See? He Can Be Nice Sometimes 💓

Captain

Never once missed leg day... Or any body parts day.

I'm pretty sure their dicks have muscles too.

* I haven't tapped into the comics much, so this post is about the movie boys.

Madara's Best Friend

If Madara and the others in this post lived under different circumstances, I think it makes more sense for Madara to be ‘best friends’ with either Tobirama or Gai. They are more compatible with Madara than Hashirama. Not considering Izuna as Madara’s best friend since that wouldn’t be fair. Izuna probably knew Madara better than Madara knew his own hand. No I don’t ship Mads with Hashirama, Tobirama, Izuna, or Gai, but seeing wholesome MadaGai comics made me think how this entire time, those artists had a point.

Hashirama

Others have discussed this extensively, but while Hashirama is the only one who can fight Madara as an equal, he wasn’t a good friend to Madara. Beyond the initial founding of Konoha, which stemmed from a genuine desire for peace and wanting a better future for young ones, Hashirama was selfish in his motivations for why he wanted Madara to stay in Konoha. It was always about the village for Hashi. There was never genuine reflection about Madara’s concerns or consideration for his well-being, even when Madara was basically screaming for help in his own way. Hashirama was also not even close to Madara on an intellectual level. Not that I think Hashirama was the total airhead he liked to present himself as. On the contrary, I think he was often quite manipulative when he pretended to be dumber than he is. But whereas Madara had the capacity to foresee far into the future the issues about shinobi villages due to their social structures, Hashirama was set on his ideals of what the village must be like and unwilling to stand up to defend his ‘friend’ Madara. And then he killed his best friend over his flawed beliefs once Madara no longer played by his rules.

I think Hashirama would only be suitable for being Madara’s true sparring partner/rival, even if Gai would exuberantly declare himself ‘rival’ anyways.

Tobirama

This only applies if Tobirama left Izuna alone.

Tobirama tried to make the village work. And to his credit, the village worked. It survived well into the future thanks to social structures and policies enacted by Tobirama. Tobirama was the one who propped up the village and ensured it ran smoothly after its founding, not so much Hashirama, even if Tobi’s ways eventually lent themselves to the dark underbelly of Konoha that Madara foresaw. The intentions were noble, even if his methods flawed.

If neither Tobi nor Hashi killed Izuna, Izuna would likely have survived until much later. If Madara was somehow convinced for a truce and to build a village anyways, Izuna at his side would be a much more level-headed negotiator than Madara and would ensure the treaty was fair to the other founding clan, the Uchiha, too. If the canon events had been even slightly different, I believe there was ample opportunity for the Uchiha to thrive as well. The entire story could have been so different.

Despite the abundant past misgivings between the Uchiha and Senju, I believe Madara and Tobirama could be friends who respect each other if Izuna lived and they were all working on Konoha together. They are much closer intellectually, quieter and more introspective, would be able to bounce more realistic ideas off each other, maybe invent new jutsu together. Tobirama was pragmatic and logical, which could be a better foil to Madara than Hashirama, who seemed to often drive Madara to extreme emotion.

Gai

This lovely cinnamon bun is among the purest characters in Naruto. There isn’t a single vile or dark thing about him. Even his teeth are shiny. He would be so good for Madara and his mental wellbeing, like he was for Kakashi. Gai tried to hang out with Kakashi when the Copy Cat was traumatized by multiple deaths so he wouldn’t be alone, protected Kakashi when he was distracted on a mission and almost got killed, and was just there when needed. Even when he was pushed away repeatedly, Gai never gave up on his friend.

If Madara had a real friend in Gai like Kakashi did, one who will be present and support his buddies through anything, who knows? I’m sure the grouchy hermit Madara would resist and try to push this overbearing green beast away too, but that wouldn’t stop Gai’s insistence. The ridiculousness to ensue would have been a balm for Madara’s tortured soul. Both men’s dedication to the future generations and physical training are also bonding points. With someone who still cared for him, maybe Madara wouldn’t have gone down the path he did so readily? Madara was at a point of total isolation without Izuna and the support of his clan, an untrusted outcast left with no one who still wanted his protection when he abandoned Konoha. At that point, he didn’t have anyone to look out for his back. He was also abandoned. It’s really tragic.

Have a picture of happy Madara. It’s uncommon.

