Me, Except The Only Uchiha Dick I Want Is Madara's. I'll Take His Clones'. Look At His Pose. And His

They really don't pay any attention to what we blog about, do they?

Porn bots, please leave me alone. I don't have the hots for 3D women, you can't defeat me like this. If you don't look like the man below, your chances are −273,15 °C

Madara didn't bring Izuna back with edo tensei nor would the infinite tsukuyomi bring him back so he wasn't trying to save or revive his brother.

I think the idea that Madara went insane because of Izunas death is too narrow a cause. Losing his brother was devastating but the flip was years after. He went insane because he lost everything.

His family, the trust of his clan, his pride, his voice, his desire to live in a world he thought destined for destruction.

The eye of the moon plan wasn't about revenge or righteousness, I think it was Madara's attempt to do a powerful enough right to outweigh his wrongs. Which in his mind, were mountainous.

Driven by instinct

Tip jar

Meme belongs to @coffin-of-dust I’m on a comedy roll today

A Night for Hunting Ch.2- No Way Out

Wow. I am blown away by the reception to my two Hellsing fics! Thank you for everyone's support! The voters have spoken! This fic will be written first. It was originally intended to be a one-shot, but is now expanded into a series of chapters that will be like cutscenes showing how the relationship developed between Alucard and his Reader, from being her unwanted yandere stalker to becoming her lover.

Alucard likes humans. He may be violent and psycho sometimes, and he'll absolutely mess around to freak her out, but he isn’t going to purposely harm an innocent civilian woman. This sexy beast has his own moral compass and standards for how true vampires should conduct themselves.

T/W: 18+, Alucard (Ultimate) x F!Reader, predator/prey, fear play, yandere, dacryphilia, noncon groping, no smut, eventual romance, Alucard is an obnoxious troll, stalking, enemies to lovers. Alucard is a creep cuz he’s terrible at social interactions, but he never hurts her.

WC: 1796 On AO3

The coast looked clear so far tonight. Nothing was strange or out of place en route to your new home of one week. Your eyes scanned the darkened streets carefully, paying particular attention to its shadowed corners, which you now knew could hide monsters. 

The monster was much bolder since the first time it appeared to you last autumn. Months passed when he showed up on and off to harass you occasionally until now. If you were honest, the suspense of not knowing whether the creature would show up when you went home was sometimes worse than if you were expecting him.

Those eyes still liked to track your pointless struggles to fight and escape as its sensual mocking voice appeared in your head. Its shadows often emerged from various surfaces to caress you as you passed. Its lips would suddenly be on your neck or you’d hear inhalations from behind only to find nothing there. Over the past months, there were times when you were less afraid, but last night. You shuddered at the recollection of that thing’s expression and cold touch.

The memories of last night when you were pursued again came rushing back. He gnashed his horrific teeth right by your face and cackled to get the twisted chase started, his expression much more fearsome than past times. He looked crazed, like he was out for blood, his scarlet duster was ripped in places and his face and gloves speckled in red.

Something rattled and you nearly jumped out of your skin. A plump mass of black slunk around the ground on all fours, crawling towards you…it was getting closer…it was just a raccoon scavenging for scraps. You let out the breath you held, feeling foolish. The fat critter stood on its hind legs with its paws up to regard you curiously, as if considering whether you might feed it. You licked your lips and continued your brisk walk, eyes once again darting around to analyze your surroundings. 

The patio furniture at a different pub was put up as before, with the chairs placed upside down and the seats on the tables. Then again, it was relatively warm now, even at night. Of course the bars and restaurants would want to seat more guests outside during business hours. Except everything was closed and quiet now, as things usually were by the time you went home alone late at night. Your skirt rustled. The summer breeze was comfortable against the sheen of nervous sweat dampening your t-shirt, making it cling to your frame.

You were well past the point on this route where the harassment started the past two nights. That was promising. Perhaps you’d be safe tonight- 

A gust of cold air breathed directly into your ear. You jumped like a startled cat and spun around. Nothing. It was just the wind. That had to be the wind, right? But the seasonal breeze was supposed to be warm. A large frame pressed flush against your back, making you turn rigid. 

No.

He chuckled, “So skittish.” The impossibly tall creature leaned down to whisper in your ear. His cold breath gave you goosebumps. You were frozen. "What are you waiting for? Run." 

You screamed in dread, but didn’t need to be told twice. Your legs had been geared up in anticipation for the run since your walk home began. Despite the failure of all your past attempts to flee, your legs kicked at the ground in rapid succession to bring you away from the nightmare behind you. You didn’t turn to glance back once. 

