It's Just A Troll But They Got The Outrage They Were Fishing For From Me At Least 🤯🤬

Do you think madara can read people well or not ?

Sorry I took FOREVER to answer my Madara asks, but here I am!

I think Madara can read people EXTREMELY well. Frighteningly so. Not only was he observant (I think he was implied to be moreso than even the typical shinobi of his era), he was very attuned to people's emotions. Combined with the Sharingan's ability to see chakra, Madara was incredibly adept at reading others, both in battle and as...people. However, his ability to see/understand how people were feeling and/or their motivations did not always translate into social aptitude. Seriously, that was among his greatest failings, his inability to win people to his side despite how perceptive he was.

Thank you for the ask!

Me, except the only Uchiha dick I want is Madara's. I'll take his clones'. Look at his pose. And his expression. What a boss 🥵

screaming crying throwing up ripping my hair out sliding down the wall jumping off a bridge throwing myself off a building -

art by mitendakara on twitter

Being a girl is: wanting to go to bed early but deciding to just get on tumblr/wattpad/Ao3 for a little bit and then end up finding a fic series that you really like and read until well past your usual bedtime then keeping on because it’s already past your bedtime. Then being mad when you wake up in the morning because you overslept your timer.

Alucard-themed Valentine's Day cards made by actual trash.

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers ♡♡♡

Thank you for the ask, @fennign! If you want to do the same: @ajstudio, @semenbetweenthetits, @7venz, @intelligentinsomniac, @forbiddenfascinations, @ostentatiouslyonigiri, @the--mother--ship, @adarkbeauty666, @artsy-jandi

5 things that make me happy:

My 3D hubby who seems to know me better than I know myself. He is proof every day that actions are more meaningful than words and shows the world beyond any doubt that I am cherished, respected, and loved so deeply

A good shift at work

An excellent scotch

Enough free time for myself, whether that is for simple self-care or to sit on my butt and do nothing at all

Comments on my writing. While I know that no one who reads my stuff owes me a comment and they have their own reasons for not engaging, I think most authors would agree that a nice comment is never unwelcome. They are so motivating, they often send me right back to the laptop to write some more!

Twin Flames- Chapter 3

“You can build another home with me.”

“Sugar daddy” Madara x Nurse!Reader

I heard people enjoy Izuna. Please have some more of him 💕. They were supposed to meet anyways. Happy early birthday Izuna! @margretesonigiri

On AO3

Warnings: romance, flirting, teasing, bratty brother Words: 3905

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“Izuna. You will be tactful tonight. You will not torment Y/N.” A deep voice sounded through the room, commanding the other man.

The younger brother almost busted out in laughter. “Yes, yes. I’ll behave myself. Wouldn’t want to embarrass you in front of your sweetheart,” he snickered cheekily.

“Your opinions are valued when kept to yourself. No one cares for them.” Madara glared disapprovingly at his younger brother. He wondered if it was worth bringing Izuna. “You are only here because Y/N wanted to see you.”

“Aw she cares about me more than your disdain for my presence! You should be careful. Maybe she’ll fall for my good looks when she sees it next to your sour puss! That must be why you didn’t want me here.” He lay fresh slices of a white fish in neat rows on a plate.

A knife chopped hard into the cutting board. You had suggested hot pot for tonight’s dinner, a traditional Japanese winter food, then stated it’s too much for only two people, so more should be invited, people like Izuna. You were excited to see his how his brother was doing.

“You can be at ease niisan. I won’t harass Y/N, she helped save me after all,” Izuna started sweetly. “You on the other hand…” Fair game.

You’d offered to arrive early to assist with the food preparation, but Madara declined, stating they were the hosts and it was okay for you to come closer to meal time. He needed to talk sense into his little brother first.

Madara glowered at Izuna. “Hn. I can handle myself. You should worry about humiliating yourself.”

The bell chimed and Madara went to answer it, his scowl dropping upon seeing you, replaced by a small tilt of the lips. “Y/N,” he nodded, “Come on in.” He moved to help you with your heavy winter coat.

“Madara! Hi! It smells heavenly in here. What are you preparing? By the way, I brought the whiskey you like.” You handed the loot to him and craned your neck to give him a peck to the lips after he turned back to you. Madara blinked. “Is Izuna already here?”

“Good evening Y/N. We’re just about finished getting everything ready.” Izuna appeared from the other side of the foyer, a knowing look on his face as he wiped his hands on the front of an apron.

“Izuna! It’s great to see you again! I’m so happy you’re well.” You smiled at Izuna, holding out your hand to him in greeting.

“The pleasure is all mine. Thank you for your care back then. I’m glad to be able to see you again too.” Izuna took your hand, but then pulled you towards him in a hug, his gaze soft. I hope this works out between you and niisan. He saw the changes in his brother over the past months since being with you. He suspected even others who weren’t as familiar with Madara as he was could see as well. Calmer, more willing to talk, happy. Your presence in Madara’s life was a soothing balm to him. “He talks about you all the time.”

You straightened, not expecting such a warm welcome, then relaxed and returned Izuna’s embrace. You were conscious of already feeling relaxed around Izuna, a stark difference from the nervous wreck you were on that first date with Madara months ago. “I hope those are only good things he says.”

“Only compliments, Y/N.” Izuna gave you a wink.

Madara led you and Izuna back to the kitchen, his hand unconsciously on the small of your back as if you didn’t know where the kitchen was. “Have a look. I think you’ll enjoy the menu tonight,” Madara said to you.

A stove was built into the dining table, the large pot on top already simmering. You spotted carrots, mushrooms, and tofu poking through the broth surface. The table was covered in plates of thinly sliced meats and seafood of every variety. Several sake glasses were laid out in waiting with inarizushi and other small dishes to the side.

A mixture of fresh, simple ingredients boiled together in perfect harmony, bringing forth a mouth-watering fragrance that saturated the air as the food cooked. It wasn’t too heavy at all. Madara asked what you wanted and served you first. Once the pot was mostly emptied, he placed the next round of meat to cook, keeping an eye out if you required anything.

