“starry Night” This, “café Terrace At Night” That, When Are We Going To Talk About “two Rats”

prophecy class cancelled due to foreseen circumstances

hey does anyone wanna do the funniest thing ever

reblog if youre an idiot. reblog if youre just a fucking fool.

it was not on wheat...

I extend my hand like a mob boss and allow you to kiss my ring but when you lean closer you see it's one of those glo-in-the-dark spider rings you win at arcades

The first time I heard an adult say the f word was when I was in fourth grade and we were doing some project that involved us baking cookies together as a class. My teacher Ms. Lindsey, who was real sweet, was demonstrating for everybody and she asked if anyone knew how to crack an egg, and I really didn’t know how to crack an egg, but I’m a go-getter, so I raised my hand and she called on me. I instantly knew I was in trouble at that point but I’d seen my dad crack eggs hundreds of times so I figured, ya know, it can’t be thaaaat hard. So I grab the egg but I have no sense of how softly you’re supposed to tap an egg to crack it, so I just slam it against the desk and splatter raw egg ten feet in every direction and my teacher said “what the fuck, Dion?”

“ummmmm ur bra strap is showing :/ ”

*holiday ghost sound*

oh shit. two more of those and im gonna have to start Changing My Ways

"Oh you had a plague? Come back to us when you had a World War, brand new unconventional weapons, and a new international order."