The massive vampire’s eyes glittered with unbridled excitement. The wind blew again in his direction, carrying your scent towards him, and he took a huge whiff of the air. Your salty sweat and tears hit his senses with force, much better than the stench of the undead. He smirked as he took casual steps forward. What a beautiful night this was turning into.

A hand brushed against the inside of your bare thigh. You sobbed, feeling hopeless. He never came three nights in a row before. Was this punishment for moving elsewhere in the city? Your strides were getting sloppy as you sped through the black park. Visibility was poor without any light, which was probably that thing’s doing, you realized. He made the streetlights go out before. 

…You couldn’t live as some twisted demon’s plaything like this forever. Your lungs burnt and your legs screamed as you stuttered to a halt. Keeling over with your hands braced against both knees, your breath came to you in haggard gasps as you kept crying. He might as well kill you now.

You are already tired, Dear? The night has only begun. He spoke to you with his enchanting voice, but his soft words brought you no comfort. Feet clad in knee-high leather boots stopped in front of you and made the grass whisper as his weight hit the ground.

Get out of my head.

The faint metallic taste of blood kissed the back of your throat from the burning breaths you were forced to take. You swallowed it down. “What do you want from me?" You uttered with a small voice.

He cocked his head, whether he had never stopped to ponder that before or because yours was an incredibly stupid question, you didn’t know. Silky midnight locks fluttered in the gentle breeze. "A good...CHASE." 

You lifted frightened eyes to scrutinize him properly. He would almost be as captivating as the moment you first met if it weren’t for the toothy, sadistic smile adorning those charming features. Vermillion eyes gleamed with mischief under a wide fedora hat.

"You're sick." The grin only grew wider. You averted your gaze, unable to look at that grotesque face anymore. 

"You flatter me.” He stepped closer and you instinctively inched back. “I am merely accompanying a lady home during your nighttime commute. The night is dark and full of terrors." He chuckled again. It was a sick sound, one that communicated his thorough enjoyment of his joke as well as your anguish. Your teeth clenched through tightened jaws.

The nerve!

Pent-up rage you didn’t know you possessed blossomed in your gut, the suffering you endured at his hands for nearly a year driving you to mouth off in retaliation. You sputtered, finding it difficult to articulate your indignity and frustration at his nonchalant comments.

“Y-you are the terror! You’ve done nothing but terrorize me! How d-dare you say you’re only accompanying me home!”

He howled in laughter. “A nighttime walk doesn’t hurt. Come, sweet, let me bring you home.”

This thing was talking to you? He didn’t kill you yet for speaking against him? Then again, he never truly injured you the past year, even if his blasphemous presence made your blood run cold.

You were seething at his rationale, but you wanted nothing more than to be home. “Don’t patronize me.” You angrily swept away the fresh tears that dripped down your cheeks and started walking on your own, uncaring anymore of what happened next, whether he killed you, bit you, or whatever. You were beyond exhausted, having done this nightly ritual after long grueling days of work for far too long. 

There’s no way out. You were completely helpless against this profane brute’s torment.

You just wanted this to stop.

Noisy hiccups you couldn’t control escaped and you sobbed harder as you walked, periodically scrubbing your face with the back of your hands. Fortunately the monster was silent as he strolled next to you with his face towards the sky and didn’t taunt you for the time being.

You arrived outside your new condominium’s lobby doors. You had chosen a densely populated location in the middle of the city, hoping the presence of other people might dissuade the evils of the night. All that effort of moving was in vain. The creature found you in a matter of days since you left your last nest.

“You can’t come through here.” Now that you started, it was easier to speak your mind again. Even if you knew you were powerless to stop him from doing whatever he desired, you had to let this thing know how unwanted his company was.

“As you wish.”

Your surprise must have been evident, but you took the opportunity to close the door on the vampire’s face. When you turned around to look back through the heavy glass doors, he was already gone.

You slumped against the closed door of your unit, almost falling asleep right by the entrance. You were so tired. 

Somehow, you found the energy to shower. The steamy water felt heavenly on your weary flesh. Upon exiting the bathroom, you found the creature haunting your nightmares squeezed onto your couch, rays of moonlight casting sharp shadows on the deathly pale features. Spooked by the unforeseen return of the vampire, you couldn’t help but squeak in fright despite the ridiculous sight of him crammed into your furniture.

"Don't you need permission to enter? You're not welcome here," you said with contempt, trying to present a bravery you didn’t feel.

"Fairy tales,” he shrugged.