“Cheers!” The trio of you clapped your sake glasses together and sipped. You thanked them for inviting you tonight to share this meal.

Madara plopped a piece of inarizushi in his bowl. “There is no need to thank us Y/N. It should be Izuna thanking us for inviting him over tonight.” He gave Izuna a sideways look.

Izuna snorted. “The more, the merrier. Do you not know the first rule of hot pot?”

“It probably isn’t to scoop all the meat for yourself.”

“It’s not my fault you only eat stuffed tofu.”

“Hn. I suppose someone needs more meat on the bones.”

You looked back and forth, then plucked a piece of that yummy white fish, which you learned was Pacific cod, and ate it. You sat back for the show.

The feast continued with shots fired in both directions. The roasts were getting spicy! You glanced between the brothers again, unable to suppress a giggle. If Madara and Izuna continued, you wouldn’t be shocked if they started spitting fire at each other!

---------------

A temporary truce was called for clean-up to happen. You were pleasantly surprised with this other side of Madara, never expecting him to be so silly when his brother was around. It was endearing and you’d love to do this again.

The leftovers were packed and you helped Izuna with rinsing the dishes before loading the dishwasher. You insisted on pre-washing the more heavily soiled plates before placing them in the machine. You had trouble with the cap on the new bottle of dishwashing detergent.

“Madara? Could you help me open this?” You asked, looking across the room at him.

It was only a second, but when he didn’t come over at once, Madara noticed Izuna giving him the hairy eyeball, as if daring him to tell Izuna to help instead since he was closer. The look plainly stated, Brother, you’re so dumb. Madara wordlessly made his way over to the sink where you were. He came from behind, wrapping his arms around you to grasp the bottle, and twisted it open. “You’re welcome,” he whispered against your ear before disappearing back to where he was, leaving you bashful while Izuna tried to stifle his laugh and failed miserably.

---------------

Within the quiet setting of this spacious retreat in the sky, the mood was anything but tranquil. You played a strategic board game with Madara and Izuna while the brothers continued to abuse each other. Placing your tokens, you only realized your error after your turn ended. You scowled at yourself. Madara took out several of Izuna’s units, but agreed to an amiable trade more beneficial to you than himself.

“You two are like a gang,” Izuna complained, “picking on me constantly. There‘s no chance for me this game. I am green with envy for your relationship, but I’m afraid I might have the runs if niisan keeps coming after me.”

“Hmm like this green tea mousse cheesecake we’re having.” You mentioned offhandedly, savouring the delicious taste of your slice.

Madara stared incredulously at your comment. He didn’t need to hear your analogy, only to remember your profession and how you enjoyed these tasteless jokes at times.

You cackled at his expression. “Is the great Madara scared of a bit of poop?"

“We are having dessert.”

"So? I can still eat. What about you Izuna? How's your appetite?"

"I could eat your share too niisan. It’s a great cake," came the cheeky reply.

Madara's lip twitched. You weren’t this willful when you were alone with him. Fantastic, now there were two adult rascals he must supervise. “Izuna, I’m taking you out.”

The game ended with Madara on top, you in the middle, and Izuna losing after having most of his army annihilated by Madara. The victor was exceedingly satisfied with himself. And full of contentment, having spent the night with his two most cherished people in his home, even if one of them was annoying. Too bad he cared for his brother so much.

---------------

“You can use my bedroom tonight. Izuna and I will stay in other rooms.” Madara opened the walk-in and led you inside. “I bought you clothes in case you stay over so you won’t have to wear mine again. We can get more.”

“Madara! You’re doing it again. I brought my own clothing for the night you know.”

He bent down and took your lips, hands coming to your hips to hold you close.

“This isn’t nearly enough. I should be doing more for you,” he murmured against your lips.

Leaning into him, you kissed back with your palms to his pecs, accepting his embrace and the gift, deciding the clothes were a minor concession in the grand scheme of things, then stepped away to shower. Left to yourself, you thought back to how life used to be utterly mundane. The same things, day in and day out. Now you appreciated even the most ordinary, most boring parts of daily life which became colourful and exciting if it was with Madara by your side. It was like the sun broke the horizon and you finally saw the world’s spectacular kaleidoscope of colours in vivid detail for the first time. It was blinding. It was beautiful. Like the night was painted over with dazzling sun.

Exiting the washroom, you saw that Madara was still in the main bedroom with you, sitting on the edge of the bed. Your heart jumped. Izuna is here! And there’s no door! He looked thoughtful.

“Y/N, I have something else for you. Please accept it.” He held up something shiny that jingled. You gasped. The keys to the penthouse.

“You can use this condo whenever you want.” He looked around. “Change whatever you want too, make it yours. I’ve been arranging the paperwork to change the ownership to your name. You just have to sign when they’re ready. It’s yours.”

You were initially speechless. “I –Madara. This is way too much. I already told you no more of these extravagant gifts! I can’t take this.” It’s a penthouse. Downtown. Was Madara insane? This property was worth millions.

His dark eyes bore into you.

“If this is about my role in helping Izuna, stop. I was just one of many. It was my job. I’m not some angel or anything that pure if you see me that way. I’m often not even a good Samaritan.”

Madara’s eyes closed. He knew you would refuse him. He felt disturbingly vulnerable during these moments when he was forced to voice his unfathomable emotions, but he would push through for you. He needed you to understand. “What’s between us is no longer about Izuna.”

“I already have a home. I don’t need another place to live,” you continued.

“This place is much closer to your hospital and school than yours. The commute will be easier on you and you won’t be nearly as tired. I can arrange to have food ready and cleaning too. Let me take care of you. You can build another home with me.” He brushed your face with the back of his fingers and looked at you tenderly.

You stared back helplessly, tears rising to the surface again. But you wouldn’t let them fall this time. Why was he so good to you? Hugging him tightly, you buried your face in his muscled chest, his arms snaking around you to return the hold.

"I will accept the keys, but not the papers." Thank you for everything you do.