Recent commission. Peepaw doesn’t know how to use a phone

screenshots of the Captain [Hellsing Ultimate]

We have a talent sniffing out good boys and THIS! is a good boy. Maybe this is a bitter, messed-up world but remember, there are good boys out there. Learn to sniff them out, include them in your environment and make yourself happy✧

Madara and Birth Control HC

Birth control is more on you than him. He doesn’t like protection, preferring to go raw dog and feel all the textures of your walls, so condoms are out of the question. I also doubt proper condoms existed in this hot grandpa’s time

Madara likely relies on the (not very fool proof) pullout method. He’s always conflicted because his every instinct is to bury it deep and seed you well, but if he knows you don’t want to be pregnant at this time, he’ll do his best to not make a creampie between your legs

Doesn’t bother with traditional methods of birth control like the rhythm method, aka counting your menstrual cycle to track when you’re fertile. He likes children anyways and wouldn’t mind having some with you. He’s easily aroused, and once he gets going, there’s nothing that’ll stop him

Is open to more modern and reliable methods of BC. Actually he’s super happy if it means you’re more inclined to let him have you his way (read: creampie)

However, I’m convinced not even my method of contraception, an IUD, can fend off Madara’s powerful swimmers. I’m scared for your uterus, if you have one

If despite all your collective attempts at contraception, you still get knocked up, expect Madara to take full responsibility for his actions (horniness). This family man will take excellent care of you, not only when you’re pregnant, but during labour (he wouldn’t miss his baby’s birth for anything) and beyond as well. He’ll be so proud of you and the child, the precious life the two of you created together.

Madara is overprotective. He will be extremely involved in his child’s (and your) life and would provide everything for the two of you. He will be an excellent father

If you weren’t already married, he will try to correct that. How lucky! To be the baby mama and wife (?) to the best baby daddy!

I give up

Madara Romance HC Ramble

While I sometimes read (and enjoy) a MUCH more intense version of Madara than I would write for my own work, I strongly believe he would NOT BE DEGRADING or abusive to his S/O. He's all about love. Accuse me of wearing rose-tinted glasses, but here's my take.

Madara is difficult to write since he's so complex. He isn't some static character who's always optimistic, gloomy, violent, or whatever. He changes with time, growing more cynical and bitter as he lived through his tragic life and came to conclusions about the truths of the world. I will try to consolidate what we know about him and extrapolate that into what romance with Madara might generally be like.

Respects the S/O

It’s really easy to make him out to be arrogant and demeaning, or controlling. He's allowed to be arrogant when he's stronger than 99.99% of the world. Go re-watch his fight vs the Shinobi Alliance or the 5 Kage if you don’t think he has grounds for arrogance. He is simultaneously the hardest on himself. He's extremely self-deprecating when reminiscing on his past failures and transgressions, both as a child and an adult in interactions with Hashirama. Part of him likely believes he doesn't deserve you or to be loved. Of course he would naturally cherish you when you finally become a part of his life. How could he constantly insult or degrade you?

He is 'controlling' in the sense that he likes knowing where you will be/your schedule. It helps him plan when he can spend time with you. It also better helps him keep you safe. Remember Madara is so strong because he wanted to protect what's important to him, but he didn’t even force his clan to follow him when they abandoned him. Madara wants people to CHOOSE him. He wouldn’t force you into things. He wouldn't beat or coerce you either, especially not when that was what was painfully done to him.

By the way, he'll remember those special dates better than you will.

Observant and Sensitive to S/O

During kid Madara’s 2nd meeting with Hashirama, he was able to tell Hashi was feeling down from behind before even talking. And then Mads repeatedly tried to get him to spill what was bothering him in an attempt to console a potential enemy shinobi! Deep down, Madara is a kind sweetheart. He'll be there for you when you need him and there in the background when you don't realize it. He will support you in your endeavors through thick and thin.

He absolutely teases you though, in good faith. Whatever he’s mocking you about is one of your quirks that endears you to him, not something he actually judges you negatively for. The same cheekiness from his younger days is still alive in him somewhere. Don’t worry, he won't roast you as hard as he can where he knows it hurts. Hmm unless you're in a bad fight and he's feeling REALLY petty, then I can maybe see him doing that. His words could cut more than his fists.

Almost a Different Person with His Loved Ones

This is another reason he’s hard to write. While there’s no doubt he can be terrifying (which was how almost everyone in the world saw him), he can be kind of silly with those he’s closer to. He is indifferent or aloof with strangers. He was likely at least civil with others he had to deal with in public and condescending and/or hostile with those who gave him a reason to be. This man’s presence is felt wherever he goes, so of course the average person would have reason to find him intimidating.

In fact, you might occasionally find Madara intimidating too when he's in one of his moods or contemplative. It's how he is, even when not trying to be hostile or domineering. He's still softer with his loved ones than anyone outside his small inner circle. It would break his heart if you were truly afraid of him.

On the other hand, he may be awkward at times. His inability to effectively express his strong emotions to you frustrates him. He wishes he had a better grasp at social interactions, in particular when it comes to you. This guy is just too intense and doesn't know how to chill. 

Cherishes the S/O

He doesn't have much preference when it comes to appearances (body type, skin, hair colour, etc). He wants someone who's easy enough on the eyes? But beyond that, looks are superficial to him. Some people think he is vain because of how he mocked Hashi and his bowl cut/fashion sense. But really? We all know Mads held Hashirama in higher regards than he did anyone else. Madara connects through more intangible traits like values, the mind, strength, and such. He’d enjoy whatever fell out of your clothes if he loves you and doesn’t understand stuff like body insecurities. His "type" would be someone who is family-oriented, placing their children and kin above other priorities, someone who likewise supports him and wants to build a life with him. And someone who can challenge him a little.

Madara is loyal. He values his bonds and was honest until the end. Once you're his, he's also yours. You'd be super precious to him, the light of his life kind of thing. Your presence in his life inspires him to be better than he is.

I love how the fandom as a whole has agreed that Alucard isn’t compensating, it’s to scale

A Night for Hunting Ch.8- The Currency of the Soul

T/W: Alucard (Ultimate) x F!Reader, thirsty vampire, seduction Words: 2459 On AO3 @alastorhazbin

The smoke was thick in a somber, cavernous room which was only illuminated by moonlight through colossal windows. It twirled lazily before dissipating to join the silvery haze shrouding the rest of the room.

A lone figure stood by the immense desk, taking an extended draw on the cigar she then rolled between two fingers. Her exhale cut through the silence. What a massive headache her bureaucratic position brought. Nearly nothing was made easier by her servant. Sure, loosing him on enemies brought a quick demise to anyone who opposed Hellsing, but the Vampire frequently created almost more trouble than he was worth.

“You summoned me, my Master?” A deep, inhuman voice appeared from nothing and resonated through the space. 

An inky puddle of shadow emerged from the carpet, writhing and twisting into an overly long figure, one with pitch black hair that fell straight to the floor. Lanky arms reached past its knees as it removed its fedora hat in a courtly bow. A gleaming vermilion stare pierced the darkness to regard the one who earned its respect long ago and now commands its loyalty.

Integra’s eyes narrowed at the creature before her. As dramatic and unsettling as ever, but some things will never change. 

“You are to explain your actions last night, Alucard,” she demanded with the dignity of royalty.

“Protecting London."

“Your rampage was not sanctioned. Do you know how much damage you caused the area around an important architectural treasure?”

He shrugged with a nonchalant expression. “Tower Bridge was not compromised.”

She stabbed out the cigar on her desk, crushing it in the process of creating a new circular burn on the sumptuous wood. “Then do you realize how many civilians heard the commotion?! We at Hellsing operate under the guise of a paramilitary organization. We depend on the public’s ignorance of the supernatural and you are inciting them to furor–”

"Do you order me to cease my activities?"

“...”

Her brow twitched in irritation. Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing was certain she would die one day from a ruptured aneurysm due to her servant’s actions and not via any interaction with other lesser undead. She took out another cigar to help compose herself and her butler lit the end.

"No. A vampire’s nest was successfully exterminated. Do as you will, as long as your activities do not detract from your assigned missions."

Dracula grinned. "As you wish, my Master," he hissed in satisfaction.

--------------------

He came to you again one night when you were preparing dinner at home. There was knocking at the door and you put the ladle down in surprise when his voice touched your mind.

Permission to enter, Sweet?

It was him. You tugged the door open and awkwardly stood there staring at him, not knowing how to act since the truth that he did in fact save you came to light. You still experienced insomnia and night terrors from what you went through that night, but remembering the way Alucard kept you safe and tethered to reality afterwards made it more bearable. You shivered at the recollection of how you woke up earlier today.

“Permission to enter?” He repeated himself. 

His question jolted you from your reverie. Turning demure doe eyes from his crimson, you stepped aside and let him in before shutting yourself in with a vampire.

He held a bouquet. Show-stopping lilies in red and white with orange stardust speckling the petals opened to the heavens, which were offset by the romantic whorls of the red rose. Red really was his colour. Dramatic. Like he was loudly making a declaration. 

You blinked and commented without a hint of a sardonic tone. You were genuinely curious. “I recall you had disparaging words to say about flowers and bouquets.”

