Tim: Hey Dad How Do I File My Taxes?

tim drake headcannons

- has dark circles under his eyes not even due to sleep deprivation, it’s just genetics. And every one always tell him to get more sleep but he’s like «  no I sleep 12 hours a day I just look like this! »

- googled « am I narcoleptic or just severely depressed » He never really figured that one out

- greatest skill is procrastinating, its not a problem if he’s good at it.

- plays piano

- will randomly ask Bruce “ are you mad at me” and then Bruce will say “ no of course not- why did you do something you shouldn’t have” and Tim’s like “ no I just wanted to check » cause he overthinks.

- eats and drinks most things out of mugs, his family or friends will tell him to stop drinking coffee and he’s like «  I’m eating goldfish, what do you think I’ve been chewing »

- has really big eyes, and kinda stares at people a lot without saying things so they are either thinking «  aww he’s so cute » or «  why is he looking at me, it’s like he’s staring into my soul, can he read my mind! Why is he still looking at me!! »

DpxDc #8

Sleeping like the dead.

Danny has died and came back.

He obviously knows that, his friends and sister know that, but he may have forgotten the consequences of it.

Mainly, his now numerous “health issues” that other people (outside of Amity) would find… worrying.

That’s why he was denied access to the space program, or why the universities denied him scholarships, fearing he might not actually be able to finish their programs.

Danny didn’t really want to ask his parents for money either.

He knew they didn’t have a savings account for him, and he was actually trying to distance himself from them when he saw them finally keeping their promise of tearing apart ghosts “molecule by molecule”.

Lots of jobs wouldn’t hire him because of his “health conditions”, so he decided to leave Amity Park and travel to Gotham.

Getting help from Tucker, he found out about a grandfather (on his father’s side) who lived there and, after contacting him, offered Danny a place to stay until he found a job.

The address brought him to an… absolutely gigantic mansion, his jaw dropped to the floor as he stared at it.

Smiling at him, an old man with a sharp mustache offered Danny his hand.

“It is lovely to meet you, Danny. Certainly a surprise, but a welcome one.”

Danny smiled back, shaking it.

Alfred Pennyworth had a son, once. A son who decided to cut him off after college due to his growing obsession with the occult.

It was later that he found employment with the Waynes, missing his son every day and, admittedly, projecting a little on Bruce, loving him as his own.

After decades of silence, his apparent nephew contacted him out of the blue, asking for help.

Nobody could blame him for jumping at the occasion, so it was like this that (DNA test confirmed it) Danny Pennyworth Fenton started his training as a butler in Wayne Manor.

------------------------------------------------

It wasn't much later that Alfred noticed something wrong with the boy.

The slow breathing, the pale skin and occasional twitching.

Introducing him to the Waynes was chaos, as expected, but a couple of weeks later, everybody behaved like Danny had always been there, which was nice.

And, soon enough, there were more people noticing his nephew's odd behaviors.

On top of everything observed before, they noticed the nose bleeds, the way his skin would take a blue tint to it, the way he wouldn't use his left arm for a day or two...

Then one night, Alfred peered Danny's door open, like he did for every guest in the house, and he saw him.

His nephew, under the covers, perfectly still...

His eyes, unseeing but open wide...

His jaw slack and his skin cold...

timothy the teetotaler kills me. hes a DARE kid. dumping out his roommates alcohol and threatens to get him expelled. i know he acts like someones pulled a gun whenever they take out a joint and it will never not be funny. his idol is dick "lets all try cocaine!" grayson.

we've been living in this apartment for two months now, and while we've observed most of our new neighbours (my slavic Windowsill Watcher Grandmother gene already activated), I don't think they had the chance to see us often enough to recognise us yet.

I do know, however, from my observations, that the tiny funny dog upstairs is called Gucio. I've passed him once or twice during his walk and heard his owners use the name - and, while both the dog and his owners are oblivious to our existence, Gucio became an apt topic of discussion in our house. you know, we hear barking, ha, that's Gucio, he must be home alone again! or there's a stick left by the building door, that must have been brought by Gucio and he was forced to abandon it before entering! a household name, really.

yesterday as I was leaving to go to the store, walking down the narrow staircase, there he is! tiny funny looking dog, slightly startled by me suddenly appearing on the floor he just reached on his tiny funny looking legs.