---------------

Several days later, you were ending your shift by giving your chemically paralyzed patient a bed bath so he was freshened up for the next nurse. Everything else was already done: extra bags of paralyzing agents and several other medication drips mixed, fluid balances, and documentation completed. The dressings were changed much earlier. After many transfusions and the bedside bronchoscopy, the blood gas values finally improved and he was more stable than in the morning.

Starting at the chest, you scrubbed with medicated wipes, ensuring you got between all the dips and folds on the body, letting them dry before you draped the body with the new gown. You made your way to the legs and did the same, then came back to the crotch with plain bath wipes.

Erk! You had to spend a lot of time scrubbing this man’s cheesy glans, lamenting how so many people even among healthcare workers didn’t know how to wash a dick properly. It gave foreskin a bad reputation that saddened you. You huffed, briefly wondering what Madara looked like in his birthday suit before banishing the thought instantly. It was fortunate you were still required to wear a face mask at work –no one who happened to walk in could see the evidence of your inopportune reverie.

With the shift over, you changed and headed to the pickup with Jasna at your side as you caught up.

“Y/N, I didn’t see you all day. Did you have a good shift?” she said.

“The guy was sick, but it was steady the whole day when I wasn’t on break. Manageable. No catastrophic workload where I had to worry if I might kill someone by accident. Yours?” You responded. It’s been weeks since you worked together, and your unit was such a huge ICU that even when you do, you might not be in each other’s vicinity or see each other.

“Wasn’t bad either, surprisingly. When I received report this morning, I was expecting much worse, but it was just a long series of small annoyances today. Are you still seeing Madara? Any new developments?” She lived vicariously through you.

You offered her a sheepish grin. “I think we’re officially dating now. Even went to his house recently for hot pot to celebrate the New Year and saw Izuna too.”

“Wow look at you! Dating Madara! How did he ask you?” Jasna wrapped an arm around your shoulders, eager to hear more, certain it must be an excellent story.

“Umm, it was a strange day when we were celebrating his birthday on Christmas Eve. Look, he’s here. I have to go now. Bye!” You weren’t going to divulge how Madara talked about seeing inside you, even if it was Jasna. Nope, no way. She would take the conversation in another direction. You slipped out of her grasp and rushed over to Madara.

“Hey wait! I’ll get it out of you eventually,” she snickered. “Have a great night Y/N.”

There he was waiting in the warmth of his car, arms crossed as he watched you in contemplation. Madara observed your spirited, carefree interaction with your colleague, who looked familiar to him. Must be another nurse. It was a stark contrast to your anxiety around him when you first started seeing each other. It had been upsetting when you were stressed from being with him and he didn’t know how to convey to you to relax. Although you remained periodically tense in his presence, he felt encouraged by your growing willingness to seek his touch and banter with him.

He stepped out of his car to open the door for you, nodding at this other nurse in greeting as she passed. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights, her head bobbed before she wished him goodnight and rushed off. You tittered to yourself at Jasna’s reaction to Madara. It was sweet of him to offer to pick you up, even if tonight’s restaurant was a close walk. He refused to let you freeze in this weather.

The short drive was pleasant. Madara inquired about your day, his hand comfortably resting on yours as you recalled to him several funny moments today while he chuckled quietly.

---------------

You caught yourself rambling during dinner and reminded yourself to slow down, even if Madara didn’t interrupt you. You were a grown ass woman with your own place and a job, but still Madara managed to make you feel like a starry-eyed teenager! Feeling silly, you asked him how he was. You were adequately self-aware to realize before today that you gushed at times in your attempts to fill the silence. But despite being acquainted with the major facts about Madara, you didn’t know nearly as many details about him after he shut you down the first time you inquired. It was difficult to convince Madara to speak about himself.

“Hn. Business as usual, although there is an upcoming conference that’ll span several weeks. I’ll be in Japan.” Madara stared pointedly at you to memorize your features as if he’d never see you again. “It’s hosted by the Senju family. They’re prolific builders of all sorts of property, maybe you’ve heard of Senju Hashirama?”

“Never heard of him. Is he famous?” You asked innocently.

Madara chuckled in delight, amused how outside so-called elite circles, regular people were quite unaware of the dealings between the upper echelons of society, even if the Senju family was almost like royalty in their field. The Senju weren’t the worst of them, but wherever big money was, the rich found a way to get themselves involved.

“You’re not missing much. He’s a buffoon.”

“Oh! It’s him!” You giggled, remembering Madara’s uncharacteristic ranting during a previous call following his heated day.

For the Uchiha, they were involved in a plethora of blade-related industries. Their luxury knives, weaponry, and cutting equipment sales were a minor source of income, however successful they were. The real money was from owning the mines where construction materials and quality ores for industrial metals came from and sourcing these vital materials to industries around the world. And knowing how to invest in these resources and other stocks.

“If it’s a property development conference, why will you be there?” You dabbed your lips with the napkin under Madara’s intense scrutiny.

He smiled at you. “Construction requires ample raw materials and cutting equipment, both of which we provide. There’ll be parts dedicated solely to research and innovation for those topics.”

You sighed in disappointment. Another few weeks without Madara. “It seems we spend more time apart than we see each other. I hope you have a successful conference.” You were unable to resist pouting.

The warmth that spread through him at your confession was unstoppable. He gave you a smug look. “It seems as if you’re already missing me, well before I’ve even left.”

“Of course I’ll miss you! I mean, I won’t! I mean… yes, oh, I don’t know!” You blabbed until you stopped yourself in dismay. “You’re riling me up on purpose!”

Look at him! Elbow to the table, squishing his cheek on his fist as he smirked at your expense! He thoroughly enjoyed causing your embarrassment in public!

Madara threw his head back and belly laughed in earnest, the smooth tone reverberating and shaking you to the core. He reached across the table to scoop up your fingertips in his hand. “I apologize Y/N for your distress, but that was much too good to pass up.” He grinned as his eyes twinkled.

“Hmph.” You maintained your air of mock indignance. “Keep it up and I won’t let you drop me off at home. Remind you you’re not being a gentleman tonight.”

“Oh? Here I thought you enjoyed the heated seats in my car.”

Darn, outed. “A little chill will help clear my head of any misplaced longing for you and your teasing ways. The subway is always an option.”

