So I've Been On And Off Adhd Meds For A Bit

“I think hell is something you carry around with you. Not somewhere you go.”

— Neil Gaiman, The Sandman

Wilted Flowers

They’re pretty, but I’m afraid to touch them— I know they’ll crumble the moment I do.

I think they’re beautiful. Beautiful because they don’t last. Beautiful because they’re broken.

And I like shattered glass: the way it reflects anything you shine on it, the way I can see myself in the pieces— not whole, but fragmented.

I know I’ll bleed when I reach to touch it, drip the contents of my heart across smooth faces and edges that seldom forget.

And I like coffee. I drink it with cream to soften the bitterness. But I never add sugar— too much sweetness makes me sick.

It keeps me up when I should be asleep, telling secrets I should’ve kept, dreading the grinds at the bottom of the cup.

But I guess some things aren’t meant to be held for long— they bruise, or cut, or run out the moment you reach out to hold them.

I don’t mind so much.

Because wilted flowers aren’t soft... but they are pretty.

Mom walks in: why are you crying?

Me: life's hard

Mom: are you trying to be funny with me? *begins yelling*

Why thank you mother i think im funny as well :p

Tw sui talk and attempt

Me having to support my boyfriend after I tried to kms and apologising.

Am I selfish for wanting to scream that mabye it was harder for me??

Am I selfish for wanting the tiniest bit of support??

Like im sorry I tried to kill myself but obviously im going through some shit.

He then proceeded to dump on me how he was sucicudial and acted like he got it

I'd been suicidal for as long as I can remember

Im sorry me killing myself fucked with him I really am

But I feel like he didn't even bother to consider that mabge it fuxked with me

Mabye I get flashbacks and panic attacks because of it

"Oh my fine!" Yeah please excuse me while I go did through my mother's medicine cabinet to collect pills and stick a pencil sharpener into my leg.

Haha me every day

If only they knew....

If they only knew....

"everything will be alright" yeah maybe after I die

"How do you cope with your disorders?"

I don't.