Cerberus: DAD DAD LOOK MOM GAVE US A FLOWER CROWN

Hades: ...Thanatos, did you leave the gaping chasm open again?

Thanatos: No. *He lied.*

Hades: Then why is Cerberus outside?

Thanatos: Come on Hades, he's hardly going to get hit by a car-. Wait... shit.

john: i wanna be taken out

brian: like, on a date or by a hitman?

john: either one would be fine

From “Soft Spoken Spells: Poems for Your Inner Witch” by Nichole McElhaney

Thanatos, texting Hades: Are we still on for today?

Hades: Yes. You don't need to text me this every morning.

Hades: We are still "on" for work every day, Monday-Sunday.

Persephone: Ah, Thanatos! I've been looking for you. Hades and I are expecting-

Thanatos: AAAAA BABIES?! OH MY GOD! I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU TWO! I CANT WAIT TO WATCH THEM GROW! PLEASE CAN I NAME IT!!!!!???

Persephone: I was going to say a package but I’ll go tell Hades that.

Poseidon: I woke up with my shoes on but my pants were in the fish tank

Those are the prettiest eyes in this universe.

Change my mind.

Asra picking up a call: hello?

Julian calling Asra: I need help, it’s MC

Asra: what’s wrong!?

Julian: well, ever since they got their memories back, they’ve been saying strange things

Asra: what kinds of things?

Julian: well once they yelled about a potion bottle being empty, and then they threw it across the room screaming “yeet”??

Asra: … Jul-

Julian: and another time we were at the market and they screamed “fuck yo chicken strips”?? and they’ve also been doing this weird motion with their arms and calling it a dab?? do you think Lucio is trying to possess them or-

Asra: calm down Julian, I think I know what’s wrong

Julian close to crying: what is it!?

Asra: I think they have Ligma

Julian: Ligma?? I’ve never heard of that, what is it!?

Asra: lig-ma-nuts!!

MC who has been listening in behind julian: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Julian: *SCREAMS*

freddie : it’s saint patrick’s day. the holiday of my people.

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

brian : you’re not Irish.

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

freddie : binge drinkers.

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

roger, from across the room : aMEN!

john: rog, i need you to calm down-

roger: *slams fist on table* BUT HOW CAN IT BE ‘BIRTHDAY CAKE’ FLAVOR IF BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR