Damian: Brother, I request the uppies
Dick: okay? *picks Damian up*
Damian: *turns to Tim* Observe and weep, foolish mortal, for I have achieved your greatest dreams with nothing but a mere order. Bask in my greatness and despair, for I will take everything you ever desired, I will achieve such feats your name will be nothing but a footnote in my legend. Fear me, insect, for I have become everything you cannot, I am the superior Robin and, once these imbeciles understand this fact, you will receive what you deserve.
Tim: *drinks tea while leaning on a wall* big words for a toddler that just asked for "uppies"
Damian:...
Dick: now, there's no need to be mean, I'm sure Damian just wanted to make some conversation...
*devolves into argument*
Jason: *sitting on desk* this is pretty much the reason I keep coming to the cave
Steph: *eats popcorn* seriously, this is golden
Jason: ohh~ Bruce is going over
Steph: oho! this is getting good
Alfred: *drinks tea* indeed
I feel like we as a fandom don’t talk enough about how much girls Tim picks up, like this man pulls
I see this and I raise you, Tim flirting with the reporters and just rizzing them up accidently
Hes like so smooth that the reporter —be it a forty year old man or a woman in her twenties— is just like in love with him after interviews and It’s not even something he tries to do, he just talks like that
It’s a meme, he’s like internet famous and it’s because he got a famously super calm and collected reporter guy twirling his hair (very off putting because he’s bald) and giggling at everything he says
“Is slade wilsons thing for dick grayson a sex thing?” - the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 12,239 pages of heated debate,
Let it be known Jason Todd grins like an absolute dumbass at any baby he sees
it’s a batkid tradition to memorise Bruce’s credit card number. when you join the family you get kidnapped and held hostage by the kids while the existing siblings drill you repeatedly until you can quote all the numbers like a soldier mindlessly responding to their drill sergeant. Bruce doesn’t find out this is a thing until theres a big case that requires some of the kids back up the JLA in a mission, but Duke hasnt slept for like three days so when Bruce barks at him to pay attention he snaps upwards like a sleeper agent to rattle off the entire card number by default. the table falls silent. Bruce furrows his brow.
Bruce: …wait. was that my credit card number?
Duke, instantly: im so sorry it was Dick’s fault i promise
Dick: HEY-
Barry: wait that was his credit card-? hey can you say it again-
Oliver: -also the pin,
Bruce: Barry, you know if you need help i am happy to-
Bruce, abruptly changing tune the second Oliver opened his mouth: -YOU can shut the fuck up i know exactly how much is in your bank right now-
Oliver: HEY I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS-
jason todd as my experience getting glasses:
Jason: *leans over to tim* what does that billboard say? tim: tim: damn, you blind as fuck jason: DID I ASK FOR THE SASS OR THE FUCKING BILLBOARD
jason: i can't find the paprika- alfred: it's right there, master jason stephanie: do you need your eyes checked? jason: i made an appointment seven months ago and it's still gonna be like five weeks from now stephL: i guess you're . . . . jason: don't you fucking say it, blondie steph: *whispers* blind as a bat jason: *running at her* im going to kill you
jason: what does that say? bruce: *frowns* you can't read that? jason: no i can im just asking---OBVIOUSLY FUCKING NOT
bruce: hey can you read that menu for damian, he's too short to see it jason: no i can't bruce: why not? tim: he's a blind old man jason: and people wonder why i tried to blow all y'all up
jason: i knew my years of obsessively reading no matter the light source or proximity to my face would simeday bite me in the ass. but i really thought it would be like, me walking off a building with my nose in a book or some shit. not having my eyeballs rebel against me. bruce: this is concerning on very many levels
jason: *goes to eye appointment* doctor: so when was your last visit to the eye doctor? jason: jason: um. never. doctor: . . . and, uh, regular doctor? do you have any paperwork from that at least? jason: *laughs* no. doctor: . . . birth certificate? jason: what do i look like, an adult? doctor: *staring up at the brick powerhouse in front of him* . . . yes? jason: *slaps knee* that's a good one. hang on, lemme call my brother. he can probably help seeing as when i was recently dead he was the one that filed all my paperwork and kept my birth certificate and all that shit. doctor: *having an aneurysm* recently dead-
jason: *reading letters off as doctor puts them on the screen* z . . . h . . . . p . . . q? . . . r . . . doctor: *winces* jason: you know i can still see your face right doctor: jason: why are we even doing this. im 100% sure i need the fucking glasses.
jason: *texting roy later* guess who's eyes worked just enough to see the supresssed winces on the doctors faces as they read off every other letter incorrectly roy: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH jason: your lack of sympathy is appalling
jason: *sends photo of himself in new glasses* roy: you're giving off . . . librarian in small town who knows everyone and their grandmother's grandmother but when asked not a single person in the town could tell your name jason: that was better than literally any other compliment anyone could have given me and i love you forever
jason: *walsk in wearing glasses* tim: ooooooooooo nerd jason: i hate this family
Once again thinking about the great joy that is Peter Parker accidentally giving off villain vibes
Current thoughts on that rn are some heroes trying to figure out some horrifying tech Oscorp has been putting out that’s going to cause so much catastrophe and through a series of events, Peter Parker gets pulled in to look at it
Peter just looks at it and immediately recognizes it and goes on this long winded speech about the beauty of the tech while everyone gets more and more uncomfortable
It eventually comes out that he personally worked on the original prototype before getting let go from Oscorp, and everyone’s tensing, thinking they’re about to have to fight a crazed scientist who wants this tech to go out, and they ask him why he was let go
Peter: Oh, because this tech is waaay too dangerous, I urged Norman to drop the project completely, even tried to get HR involved, but got fired instead, I mean, y’know, on paper they put a totally different reason to cover themselves, but it was obviously cause I went to HR 🙄
grug hate two factor authentication. first grug have to remember password. then grug have to point out which cave painting has birds. now they want grug to hunt and gather new thing called numbers. grug won’t do it grug miss the bird paintings grug was getting pretty good at birds.
a look into the mind of a person holding a horse
Stop fucking squirming. I am feeding you oats.