One Must Go To Many Lengths To Learn The Truth.

Just loved they really thought it was a renamed cow at first ahahaa

The crossing back over was such a wonderful mess. Cub lost connection twice, joe didn't even have an elytra, bdubs tried to flank em and got killed by Oli instantly. Hilarious. Grumbot wants to blow up the server. They blew up emperor grumbot. The hermits get ready to attack them but once they come through they all immediately chill out. Oli tried to blow up grians end crystal. None of them can leave because Grian didn't build a stairway lot of his basement. Oli shouting 'I killed god' after killing Bdubs. False's evil lab is leaking energy????? What a day.

melts into a puddle

Squeeshed

if youre taking requests again can you do xisuma or evil xisuma?

Knights your boatem

Well somebody’s to blame, and it can’t be Jimmy!

25 for the wrapped drabble!

25: "Bremen", PigPen Theater Co.

It was part of the plan, everbody would stand On their hind legs, hands holding high the other Like a tower of brothers, and the one on the top Would crow warnings and call in the morning And call out the storm that was coming The one on the bottom would steer 'til the road was clear And people would learn to rejoice and to fear our coming

It is, ironically, a mild, wet temperature over Dogwarts, the sort of weather that mostly feels dreary rather than being properly cold, or snowy, or icy, or any of the sorts of things that the kinds of people who claim to bring forth winter would be expected to have over their fortress.

"Oh, come on, you've gotta be cheating!" says Skizz, throwing his cards down on the table. They're stained a strange purple. "Dippledop, tell them that he's cheating."

"I mean, I don't know, Skizz," Impulse says. "You aren't good enough at cheating to have taught me how to spot it..."

"I mean, you're the one marking cards," Martyn says idly.

"You know I can't help it!" says Skizz. "It's my ender-what's-its. My purple scales. My, my general, uh, what's a good word for it -"

"Ourple," Etho says.

"What?" Impulse says.

"He's ourple," Etho says, and then doesn't elaborate at all.

"You know, if you're going to accuse me of cheating, why not accuse him?" Martyn says. "I mean, look at him. He's wearing a mask while we're playing poker. That's basically against the rules."

"I don't have a face, man," Etho says.

"Did you mean -" Big B starts. Impulse puts a hand on his leg. Big B stops.

"I'm just saying," Martyn says, as he takes the distraction as an excuse to palm one of the cards using and replace it with a king he's been keeping in a pocket. He knows the king won't be suspicious largely because he's been keeping track of the cards Skizz has had, and the king he's about to put in his hand is the same one that Skizz had three hands earlier.

Martyn is going to win, like, so many meaningless favors from people who are all definitely going to die before Martyn can call them in, but hey. He's definitely going to die before he has a chance to worry about it, either.

(At one point, it had been about winning. He's good at cheating.)

"You know what, yeah! That is cheating! Show us your face, huh, Etho?" says Skizz, pointing dramatically. Big B snorts into his cards.

"Uh, I mean, I don't know, man," Etho says, putting his hands up and nervously backing up. "It's like - you know I don't take this off..."

"Actually, yeah," Impulse says. "I sorta wanna see you try to keep a poker face. Take it off, Etho."

"Woah, woah boys. I know we're all friends here, but I don't know if I'm ready for a strip tease," Martyn says, which makes Etho turn bright red, and also makes Big B flustered enough that Martyn can see his hand. Okay, that's not a threat. Not that Big B's a threat to anyone, really, but he's still green for a reason.

Skizz isn't a threat for a completely different reason. His heart's right there on his sleeve. He has a shit hand this round. He gave that given that well away the moment he drew it.

That leaves Etho and Impulse to figure out.

"I - oh, geez, guys," Etho says. "I -"

"Take it off!" Skizz starts chanting. "Take it off! Take it off!"

"I'm - I like you guys, but I'm not taking off my mask!" Etho says. "Impulse, Impulse, we're buddies. You should understand!"

"Yeah, but like..." Impulse says, before shrugging. "I mean, if it really upsets you, I guess... Guys, maybe we should stop."

"Naw, don't try to talk him out of it!" Skizz says.

"Haha, you know, I want to see it too," Big B says. "It's a bonding thing, right?"

"Oh, well you can't argue with the bonding thing, now can you," Martyn says.

"Guys," Impulse starts saying, and then there's the sound of a creaking door, and everyone stops at once as the courtyard changes from dreary and wet to a certain chill. If Martyn didn't know any better, he'd say it's the chill of the grave, but there hadn't ever been any for him, so. Probably not.

Instead, it's just...

"My loyal Dogwarts," says Ren, quietly. "What is all of this commotion about?"

"We're playing cards, My Lord," Martyn says immediately. "See?"

He shows his hand to Ren. Ren chuckles.

"Well, laddie. Show me how you win at cards."

Well, the answer to that's 'by cheating'. But he can't really show Ren that, now can he? He's got to keep some things in his pocket. Besides, it's not like any of the favors in the pot matter.

They're all gonna die before they matter. Some of them already are.

Martyn loses the hand to Impulse. He collects the favors with a sheepish grin. Ren barks out a laugh. "You'll get them next time, laddie."

"I'm sure I will," Martyn says.

"Mom, Ren's playing favorites," Etho whines.

"That's - that's unbecoming a knight of -"

"Yeah, Ren's playing favorites," Big B says.

"I mean, dudes, uh, I mean - my loyal Dogwarts -"

Martyn laughs so hard that he forgets to pay attention, and loses the next hand too.

Comprehensive list of Traffic Life Series curses*:

The Solidarity Gaming Death Curse: Afflicted individual will die first no matter the circumstances.

The Solidarity Gaming Canary Curse: Once the harbinger dies, the server will descend into chaos. Expect much bloodshed in the coming days.

The GoodTimesWithScar Session 5 Curse: Afflicted individual will, without fail, lose all but one life by session 5. If the individual hasn’t yet lost their lives by this point, the universe will course correct.

The GoodTimesWithScar Enchantment Curse: The cursed individual gains an obsession for the sole enchantment table, hailing it as their most important possession to the point of insanity.

The GoodTimesWithScar Pet Curse: Any and all animals befriended by the unfortunate cursebearer will meet a horrific fate at the hands of another.

The GoodTimesWithScar and Grian Life Curse: The first afflicted individual will always lose their first life as a result of the second afflicted individual, whether directly or indirectly.

The Grian Bonds Curse: The unfortunate sufferer of this curse will always end up being responsible for the death of their loved ones.

The TangoTek Isolation Curse: The afflicted individual will suffer an unfortunate final death alone, often dying by no fault of their own or in a meaningless way.

The Smallishbeans Insanity Curse: The afflicted individual, upon reaching their final life, will inevitably go on an insane killing spree in a desperate attempt to win, often burning another’s base down in the process.

The Rendog Last-Stand Curse: The cursed player will die within the walls of their home, in an attempt to defend it one last time.

The Rendog Loyalty Curse: The affected player will get attached to one person or a group of people, and will be loyal to the point of dying for said people.

The Rendog and InTheLittleWood Partnership Curse: The cursed individuals will undoubtedly form a partnership regardless of circumstance, but will be ultimately unable to protect each other.

The BdoubleO100 Tragedy Curse: The cursed individual will disregard all other players and focus on protecting one person they hold dear, inevitably failing as that person dies.

The Smajor1995 Widow Curse: The cursebearer’s chosen partner will always die before them, with the cursebearer being unable to save them.

The Zombiecleo Widow Maker Curse: The cursebearer will always die before their chosen partner, no matter the circumstances.

The Zombiecleo Betrayal Curse: The afflicted individual will be betrayed by someone close to them, and will hold a grudge until their revenge is total.

The Victor Curse: Although victory is the prize all seek, no one will come out with their lives. Alone in an abandoned world, where they are the last remaining being, all who succeed are doomed to fall at the hands of themselves or the universe itself.

The Red King Curse (self-inflicted): The reds will need a leader, but this one comes with a curse. The king and his servants will fall one by one, doomed to perish at the hands of another.

The Trap Curse (self-inflicted): A preset trap will never work as intended. Certain exceptions may apply as a result of other curses leading a target to their doom.

The Full Moon Curse (self-inflicted): if an individual points out at any point that there’s a full moon, the rest of the session is doomed to be full of bloodshed and death.

The Base Curse (self-inflicted)*: No matter how secure a base is, it will fall in the end. Nothing survives the red life swarm.

*A variation on this curse is the Flammability Curse: Everything that can be burned will be burned.

*Please leave anymore curses in the notes and the list will be updated to include them

a kind of continuation of my ‘hermes in his cowboy phase’ post

cause i want jimmy to stop being mean to that kid before i swat him with a newspaper! i will uncle-fy him myself if i have to