Lies

Lies

He was suppose to be dead…so how is Simon fucking Riley standing in front of you?

A/N: Guys these tik toks make my mind RUN! So her is another idea from this tik tok! Lost of heartache and angst so enjoy! 💙

“A broken heart is all that’s left.”

Warnings: ANGST, heartache, trauma, depression, mention of suicide, violance, swearing

simon x reader list

Months. Months you sat crying in the shower. Screaming into your pillow. Hell you fucking slapped Soap because of this. Because Simon Riley died. Died when he promised to come home, you didn’t eat or sleep right. Price would eventually pull you aside to take a holiday. Clear your mind.

You did and all you did was drink and smoked the left over cigarettes of his. To eventually go shop for more and pretend he was smoking them. You drank all his whiskey and your wine. Your parents came over to make sure you weren’t dead, that you decided to pull a Romeo and Juliet bullshit. You wouldn’t do that, you wouldn’t have taken your life.

Instead you drank until you didn’t feel the numbness. The sadness. The memories of both you and Simon. Simon plagued your mind, wanting his laugh to burst in the air. His voice. His hands. His kiss. Anything. So why not drink until you don’t remember the next day. You did this until going back into work.

Gaz would make sure you would be alright. Soap tried to make you laugh. Price made sure you wouldn’t run into the field killing yourself. Yet this was so much worse.

Price sat all of the task force down for a debriefing. Yet when the door opened it was him. Simon. Simon fucking Riley. Everyone froze, not because of him being alive, because they knew. They knew he would be alive. Nothing was said for a moment as you stared at him, waiting for him to say or move anything.

“Y/n,” Soap said closing the door behind him. You haven’t turned to him yet looking over the paperwork you had. “Do ya have a minute?”

You rolled your eyes, smirking. “John I am not doing your paperwork. Ghost already mentioned…”

“It’s not that Lass,” Soap mumbled playing with his hands. Soap argued that it would be not a smart idea. However, with the rat in the ranks it would convince that he was dead. “It’s Simon.”

You perked from that, you gave him a confused look. “What about him?” You knew after that, after Soap used Ghost’s name. The one you would say when you laughed, cried, moaned.

“They…they tried to get him out but…” The world flipped, you yelled at Soap and pushed him. Telling him to shut up but you also didn’t know that Simon was listening in. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want you to be the one not to know. Price convinced him due to the rat falling for the trap.

Simon heard you yell until the deafening slap echoed through the halls. You slapped him hard, you gritted through your teeth that he was a liar. You said that if his body is not here then it isn’t true. However, he knew that they convinced you that he was too burned to actually see him. His true form. Not a burnt crisp. They led you to the body, left small hints that it would have been his body.

He thought about you crying above the body. Screamed until you couldn’t. Held the bastards hand. Everything was suppose to not to happen. It shouldn’t have been months. He hoped that it wouldn’t. Price would give him updates on how you were doing. It didn’t sound good. He wished he could leave and get to you, hold you, and apologize for everything but he couldn’t.

Now he stands right here in front of you. Hate. Hate is the word the best describe your eyes. “Did you all know?” You voice said in the room. The quiet room. It was filled with venom. It was quiet.

No one said anything until you stood up and slammed your hand on the table. “Who fucking knew!” You snapped your head to Price.

“It was to pull Samson out.” Price said watching your move.

“Bring Samson out,” You repeated shaking your head, looking over at Simon. “You fucking bastard. You fucking bastard.”

No one expected the next thing, you walked over to him and pushed him hard. Slamming your fist into his chest. “You know how long I fucking grieved! How long my heart has been in pieces! You fucking just let this happen! Let me be in pain!”

Simon let you slam your fists into his chest. He deserved it. “You fucking promised! You promised! And it’s broken! It’s been fucking broken!”

Price told everyone to leave besides Simon, you, and Price. As everyone huddled out Simon grabbed your shoulders. “I had no choice.”

“Everyone has a choice!” You said pushing him one last time before facing away.

Price shook his head. “He didn’t, I wanted to tell ya but we couldn’t. We had to make it believable to bring him out.”

You shook your head. “I don’t care, you know what I’ve done the last couple of months? Did you know that empty feeling? Or the nights where I thought ending it all would have me not suffer?”

“Dove,” Simon mumbled reaching out to you. “It’s fucked up and I am sorry it happened. But I’m here now.”

You wanted to lean into him and let him hold you. There was just so much anger. Resentment. You just couldn’t believe that he would do that to you. You made the choices to drink and make yourself miserable sure but the feeling you had. The darkness that pulled you away from anything and anyone.

His hand burned your arm as he gently grabbed it. You ripped your arm away. “Fuck both of you,” Price face dropped to give more reassurance. “We are suppose to be a team.”

Simon knew that was a jab more for him. You both have been secretly running together until he had to fake his death. It was easy when he first did it, making sure that everyone knew he was dead so he could kill all the men that killed his family. Once Price came up to him and asked he declined it.

“No.” Simon firmly said and reaching for the door of Price’s office.

“Simon this would be the best route for the team,” Price explained standing up. “Why the hesitation?” Price knew. Simon knew that Price knew. He just wanted Simon to state it. Confirm Price’s suspicions. “It’s her isn’t it?”

Simon held the knob of the door tighter. All he did was nod his head. He couldn’t lie to Price even if he wanted to. “A year,” Price nodded, he didn’t know it was that long. “I can’t do it to her.”

Price sighed and walked over to place a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t either but…we have to. It will unfortunately be the best time and convincing.”

It felt like a poison came out of Price’s mouth. He didn’t want to do it to his team, didn’t want to hurt nobody. Why everyone got to know? Do they could take care of you. Simon didn’t want that. It wasn’t fair ok your part. He promised to protect you no matter the cost. “Johnny tells her.” He spoke softly.

Price nodded in agreement. “I already assumed that.”

Couple of weeks later was when he wasn’t suppose to be there. Wasn’t suppose to hear your scream. The wail. The heart break. He had to contain himself not to run in there to hold you. Tell you it was some sick joke. “Simon.” Price warned.

Simon stared at him for a moment. His own heart shattering, before Simon could say anything the rat came running in. Anger boiled through his body as he watched him run in the shadows. Why does he get to comfort you? While he stood and watched the heart break unfold. He had to peel himself out of the building, Price sneaking him out and leave. Never had he cried before but after being dropped off at the solitary home, he cried for hours. Wishing that he could have done something better.

“Y/n.” Simon whispered. His heart shattering. Not looking at you. Not hearing you. Nothing was coming around.

It felt like hours of you not talking. Price didn’t want to say anything neither did Simon. They wanted you to speak. Thoughts ran wild in your mind. How could they? Why would they? You knew why it was beneficial for the mission. But was it for you? Was all the heartache and not working especially worth it? You can’t do this over and over again. The pain was too hard. You closed your eyes and shook your head.

You’re tired. You are mentally. Emotionally. Physically tired. You can’t deal with this again if it happens. Your heart is still broke and broke even more of that could be possible. You could feel the water more and more drowning you, you’ve been trying to come back for air. But now this? It went back to what it was.

“I’m done.” You said ripping your patch off and placing it on the table.