"good morning Gucio!" I say joyfully, the most natural thing in the world.

well. remember that Gucio doesn't really know me. so he looks at me in the most flabbergasted way a dog can look at a person. he is positively aghast. agog! not sure how aware dogs are of their own names but he seemed genuinely puzzled at the apparent stretch of social convention.

and as I try to contain my laughter, I see his owner standing on the stairs below. the woman is sort of awkwardly frozen, speechless, and she looks at me.

"you... know each other?" she asks.

is that not the funniest way to phrase it. is this not the funniest question she could have asked. ma'am do you know my dog? you went to school together perhaps? you've met? do tell, are you old friends? maybe you worked together? you know each other, my dog and you? this dog? you know him? he knows you? he never mentioned you I'm afraid

Uh lesbians

Peter always hiding his injuries cause they’re usually from fighting villains, and one day he gets attacked while as Peter Parker and it makes the news but he still goes to an event (cause he’s always either missing them or showing up late cause of his Spidey stuff so he tries to show when he can)

And his friends, who just saw him get injured on tv, are watching him walk around, slightly hunched over, a bit pale and shaky, trying to pretend he’s not injured, and are all realizing with various levels of horror that Peter actually always looks like that, so how often is he showing up to events hella injured??

Tim: Can you imagine the food they eat in jail? Bleh!

Dick: Don't need to imagine, it's disgusting.

Jason: When did you try prison food?!

Dick: When I was 8.

Tim, scoffing: If you commited a crime I'm pretty sure there'd be hundreds of articles about it, I didn't see any when I was researching you.

Dick: Oh! I didn't commit a crime.

Jason: Why the fuck would you be in Juvie if you didn't commit a crime?

Dick: Orphanages were full.

Everyone:

Jason: The hell?

Tim: I'm calling a lawyer, that has to be illegal.

Damian, in the vent: I can't believe this city's incompetence.

Dick: I can. Now get down here.

Damian: Fine.

Au where Jason Todd is sacrificed to the King of the Infinite Realms and, upon realizing Danny isnt actually interested in human sacrifice nonsense, immediately shoots his shot

Like this man has been reading romance novels for as long as he can remember and he absolutely refuses to let this set up go to waste. He has a strange new world, a kind but powerful king, a castle, and big ass fucking library right there.

Too bad his family didn’t get the memo and reverse summoned him back too early.

———

Jason: *finally seduced Danny and is about to initiate the “frantic sex after weeks of pining” portion of the plot*

Jason: *is summoned back*

Jason: *has hickies all over his neck, claw marks down his back, unzipped pants, and no belt*

Jason: …

Jason: I hate all of you, you cockblocking motherfuckers. I had him right there! I could have been his husband. HUSBAND!!!!!

Bruce:

Tim:

Dick: …looks like you’ve been having a better few weeks than we have.

Damian: Father, I believe this is sufficient proof for removing Todd from the family.

Jason: IF YOU FUCKING WAITED I COULD HAVE HAD A DIFFERENT ONE

Tim: sorry that we worried about you being at the mercy of an all powerful ruler of the dead???

Jason: *sighs with heart eyes* god I fucking wish. His eyes are so pretty when he’s angry 💕

Damian: Brother, I request the uppies

Dick: okay? *picks Damian up*

Damian: *turns to Tim* Observe and weep, foolish mortal, for I have achieved your greatest dreams with nothing but a mere order. Bask in my greatness and despair, for I will take everything you ever desired, I will achieve such feats your name will be nothing but a footnote in my legend. Fear me, insect, for I have become everything you cannot, I am the superior Robin and, once these imbeciles understand this fact, you will receive what you deserve.

Tim: *drinks tea while leaning on a wall* big words for a toddler that just asked for "uppies"

Damian:...

Dick: now, there's no need to be mean, I'm sure Damian just wanted to make some conversation...

*devolves into argument*

Jason: *sitting on desk* this is pretty much the reason I keep coming to the cave

Steph: *eats popcorn* seriously, this is golden

Jason: ohh~ Bruce is going over

Steph: oho! this is getting good

Alfred: *drinks tea* indeed