You stayed anxiously in the corner at first as he poked around your apartment, hoping to maintain as much distance as possible before you followed him in frustration, upset with your inability to stop him from doing anything. You remembered the way he held you down as a shadow and nearly suffocated you, his dozens of arms and the horror of his thousands of eyes. Why was this thing here?

Just go away. Let me be.

He stopped in front of your bookshelves to study the contents with interest. "A fine collection." 

Having completed his inspection of whatever he was searching for, the giant creature turned around unexpectedly and smiled. You tensed and immediately took steps backwards as he stalked silently towards you. Your heart was in your throat, pounding fiercely as your back hit the edge of an icy granite counter. Still, you didn’t dare take your eyes off this beast.

There were no thuds nor swooshing of fabrics. This unholy creature almost seemed to float towards you, the feral pools of his eyes glowing with crimson delight as he approached. You ceased breathing as he passed.

He switched to a loping gait past the dining table and through the living room, striding past several unopened boxes of belongings until he reached the window. Then he walked through it and was out of your home.

You shouted and rushed to the window to peer outside. There was nothing there except the sleepy skyline of London at rest, illuminated by the gentle light of the full moon. 

The nightmare was over for tonight, until the next time he came to haunt you…

~To be Continued~

Notes: Just a reminder that Alucard can be very creepy and a huge dick, but no matter what he does, he is always super dramatic, including his entrances or exits. I find him lots of fun to write, whether Alu is being a creep, troll, badass, or soft, especially since I can see him being in any of these moods.

A Night for Hunting Ch.22 -Hell on Earth

C/W: Alucard (Ultimate) x F!Reader, Millennium, Nazis, canon-typical violence WC: 5256

I’m trying to control my bad habit of switching perspectives within a scene, which I used to do liberally when it was between only Alucard and the Reader. It was an easy and quick way to include Alucard’s POV as well. But from here on, the Reader only knows what she knows, so I’ll behave myself…

The Millennium characters are some of the hardest to write since they’re like caricature villains at their best. I don't even like the Millennium cast besides the Captain.

Excerpt under the cut

Your gaze roamed the crowd of warmongers onstage. The Major, a brutal looking woman covered in tattoos holding a scythe, the Doc, the boy with cat ears. Your eyes paused on a behemoth of a man. He was as tall as Alucard. Shaggy white hair peeked out, but his features were otherwise obscured by a cap. You felt his gaze and suppressed a chill. 

Horrifying power wasn’t necessarily evil. It was simply horrifying. But these Nazis, they were evil. And there were few things in the world as dangerous as people who believed they were right.

"And why am I here?”

"What a question. I did not expect Alucard to suffer a daft woman. You are here to be a witness to our drill. That is, after you help us invite Alucard to participate.”

All this was...training? The callous truth was worse than the assumption that you were only to be the hostage who lures Alucard to wherever their prepared ‘battlefield’ would be.

The Major liked to monologue. One of those self-important men who talked a lot, but said very little. “We have allies throughout the world who would join our cause. Decades of painstaking data collection to engineer ever greater troops. We have built monsters, though we aim towards true Midians. Train them, equip them, and command them. No longer is simple warfare adequate for our needs. Gentlemen, I call for a Great War, worthy of one in Hell itself. We are the Letzte Battalion!”

“Krieg, krieg!” The crowd chanted.

“Yes, then war it is… I expect the world to burn.”

In the calm before the storm, suddenly you saw him for what he was. The Major was only a man. Once upon a time, he was human, and like many others, he desired the powers and temptations of immortality. He may be the worst yet, arrogant beyond imagination and ambitious. Alone he was no match for Alucard, but how many vampires did he have in this army?

You were not strong in body, but words were a weapon you wielded well. The Nazis did not respect meekness. Neither could you be brazen in your disrespect. This was almost a reminder of home, the games of Hellsing’s staff, except no one was here to defend you at all. The atrium was silent after the delivery of the Major’s speech. The vampires below thrummed with soundless anticipation for the war to come.

"He isn't a monster, you are," you said, braving the Major's mercurial moods by stating the truth.

~To be Continued~

Ch.23 -The Art of War

You know how Madara's susano'o has two faces? So he can see behind him so no one can stab him in the back anymore? Like Hashirama did? Doesn't it make you want to cry?

Wish I knew how to paint figures..AmikArtest showed me this from another seller and did a search.

Can not get it painted already.

a bit late

EVERYBODY SHUT UP AND LEAVE WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING IT'S MADARA'S BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

🥳🥳🥳🥳🥰💕🎂🍰😫