His grin was less eerie and off-putting than you remembered. "You seem to favour the living dead, thus I decided that I too will try my hand."

He really was proposing what you assumed. You loved flowers, but your favouring of the living dead? Memories resurfaced of a terrifying ordeal, where a monster from hell with razor sharp teeth hunted you through deserted streets, except it was with Alucard’s face. There were gunshots and bleeding. There was death and you sat in the midst of an extremely sad scene of pain and suffering. Wait, it was long ago, but the creature in front of you did chase you for sport once upon a time. After what he did…

He wasn’t the same monster as that other one. It seemed more apt to say that the living dead had a way of finding you.

With slow, hesitant hands, you accepted his gift and set it in a vase with fresh water. The vampire made a sound of satisfaction and headed over to ‘his’ seat. He took out his guns, which caught your attention and your eyes tracked his deliberate movements. He removed the magazines and set them down on the coffee table with a heavy metallic thud before leaning back to observe you.

He was disarming himself? As if he needed his weapons to threaten you. But at least you now knew why he possessed guns. After another moment of staring back, you turned away to continue preparing your dinner.

“I’m making pumpkin puree soup with stuffed chicken tonight.”

“Sounds appetizing.” 

Strange, perhaps vampires did eat human food unlike what the legends said? “I suppose I have enough for two if you’d like to try some.”

There was one food item for Alucard in the vicinity. She was standing right in front of him offering to feed him chicken instead. He chuckled. “I am well-sated tonight, little one.”

Did Alucard have a home chef prepare his breakfast of bloody gourmet dishes? Trying to picture this was mildly comical for some reason. Maybe he bit random people on the street before he came here? Or perhaps he had arrangements with a private blood bank where he ordered his favourite blood types. Why were you spending so much time considering his meal habits? Whatever they were, the answer probably wasn’t something you wanted to know anyways. And no, you weren’t upset that a vampire wasn’t interested in eating your homemade food.

“Suit yourself,” you replied flippantly. 

Soon enough, you became immersed in your cooking and forgot about your company and his hobby of watching you go about your night. You stuck an immersion blender in the pot to puree the soup. You started humming songs you couldn’t vacate from your head lately. After checking the temperature on the meat and taking it out to rest, you rinsed the garnish and prepared to chop it.

The melody was soothing. Ahh…the innocence of a lily indeed. They suited you well. Alucard tracked you around the kitchen and relaxed into his seat.

You suddenly remembered who you were with and lifted your gaze to catch your guest’s, which was of course already fixed in your direction, staring with lidded eyes, his posture and expression at ease.

…The darkness was oozing out of him and flowing along the wall and floor. The jagged shapes danced, the red-rimmed patterns constantly shifting in evolution between one moment and the next. It was actually quite mesmerizing and beautiful. What felt like several minutes passed. It was almost like the old times when he first visited, except this current experience was much less scary. He suddenly spoke. 

“Smells heavenly, sweet human.”

You jumped at his unexpected voice and the knife passed deep through the membrane of flesh between two digits where they connected. You could probably hear the sound of a pin dropping as the energy in the room shifted. Neither of you said anything.

You saw his pupils dilate and his gaze following the ruby rivulets trickling down your hand where the flesh was cleaved open almost down to the knuckle. The sharp pain didn’t register. You were too focused on the way he watched the flow and your heart began to gallop. You shielded your injury with the other hand as the drips pooled on the cutting board.

“Umm.”

"Sweet, allow me to assist with that." 

He was before you in an instant, taking your wrist into his grip and licking his lips. You gasped in shock and attempted to pry your arm from him unsuccessfully, wincing at the searing pain. A vampire faced with a banquet of blood. Danger. The stench of your fear quickly permeated the air and you glanced up in distress. 

"I promise I will not bite. I will only take what your wound gifts me," he told you softly, though those glowing scarlet orbs betrayed his excitement. 

You looked on with your heart in your throat as Alucard lowered his towering frame to his knees and peered up at you as his tongue slid out. It was unnerving to have the cold, wet appendage laving leisurely up the trail of your life essence from the wrist to your wound, where it dipped lightly into the broken flesh and circled around, making you hiss in discomfort. 

Your other fist balled up with apprehension. You forgot to release your bated breath as the vampire repeated the motions around his chosen path. Your jaw clenched as that muscle continued to extend and he pressed more of its length against the tear.

The licking stayed gentle.

You were still tense as you distantly noticed the pain retreating. And then there was purring. Heavy purring, the likes of which you’d never heard from this creature before.