His eyes scanned your face, entertaining your words with the grin still plastered to his. “I can keep you comfortable though,” he purred. You shuddered, not missing the double meaning. Your eyes almost crossed as you gaped at him. Definitely not a gentleman tonight.

Quickly recovering, you rolled your eyes at him and asked, “Have you ever even taken the subway before?” You doubted this fancy man would enjoy the proximity of hundreds of strangers at any time of day.

“No.” Just as you thought, you smiled while shaking your head.

---------------

The bill came, after you and Madara ‘made up,’ not that there were hard feelings from the back and forth earlier. He had backed off and let your mortification die.

“Here.” You waved the server over. Madara’s hand shot out and grabbed your wrist.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting the bill?”

He frowned deeply at the prospect of you treating him for dinner. “What man allows that?” He took the receipt from the server.

"Lots of couples take turns. You are so traditional! Are you from the Stone Ages?!" You tried to snatch the small paper back, but Madara had longer arms and he held it from you.

Madara liked when you challenged him, but not on this. He wouldn’t allow this. He spoke before thinking.

"I wasn't aware this is how the sugar daddy dynamic worked." He stated flatly, distraught by your actions and sentiment, however well-intentioned, the strong desire to care for you overwhelming. He was also the one with greater means after all.

You stiffened. Sugar daddy. Right, that was how you met.

You implored him to at least let you buy your own share of dinner. You needed to.

“No. It is my duty to provide for you.”

---------------

His words hurt, even if you didn’t let on how much they affected you. You and Madara never acknowledged the fact you met on a sugar dating site. The development of your relationship seemed genuine and organic. Perhaps it was awkward to start, but it had grown into something warm and natural. At times he was difficult to read, but you knew this man was kind and caring behind his seemingly indifferent exterior. Being with Madara brought you greater joy than most things. It wasn’t like either of you felt the need to even assign a definitive label to what you had.

Madara’s words were a painful reminder of the imbalance in this relationship, even if he once mentioned you were equals and had been very good to you from the start. How could you be equals when you hailed from completely different upbringings and worlds?

The roads were icy, your breathing creating puffs of fog with every exhale before you settled in the car. Naturally, Madara was driving you home. He insisted, and you craved his company. He looked slightly tense, but didn’t seem he was aware of your brooding.

“I’d like to invite you to a formal party next weekend. It’s a gathering with another major metal-working company in the province.” He glanced at you briefly, once again bringing his hand to seek physical contact with yours as he completed a left turn. It was a high-end formal event, but in his mind, still considered a minor party without the biggest industrial players in the world. Madara thought you might be interested.

You were staring at your feet when he asked. Would you belong? You peered over at your man longingly, chest tightening. Your hand flipped around to clutch his properly.

“I will be there.”

~To be continued~

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Notes:

This chapter 3 got long, so I cut it in two.

I’m of the group who thinks the S/O is initially more smitten than Madara, but he falls way harder. “Acts of Service” is his main love language, so he’s quite preoccupied with taking care of her. Madara doesn't do half-assed measures. It’s over for Madara, even if he hasn’t said the words yet. He’s hers 💖

More practice painting to learn not to yeet my entire computer. Have a hot vampire for thanksgiving, 

My favourite kind of fics to read and to write

A Night for Hunting Ch.10 -What Makes a Meal?

T/W: Alucard (Ultimate) x F!Reader, sexually suggestive content, but also some fluff. Romance, Riocard, shapeshifting. Smitten human with a crush. Seductive vampire troll, ‘dating.’ Comedy but not really? (things are amusing for Alucard at least).  Words: 5026 On AO3 @alastorhazbin

Thank you all for the birthday wishes! 

This chapter ended up longer than anticipated. Guess I was having fun too! I think it’s needed before the plot gets a bit more serious later.

I received a new shipment of orchids to add to my modest collection and I’ve been obsessed, if you can’t tell with my plant references.

Please read the note at the end of this chapter.

Alucard insisted on taking your number before you left for vacation with your closest friends. It was only a short trip away from home, but it was what you could manage. You ended up travelling to Scotland and visiting all the attractions of interest to your group, including Edinburgh Castle and the Isle of Skye. The landscape at the Isles was truly the stuff of legends. The soft light of late winter painted the sky deep pinks and purples during sunrise, the dusting of frost atop mountains were glittering diamonds in the morning sun before it melted into a shimmery dew, a series of picturesque waterfalls cascaded into the crystal clear Fairy Pools. It was a land of magic and enchantment more suited for a world of fantasy than reality. You almost wished Alucard was there so you could show him the beauty of the land and those spectacular sunrises. You captured countless photos to preserve the memory.

During a hike, your group’s passage disrupted a colony of hibernating bats, sending them fluttering in a noisy, chittering swarm. You scuttered away with your friends, yet you grinned even while squawking as everyone else did. These bats, however, did not possess scarlet eyes. Neither did they want anything to do with roosting in your hands as another bat did. 

He was at the back of your mind the entire time. Ever since you accepted your attraction to your immortal suitor, you thought of him frequently in increasingly fond terms. He was absolutely charming. It was frightening how quickly he came to occupy your conscious faculties. You hoped he’d appreciate the small gift you were bringing back to him. 

The vampire phoned at night on several occasions. Unfortunately, he did not allow you to elude him with only texting, stating that it was no proper way of communication. Once again, you were pleasantly surprised by the conversation with him. He was the most attentive audience as you excitedly recounted the adventures of the day, then he agreed with your hotel roommate as she teased you about ‘your boyfriend’ in the background of your calls. Curse his vampire hearing. You trembled at the deep voice on the other end. Between them, they had you tumbling into a flustered puddle of stutters and you terminated the call, telling him to let you be and that he was being an idiot.

You fell back on the mattress and pulled the sheets over your head so your friend wouldn’t see the stupid grin on your face. The butterflies in your stomach fluttered again as you recalled the smile you heard in Alucard’s voice during the call. --------------------

At last you were home in England. Considering the circumstances on how you met, the eagerness with which you wanted to see Alucard might be astonishing. His dastardly ways were mostly unchanged, yet his hunting of you for sport was long ago. Your current relationship was decidedly warm. 

