let us kiss without bruises.

hug me with no bullets.

Exist.

I need you to exist.