"You...are a virgin," he breathed. He lapped at your blood again in wonder, though your scent alone was already unmistakable. 

"What's that got to do with anything?" You asked with a tiny voice, attempting half-heartedly to tug your hand from him again. 

Alucard’s interest was piqued. He had a taste last year, but that was only a miniscule amount compared to what he received from you now. You were so lovely, how was it that you remained untouched, unplundered? He nearly couldn't believe you were still a virgin. He was correct to call you “sweet.” The ambrosia coating his tongue invaded all his senses. His eyes travelled down your frame with a lascivious leer, his gaze darkening. 

But your anxiety was thick.

"Don't be afraid, little one. I will not hurt you," he promised with another purr. He kept licking at your wound with purposeful laps to help the flesh heal. It was getting difficult to contain his fangs. He sensed the blood under your skin rushing to your face. You were flustered. He smiled.

You were wet from the feeding. A brief fantasy flashed by. He was on top of you, your naked bodies entangled in passion. What would it feel like for him to plunge his stiff organ through your heated walls? Or his tongue? It was so long. A flush of heat raced to your groin.

You tensed and reprimanded yourself, but it was already too late. That grin looked extraordinarily pleased. It seemed he was made aware of your mind’s fancy. Oh no. 

The cursed creature made a show of inhaling and gave your hand back. The skin was bright pink where the cut was. If it weren’t for the numbing effect of the vampire’s doing, the wound would certainly still be tender.

Alucard rose gracefully to his full height with a suggestive, glittering stare. “That need not remain a mere fantasy,” he whispered, the lights once again catching his features in all the correct ways. His nose was tall and aristocratic. His tongue came out to clean up any escaped blood from his lips with agonizingly slow licks.

You clutched your hand and stared at his lips, fully aware this was also part of his ploy to seduce you. Ancient vampires like him were probably supposed to be alluring. You stood frozen like a deer caught in the headlights.

Alucard wanted you regardless of whether you had experience, but after tasting you and knowing there had never been anyone between your legs…he growled. He was used to bedding humans. He will make your body sing from this debauchery, such that you will never seek another partner.

“All your needs and desires will be fully realized. Let your darkest dreams descend.” His voice was deadly quiet, but somehow you heard it booming through your consciousness all the same.

The rumbling growl stirred something. Again, the image of Alucard moving through your core while your legs entwined blossomed in mind. Another string of nectar dribbled from between your petals to pool within your underwear. His eyes flashed.

That mysterious energy unfurled once more and his power engulfed you. You could hardly breathe as you took in his tented trousers and blown pupils. He must be fully erect.

How Alucard wanted to tempt you into depravity with him. He picked your hand back up gingerly. "Allow me to return this favour," he murmured. "You will enjoy what I do."

Everything in this moment was crystal clear. It was like Alucard’s presence sharpened your awareness, heightening the sensation of everything around you. You knew the vampire’s touch was supposed to be frigid despite the gloves, but he was like fire. His crimson gaze was molten flames, hot and erotic. Your skin was set ablaze while your loins roiled with heat. 

What was happening to you?

His purr vibrated again. No, it was more a cross between a purr and a growl. Your legs shook from the sound.

You were flustered by his beguiling appearance, the noises he made, and his eccentricities. You were conflicted by the conundrum that was this devilish beast. He looked like a man, but his mannerisms were at times more animal than civilized. Still, you found him attractive. 

When did these dark desires come to secretly possess you?

You recalled when he was last in your kitchen and he propositioned you for sex then too. That was the first time you noticed how exquisite this monster was.

But he didn’t manage to fully melt away your defences. "I don't want to," you whimpered and clenched your eyes. “Please stop this,” you begged.

A pause.

Alucard sighed, but his smile returned quickly as he straightened out to his full height. 

Where were his manners? He hailed from the Middle Ages after all. He should not forget his courtly manners and press a lady for intercourse without doing his due diligence. He will have to win your affection and earn the privilege of bedding you. 

His grin was brazen as he caressed the back of your injured hand and stooped into a proper formal bow as if he was still a human nobleman, pressing a delicate kiss to your hand.

"My Lady, then please allow me the chance to court you properly."

~To be Continued~

Next Chapter: Courtship

Notes: To be honest, Alucard should be able to tell that she’s a virgin with just a whiff and a taste from last year when he licked up the scrapes to her legs in Chapter 1, but let’s just say he needed a larger quantity of blood to be certain, for plot’s sake.

The next chapter has been rolling around in my head for months! It should be fun.

A walk through a park in my city last autumn