There was no way you could treat him to a fancy restaurant, so you invited him over for dinner. It seemed like an excellent choice of activity until Alucard expressed his excitement about the prospects of you feeding him, only for you to repeatedly remind him he was not drinking from you again.

Sweet, I have arrived.

You fumbled with the lid to the pot before catching yourself and safely setting it down. You rushed to the entrance with a huge smile and pulled it open, only to stop dead in your tracks.

Huh?

Your smile dropped at the bizarre sight. It was undoubtedly Alucard on the other side of the door. You would never mistake those fiery eyes, the immense stature, and arrogant demeanour for anyone else. Yet he was different. His thick tresses revealed his hairline and fell straight past his rear. He wore a tailored black suit that fit him to perfection and a conceited smirk that matched the enthralling sunset gaze. There was something about his appearance that made him feel more unsettling and dangerous than usual.

You knew the vampire was a shapeshifter, yet you edged backwards when faced with the unfamiliar. His eyes glittered with mirth at your hesitation and his fingertips landed on your cheek with a delicate touch.

“Surely you have not forgotten me in a mere week, Dear?” He jested, rattling you out of your stupor.

As if that was possible. You shut your mouth. Yup, this was certainly Alucard. “I –I could never.” You meekly stepped aside to let in your guest and stared at him as he strode in like he owned your home.

“This is a gift for you,” he pronounced, setting a basket of yellowish, fragrant orchids in your hands. “It is known as ‘The Lady of the Night.’ It suits you.” It was a living arrangement of the whole plant, not just the cut flowers, and you shook your head at the vampire’s double meanings with a sigh. 

“Thank you. They are lovely.” You accepted the gift graciously and took a quick whiff of the citrusy fragrance that was to die for. The door shut and locked behind the vampire.

Alucard was in excellent spirits. He scented your excitement from behind the door and in truth, he was equally eager to see you. It smelled divine, the aromas of home-cooking and your nervousness mingled to tantalize his senses. He took in the sight of you standing awkwardly beside him, wondering if you were supposed to offer to take his coat, and grinned fiendishly. How adorable without even knowing it.

“Sweet, you should know the physical form I assume is meaningless. I may appear as whatever I desire.” 

His handsome countenance suddenly melted into whispering shadows. You gasped as his snakelike tongue lolled before he warped into a bipedal horned monster leaking darkness. His body stretched and broke open to reveal smooth bone, before sinewy muscle fibres formed over skeletal limbs and were encased in fresh skin. Those overly long, disproportionate fingers dripped of the night and you held your breath. You weren’t sure if you were afraid, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the grotesquely fascinating transformation. 

The monster dropped onto all fours, the horns elongating into antlers and with a series of crunches, the beast moulded itself into a giant elk that took up all of your living space. The metamorphosis was disturbing, but Alucard remained the most majestic creature, even as the elk sprouted eyes along its snout and down its hide. It stared into you for the longest moment and you didn’t look away, then it shrank into a dog, though the extra eyes remained.

And suddenly he became your Alucard again. 

The jagged shadows lashed about before flowing back and forming his familiar face, the darkness rippling around him with a crimson glow. It seemed the magic show was over and you were both silent. You finally released your bated breath. Instead of feeling terrified by the gnarly sight of Alucard remaking himself as if he was liquid, you giggled, then laughed out loud in wonder. You approached him to caress his hands, inspecting the digits that were reformed without any sign they were any longer mere moments ago. You stroked his cheeks, then went to the top of his head. No remnants of horns either.

Alucard’s brow lifted at your reaction. You were…excited by the prospect of having your own petting zoo? Yet he was not affronted by your debasement of his abilities as a Nosferatu. He made you laugh again and he basked in the sound. Tucking a strand of hair behind your ears, his smile matched your own toothy grin that showed your canines peeking through, so tiny compared to his fangs. 

You kept giggling, tucking a strand of imaginary hair away, unconsciously mirroring his actions and your eyes glittered as you lunged to embrace him. Such an unexpected and gratifying response you welcomed him with. His expression softened.

“Welcome back, little one,” he murmured, wrapping an arm around your waist.

Your lips parted and then closed. And opened again. You buried your face in his chest. “I missed you too, you jerk,” you mumbled, burrowing deeper when you felt the vibrations of his laughter. “I have something for you too, from Scotland.” Holding out something furry with both hands, you presented to your vampire a little stuffed toy bat. 

His brows raised before the orange pools spun and the light caught their golden flecks. He took the bat and studied it with a toothy grin, flicking a fond glance at you before tucking it away in his duster. “Delightful.”

You beamed bashfully and pulled apart. “Come on in, vampire, dinner is ready.”

You led your guest inside and seated him at the table. The seats were set and everything was just about cooked. All that was left to do was to plate the dishes and pour the drinks. You excused yourself briefly to use the bathroom.

Alucard settled into his seat while you used the facilities, listening to the sounds of your bodily functions, enjoying everything that made you human. Everything that was a normal life. His eyes opened as you returned and finished your preparations, materializing beside you to assist with preparing the beverages and floating the entrees over, making you shake your head in glee at his ‘magic tricks.’

He tugged at a chair to slide it across the floor with a hushed whisper, then tucked you back into the table once you were seated. “Dig in!” You proudly announced, quickly layering your bowl with an assortment of goods. 

As you tore into the deer, you peeked up at him in confusion. He made no moves to serve himself. You almost snorted. He may be your guest, but was he so insufferable he was expecting you to serve him like he was a king?

“You aren’t eating? Go ahead.” You pushed a dish at him and dabbed at the escaped sauce from your lips, not missing the way those predatory eyes followed the movement. 

“I will eat,” the vampire replied cryptically.

“You should while it’s hot. It’s venison stew, perfect for this weather! It’ll warm even you up,” you snickered, plopping a sizable serving into his bowl.

He didn’t reply.

