The Onion’s Journalism Is The Only Journalism That Matters. Holy Fuck.

my kind of woman…

synopsis. you see a different side of gojo no one else has seen before

characters/pairings. highschool satoru gojo x highschool fem! reader

genre. fluffy fluff, angst

tw. none

a/n. this was actually supposed to be a whole diff concept but i accidentally shifted the story entirely 🧍🏻‍♀️/ inspired by mac demarco’s “my kind of woman” <33

satoru gojo.

who is gojo satoru? well it’s simple. gojo is your classmate at jujutsu tech. he is the strongest sorcerer in jujutsu history, baring the six eyes and limitless technique.

he is known as the mortal god amongst the jujutsu world. a man who is capable of wiping out the entire country, world even.

of course you knew that, it’s an obvious answer. but for some reason, there’s a feeling about him that’s lingered in the back of your mind.

you’ve been at jujutsu tech for awhile now. a second year along gojo, geto and shoko. you’ve gotten along with all of them surprisingly smooth. it shocked them how fast you adapted to gojos annoying quirky personality. he’s not the first rodeo you’ve dealt with.

but as time passed and you spend more and more time around gojo, you’ve noticed something about him.

currently, you and gojo had went out for some kikufuku after your mission. geto and shoko declined, saying they were exhausted. but you accepted cause…why not???

there wasn’t a clear answer but because of the people similar to gojos outgoing personality in your past, you immediately felt drawn to him. a nostalgic magnetic feeling that’s oddly comfortable??

if you said that out loud, everyone would definitely look at you like some kind of deformed curse.

after you both got your kikufuku, gojo suggested going back to the school.

you both arrived and he just plopped himself down the steps in front of the building that is the entrance for the dorms.

you crouched down next to him and plopped down as well — not as rough as him in an attempt to not ruin your uniform.

it was an odd moment of silence. he wasn’t speaking at all. the sounds of the night filling your ears instead of whatever annoying ramble he’d normally be going on about.

you don’t question it and continue to snack on your kikufuku. after a few minutes you get worried and turn to glance at him.

he wasn’t eating his kikufuku. he was just staring up at the star-littered sky with his forearms on his knees.

you try to take a better glance at him. but when you do, it’s nothing you would’ve expected.

his bright blue eyes are empty and vacant, with little to no emotion at all. suddenly a wave of sadness travels through your body.

he looks so…sad

satoru gojo…sad???

the worlds strongest sorcerer, sad??

you are hit with a hard realization. like you’ve seen his person for the first time. you turn to look at the ground and think about it more.

no, not satoru gojo.

you see satoru.

satoru. a boy, who is a human just as you are. an awkward teenage boy who is pervert like all teenage boys, who laughs, who has interests and tastes, who has thoughts. a human being, equal as you are.

the realization sets in and you feel like you’ve been introduced to a whole new world.

that realization shifts into sadness. you feel sadness for this poor boy who society has deemed into a god with no feelings to control. this poor boy didn’t ask for these powers.

you feel a stare on you as your mind in drowned in thoughts. then you feel a small poke on your shoulder.

you turn to see gojo staring at you with his eyebrows furrowed and a confused expression. you slowly bring your hand to touch his, testing if he has his infinity off.

“hm…y/n?” he questions. his calm expression soon turns into shock.

you turn your body to him entirely, sitting on your knees. you wrap your arms around his shoulders and hug him as tightly and lovingly as you can.

you nuzzle your cheek in his soft messy hair and whisper, “I’m sorry…”

you felt his body shiver and tense as soon as you said that. he gulps, loud enough for you to hear it.

he slowly and hesitantly wraps his arms around your waist. hands on your hips, slowly traveling and resting on the middle of your back.

he feels so warm in contrast to the chilly night air. you can feel him squeezing you a little tighter. he leans his head against yours before gently letting you go. you let go and rest your palms on your knees.