This was getting awkward. You tried to chew quietly as your head spun. Was this some archaic vampire ritual where he was supposed to allow you to finish eating before he began? Did you mess up the dish somehow? Perhaps he preferred his meats more undercooked, bloodier? You somehow doubted it was because he didn’t consume meat. There simply didn’t seem to be a hint of a vegetarian in Alucard.

“The meal is perfectly divine, little one.”

The reassurance didn't help. “Then why…” You trailed off. The vampire was enamoured by the process of you eating. You set down the spoon as you finished swallowing.

“Alucard, you’re getting creepy again. You were expected to eat too, you know, not just stare at me.”

He chuckled. "You still wish to feed me?" 

“That was why you were invited.”

“As you wish, little one, but you are not feeding me.” 

You fixed the flattest, blankest stare in his direction. The quietness was nearly deafening. You made him a feast that blanketed every inch of the table. What game was he playing at now?

Sunset eyes got brighter and that grin grew wide. 

“Oh hell no. You’re a grown ass man! I’m not spoon-feeding you like you’re a toddler!”

“That is the only way I will eat human food.” He licked his lips.

“Then don’t eat! See if I care!” You huffed in disbelief, shoving in another bite to chew angrily. All that time spent preparing this plethora of dishes to perfection for this uncivilized beast. More for you, whatever. There will be plentiful food for the week.

The minutes stretched as you ate in silence by yourself. Childishly, you sliced the already tender morsels with more force than necessary to make a point. Several times, your gaze flickered up to check what your infuriating guest was doing, whether he was bluffing or if he truly expected you to demean yourself. An uncanny stare scrutinized every aspect of the way you consumed your food and suddenly you couldn’t remember why you missed him.

Grinding your teeth, you at last threw your hands up in frustration. “You really are insufferable!” You scooped up a slice of deer and shoved it at Alucard’s annoying mug.

The vampire's grin split even wider with his victory and the meat slid into his mouth. He started purring. “Heavenly. Were I still living, I would have appointed you a chef in my castle.”

You rolled your eyes at his grandiose words of praise. Even if he was a Duke or a Count or anyone of enough importance to warrant living in a castle, his manners were clearly plebeian. His appreciation for your efforts would be more apparent if you didn’t need to basically beg him to eat it.

“Come here, sweet one.”

“I am here,” you deadpanned.

“Your obstinate struggles against my will, as entertaining as they are, will always be fruitless, little human. Come here.” He scooted back in his chair and placed a hand on his lap. 

The audacity! This was your home. 

You had half a mind to demand he leave, but what were you going to do? Try shoving him out the door? He’d just phase through and mock you, if he even let you move him. If sitting in an ancient vampire’s lap to feed him dinner was the only way to expedite the process, so be it. Begrudgingly, you grumbled and plodded over to drop onto one of his thighs, only for him to scoop up your legs and drape you sideways over his lap.

You pouted and glared at him to show your displeasure.

“You really are charming when irate,” he purred, sticking his nose to your throat to nuzzle it. He inhaled. “For the aromas.” He chuckled when you tensed. “I am ready to eat, Sweet.”

You leaned away while pushing at his jaw to create distance, feeling the twitch in the corner of an eye as you picked up the fork and lanced the first piece of deer from Alucard’s bowl before lifting it to his lips. They wouldn’t part.

Not like that. His voice appeared in your mind, immediately followed by an image of yourself holding the cut to his lips between your fingertips.

“You really are going too far.”

“Humour me and you will find your freedom sooner.”

Picking up a slice of stew meat, you shoved it at the beast as you blazed with fury. He accepted the offering instantly, cool lips closing around your fingers to suckle. You squeaked in horror and yanked your hand back while he swallowed what you gave him whole.

“What the hell?!”

He smacked his lips and leered at you through lidded eyes. “Next.”

Gulping down your apprehension, you raised the next piece to his mouth and looked aghast as that scandalous tongue made a reappearance. Alucard made a show of licking your hand, beginning at the palm with a tickle and wrapping around your sauce-coated fingers. He lapped slowly at your fingertips as his eyes flashed, before gingerly taking the deer between sharp teeth and sucking it back with a wet slurp.

The hair on your arms stood on end, making your skin tingle. Your eyes met and his hand tightened around your waist. The other stroked up your thigh and squeezed your hip. Something else like appendages rubbed your shoulders and feet and held you tighter to him. He crooned and licked your jaw before capturing your lips to nibble on. The lounging beast sighed happily as your eyes bulged and you squirmed with discomfort on his lap.

“For the added seasoning,” he murmured against your ear.

That was just rude! 

The vampire cackled and flicked at your bottom lip again, making you flinch. “There exists no seasoning superior to your own taste.”

Piece by piece, you fed the old vampire by hand while he held you hostage in his lap. Despite feeling thoroughly harassed, eventually you couldn’t help but feel slightly flattered about your culinary abilities that elicited a response like this. If he liked your food so much, you supposed you could just cook for him again but skip this degenerate’s feeding kink, although being perched on his lap was not too bad. Neither was his touch wholly unwelcome. 

You pet his cheek while he chewed, his expression the face of pleasure. Nuzzling into your palm with a moan, his eyes opened to slits when you brushed up one side to investigate the pointy earlobe. He kept purring as loud as an engine.

Your eyes focused on the dancing shadows that surrounded him. They floated and twirled and seemingly pulsed at times. So mesmerizing.

Your unoccupied hand dipped cautiously into the shadow tendrils flowing around Alucard. He shuddered and growled, so low it was nearly imperceptible. A single wisp wrapped around your hand and you held onto it. Making contact with it was the strangest experience. Alucard's shadows were just that –not really tangible, yet you were able to physically touch his darkness. It buzzed in your hand with arcane energy that rippled through your being and tickled your spirit. Finally, you let him go, unable to bear the sensation any longer, and dropped your head on his broad shoulder to rest.

The heat was probably too high in your apartment after so much cooking. Your shirt clung to musky armpits and you fidgeted on Alucard’s lap as the undead cat finished another bite. He inhaled deeply, heavy purrs rumbling through his chest and vibrating through you. What a pervert. Always too suggestive. Always too attractive.

You absentmindedly gave him another piece, nipping on your lips and staring everywhere except at him when he started licking again. Something hard slid against your finger, catching your attention. The goddamn vampire was dragging the side of a fang against your ring finger. You held your breath, but again, it wasn't fear you felt, only curiosity at where he was going with this when he plainly stated he had no intention of biting you.

You caught the wicked smirk and glint in his eyes, now a deeper shade than at the onset of the meal. Again with the teasing. The air was heavy, the aura of mystery and danger swirled. His hair was longer and the locks fluttered despite the lack of a breeze. The lights dimmed before coming back on, throwing contrasting shadows across the pale profile you enjoyed looking at so much.

This smug vampire knew he was magnificent.

Your body responded aptly. After being subjected to hearing and feeling him purr all night, as well as the sensation of having his hands on you all night, you fell victim to his allure… the devilish monstrosity was simply irresistible. It felt like you were sitting in a furnace when you lowered your gaze from his triumphant one.

There it was, the scent of arousal. Alucard inhaled loudly, nostrils flaring as he absorbed his victory, ensuring you knew he was fully aware of your state of restlessness. Human food may be disgusting, but the taste of your skin was sweet ambrosia. For it to be finally paired with this ravishing perfume? Alucard believed he would never have enough of this gourmet delicacy.

The vampire was rock hard. A stiff shaft prodded your rump, large enough to make an impression even through fine wool and the awkward positioning. Your wide eyes lifted slowly to meet his, your shock at odds with his amusement.

The hands returned, the touch now lewd compared to the gentle exploration earlier. A shadow hand massaged your breast, alternatively kneading the mound between its palm and fingers. He traced circles around the tip to create a pebble before he pinched it. Your guest took your lips, prodding insistently until you yielded to his demands. Cold muscle delved into your mouth and he growled as he slid around to conquer and explore. Something firm held the back of your head when you attempted to escape. Another hand. His hands were everywhere, stroking and grabbing until you writhed in his grasp.

Your musk got heavier as your underwear became saturated with fluid. Even you smelled it. Alucard keened and encouraged you to touch him. A strange energy embraced you, leaving you gasping and he smirked with satisfaction. 

Curiously, you rested a palm on his chest. He had no heartbeat. Your heart was pounding, but there was nothing beating in his, nothing to show that you weren’t the only one hot and bothered. A moment of trepidation flashed by and passed. Resting your forehead to his chin, you trailed down his torso to rest lightly on the front of his pants. It was held up with steel that strained the smooth material into an indecent tent. You cupped it width-wise, its girth taking up most of the curvature your hand created, and tentatively ran your palm down the length. Down and down and down your hand travelled, until the end ran under your leg and disappeared.

Sweet Jesus, how big was this monster?

He hissed in pleasure as he made another show of licking your fingers, sucking them into his maw one by one. The devil held you spellbound through glowing vermilion orbs. No…you searched within your consciousness…the ancient vampire wasn’t hypnotizing you. This was all you. The revelation was more frightening than anything.

You shivered.

“What say you? Shall we search for nirvana this fine evening for dessert?”

“E-excuse me?”

“As I proposed, I will mount y–”

“I know how the mechanics work!” You screamed, your face on fire as you suddenly found yourself free of your prison and you scrambled off of him in an uncoordinated tangle of limbs, tripping over yourself and landing on your rear by his feet.

Alucard threw his head back and roared raucously as he leaned back to watch you. Eyes opened on the ground and curled in laughter to join in. The extra extremities disappeared. As did your desire –in just these few seconds, your libido jumped off a cliff and died, to be replaced by total mortification.

Not knowing how to recover, you picked yourself up from the floor as the vampire shook his head and chuckled. Stomping down the hall, you turned and hollered, “Time for you to leave! I’m going to bed!” Nevermind the fact that you just ate. 

The door slammed behind you and you crumbled to the floor in a panting heap, the mind racing to process what happened. A vampire, you were about to lay with a marauding predator of the night. Sinfully beautiful, but a ruthless murderer nonetheless. You hugged your legs and tried to calm yourself.

It was futile. You too craved his presence.

“...”

You sat alone longer at the edge of a precipice, the distance providing some much-needed clarity, until you finally stood shakily with your fingertips lingering on the door knob, about to flip the switch when you stopped yourself. If you were to be honest with yourself, you didn’t detest this vampire anymore. You would not mind if he stayed the night. 

…The bedroom door was left unlocked.

-----------------------

You stirred, sticking out a leg and kicking over to the other side of the bed, the cotton sheets brushing softly against your naked skin. With an arching back, you stretched the entire length of your body, from the tips of your fingers to the bottoms of your feet, and yawned. The muscles in your legs cramped from being perched in one position last night. Your toes poked out from under the blanket.

“I bid you good morning, little human.”

You sat up abruptly and found the unblinking crimson set of eyes in the corner of the room. For a moment, fear shot up your spine, the terrifying recollection of being at the mercy of a red-eyed monster who wanted to rip into you on another occasion made your blood run cold. 

But there was no need for alarm this time. Your heart raced even as the fright dissipated.

There he was, sitting on the grey loveseat with his legs crossed and a frown marring his features, his fingers loosely intertwined. Shooting a panicked glance over to the window, you saw there was indeed light filtering around the edges of the curtains, illuminating the bedroom with the gentle rays of morning. But the sun! Why wasn’t he going off in flames? Did he just watch you sleep the entire night? 

“Why are you here?” You asked dumbly.

The frown turned upside down and the vampire cackled, two rows of jagged teeth gleaming like a bear trap. “You invited me in, little one.”

“But you stayed the night?”

“Watching you breathe,” he purred, “listening to your heart beat.”

Creepy, psychopathic behaviour, but then again, this was Alucard you were referring to. You held the sheets closer to your chest before remembering to check on your state of undress beneath. You were the same as how you went to bed, crotch still clammy from the devil’s seduction last night.

“I meant the sun. How are you alive? Shouldn’t you be a pile of ashes?” 

He smiled. “Your legends generally do not apply to a true vampire like myself.”