“uh so…what was that for huh?” he says in a gentle voice you’ve never heard before.

“…mm…just felt like it,” you answer with a smile while shifting your legs back to the ground.

he huffs out a sarcastic giggle.

“you weirdo…”

you smile as well, unaware of the blushy thoughts flying across his mind.

little did you know. that moment marked the day he would start to fall completely and utterly in love with you.

Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

i’m sat

general relativity for babies

ੈ♡˳·˖✶ — GOJO X FEM READER

You expected working at a convenience store during the twilight hours just to make enough to cover rent to be boring. After all, you took the job for the cash, not for a love of faking smiles for strangers who don’t care. The appearance of a stranger who seems to have a lot to hide is tantalizing bait to your boredom, but you can’t give in. That is, if you have a choice at all. 

wc — 3k

cw — mafia au but not really, implied but never addressed, is he or isn’t he, Gojo is Weird, blood, guns, this is not meant to be a serious gorey fic, its just a fun little way for me to branch out and stretch those writing muscles 

They don’t pay you enough to keep guns under the counters, but it’s cheaper to teach you to shoot then it is to pay for security cameras. It would be cheaper not to show you to protect yourself at all, actually, but you’re the sixth cashier they’ve burned through in as many weeks. Even in a town as down as this one is, rumors spread fast. 

The wages are shit, but it’s all you’ve got, and college is expensive for a degree as useless as yours is. Four months away from becoming a junior, and you’ve only held unpaid internships and this position as a cashier at a dirty, old convenience store on the wrong side of the train tracks. 

You think the owner is hiding something, or maybe that’s just wishful thinking for a job as boring as this one. People come and go, make rude comments, pick up beer and slide you IDs you weren’t trained to check. It’s quiet enough to convince you to let down your guard, then your fingers brush the cold metal underneath the register and you remember the long line of unnamed, unknown girls who came before you. 

Keep reading

“Put him on his knees give him something to believe in” has the exact same energy and depth of meaning as anything Hozier puts out on the regular but since it’s sung by Megan Thee Stallion no one takes it seriously. In this essay I will-

"Haha, of course there's a teacher shortage, they're all learning their worth and quitting! Good for them!"

A quick Google search for "teacher covid deaths" turns up pages and pages and pages of articles about dead teachers.

They're not quitting. They're dying.

miya atsumu x gn!reader, suggestive

“what are ya thinkin’ about?”

“how soft your hair is,” you hum back in reply, carding your fingers through your lover’s hair. atsumu, fresh out of the shower and smelling of peaches, freezes in his spot between your legs — obviously guilty.

“ya like my hair?” he asks.

you ignore him.

“have you been using my conditioner, ‘tsumu?”

“…what’s mine is mine, and what’s yers is mine, babe.”

you suppress a laugh. “who said that?”

“it’s in our wedding vows.”

“we’re not married!”

atsumu turns, his arms finding their usual place around your waist while a familiar lazy grin pulls at his lips. “not married—yet.”

“silly goose.” you bring your hand up to flick at his forehead gently, suppressing yet another chuckle at how your lover scrunches up his handsome face. then you kiss away the crease between his brows, peck the tip of his nose, and finally press a big noisy smack to his lips — complete with an exaggerated “mwah!” that makes him giggle boyishly.

“what are you thinking about, then?” you ask when you pull back.

“hmmm.” a tiny pout pulls at his lips. you see the mischievous glint in his eyes — he’s pretending to think. “i’m thinkin’ ‘bout yer tits in my mouth.”

“miya atsumu!”

“oh, uh, please? yer tits in my mouth… please?”

“you’re terrible.”

“that wasn’t a no.”

you feel atsumu’s arms tighten around your middle, shoulders flexing under his thin cotton shirt, and your breath hitches when his thumbs slip under the hem your shirt to rub at the sensitive skin of your waist.

“…no, it wasn’t.”

11. A ladybug is too small to operate a forklift.