Indeed, Alucard actually looked fresh and well-composed, as if he didn’t spend the night sexually harassing a young woman and then ogled her as she slept. The fog in your mind slowly retreated. A true vampire… There was so much you didn’t know about the supernatural.

You rubbed your eyes and blinked at him. "So the sun doesn't hurt you?"

"No more than it harms you, though I may despise the day."

"Then how about garlic?"

He snorted.

"Crosses? Holy water?"

"Mere irritations."

"Silver?"

"Ah– that may cause injury." The vampire closed his eyes and snickered. "So curious about my existence, little one. You want me dead?" Hellfire bore through your soul.

Dead?

You froze, unsure of how to respond. Did you want him dead? Vampires were a menace to society, a scourge. Wouldn't the world be better off without demons like him wandering it? “You are already dead. But…I can’t say I want you gone for good anymore…”

Silence. The fire burned warmly in those molten pools. "You are such an intriguing creature," he murmured.

You shuffled in bed and propped up a pillow behind your back, being careful to keep the sheets draped over your chest, thoroughly conscious of your nakedness. A million questions bloomed in mind as you sat quietly across from this ancient creature a few paces away, who witnessed the eras come and go. Was it okay to ask now?

“So…how did you become a vampire?”

He sat back and tilted his chin up in thought before staring down his nose at you. “At the end of my human life, I chose vengeance and hate."

You perked up. To be or not to be. "So your sire gave you the option to become a vampire?" You recalled his reaction the last time you inquired about his sire. Hopefully vampirism wasn't a fate that was forced upon him.

Alucard didn't respond immediately. "I have no sire, little human."

You were mildly confused. That was how vampires were born though, wasn't it? Vampires created vampires, as they also gave rise to ghouls. Alucard himself told you so. It seemed the more you learned from him, the less you knew. There was always another secret.

You blurted it out, much more directly than the last time you broached this topic months ago. "...Do you ever regret it?"

He looked sad, wistful, and your heart churned for a demon. What was this feeling? His gaze dimmed, turning downcast as the frown returned.

"Cherish your humanity, child."

Not knowing what to say, you reached for him and he came to you immediately, kneeling by the side of the bed and resting his face in your hand. You ran your fingers through the silky hair you adored and the vampire sighed against your touch.

You pondered Alucard's words as you pet him. So many questions. "Then what about that vampire you shot? Is he like you? Are there other vampires like you who don't bite?"

Alucard tensed before smiling slightly, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m not something so vulgar and cheap. And I do bite.” A hand shot up to grasp your wrist by his face.

You were undeterred. You put your other hand to his chest and once more noted the lack of comforting beats. His touch wasn’t gross like with the other vampire. In fact, physical contact with Alucard no longer made you feel the need to shower. His aura no longer urged you to run and hide, or face mortal peril. Actually, this was quite pleasant.

His face came within inches of yours and you felt his icy breath as he spoke.

“If you can kill me, I would gladly die by your hands.” He purred at you, pressing your hand hard into his chest, leaning heavily into your touch and lowering his head to rub noses.

To be or not to be. You snorted, “As if that’s even in the realm of possibilities.”

“Only a human can kill a monster.”

“You are not making any sense.” You’ve seen what he can do. He had superpowers while you were a normal mortal. Kill him? What a joke.

Alucard chuckled, “No, I suppose not.” A gloved finger bumped softly against the tip of your nose and he closed the gap between you. Luminescent irises whirled, his gaze affectionate. You stared back into the balmy gaze as you let your lips and foreheads touch in a tender meeting.

Minutes had passed when you pulled apart.

“Okay, you got your show. Time for you to leave.” You sighed, brushing a thumb against his cheek one last time before dragging your sheets with you to keep yourself modest as you rose from bed to pull open the curtains.

He was gone from your room when you turned back.

~To be Continued~

Chapter 11: Interlude I Chapter 12: The Feeling of Safety

Notes:  For those of you not familiar with Shakespeare’s work, Hamlet, “To be or not to be, that is the question” is probably the most well-known line from his play. This infamous soliloquy is referring to the decision “to live or not to live,” something Hamlet pondered as he discussed how painful living is and how death may be preferable, if it weren’t for the uncertainty of what came afterwards. Hamlet was suicidal. It is deeper when Alucard said it because he wasn’t merely referring to his ‘cowardly’ decision to turn (“to be a vampire”), but also how by choosing ‘to be,’ he ended up damning himself to an eternity of unlife instead. Alucard wants to die.

While I think Alucard wasn't constantly shagging everyone prior to meeting us, I headcanon that he is normally open to sexual relationships with humans should they be interested (and if they interest him). And if Alucard is sexually interested in someone, he will certainly at least try to seduce them. Alucard is extremely suggestive, very sensual, and the type to take a mile if you give him an inch. If you let him in your pants once, he'll be seeking opportunities to charm them off again. He knows he's attractive, good in bed, and that we’re hot for him. 

So now I feel like I kind of lied when I said "no smut" in this story's initial tags (hey it was supposed to be a oneshot), but I think I actually can't avoid some racy content if we're to get to the point where we want to give Alucard all of ourselves. This fic had mature themes from the beginning, so I believe most readers won’t have too much issue with more sexual content, but explicit smut scenes will be mostly in the interludes from this point on. It is now officially “eventual smut/NSFW." Things will be spicier here and there. The Interludes can be skipped and readers will (probably) not miss too much. Just FYI, they eventually do pretty much everything except fuck “all the way,” ie. P-in-V sex. BTW, next chapter is an interlude. It features period blood and is really not for everyone (but hey, our dear monster is a vampire), in which case I hope you’ll enjoy Ch.12 more!

Above: Brassavola nodosa, The Lady of the Night. Not my orchid, but one I eventually want to add to my collection. I wasn't aware of this, but apparently in some cultures, it represents the connection between the living and the dead. Only at night it is fragrant, releasing a smell that is described as citrusy or like gardenias.

Oh but come on, Alucard's dead. What is he going to do? Get me pregnant or give me an STD? Wait, was the issue the part where he's dead? 🤣

I let my pussy make my decisions, call that clitical thinking