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Batman Orphan-Spotting radar

So i just read this nice peice of art ft. supes, batman and spidey. (link here: https://www.tumblr.com/arandomao3user/783454212655857664/batman-be-like-orphan-spotted?source=share)

Very cool, very nice

HOWEVER

I read the reblog reponse and i DIED

So now I hc that Batman can just immediately tell if you're an orphan or not, he can even narrow it down to when or how you lost your parents.

At first no one thinks much of it (not even batman himself, but then again he was never going to pay it attention anyway)

UNTIL

this new hero (dimension-shenanigans, they're gone in like a week) who looks like they've gone through the horrors, like they single-handedly have every single cliche superhero backstory ever, is staying at the watchtower so they can get help getting home.

And Batman walks in, stares at him for 6 minutes 47 seconds, and just says like,"do your parents know you're a hero"

And like every is in baffled confusion

because like how could you ask this CLEARLY ORPHANED CHILD, who looks like they have never known human warmth, whether their parents know their flying about fighting bad guys?

and in that split second of silence the hero just goes

"My mum knows but I haven't told my dad yet and I don't know how much longer my mum can cover for me"

and everyone is just like "........wtf?????"

"what do you men 'your mum knows' isn't she dead"

and the hero and batman both simultaneously wip their heads towards them with looks of utter disgust and bafflement

"no?..... my mum and dad are very much alive, thank you very much"

"why would you think they're parents are dead???"

and everyone else is just like

"???????"

Or better yet the exact inverse

A bright cheery child, who looks like joy and innocence personified appears

And batman just pulled them into a hug "Oh you poor innocent child.... it must have been so hard watching your parents die at just 7 and a half years old...."

And the child just breaks down and starts sobbing, they narrate their backstory and

Oh.

Oh my god.

In conclusion batman would 1000% have orpan sensing abilities (and yes he did adopt the second child but he had to return them... for reasons)

Bat Scenario (Batnario)

So like, long story short: big fight + magic villian=bruce/batman has been turned into a child for a year

But the catch is bruce was a very emotional child and he remembers everything (doesn't quite understand because he's young) so he goes around apologizing to everyone for everything but it's obvious that it's so awkward and hard for him

So many possibilities

At some point, someone asks him why he hadn't said anything earlier (his com/mic is on so this is live broadcasting to everyone) and he says some really emotional stuff before ending with "I was scared, if I told you and you forgave me you might want to be more independent, I wouldn't be able to protect you but if I told you and you didn't forgive me...............*mumbles* I don't know what id do". Then he gets up, announces he's hungry then goes to raid the kitchen

The possibilities with Jason alone, imagine a child looking eerily similar to Bruce running up to you in tears and just repeating "Sorry............... I'm sorry.................... Please forgive me.......................... I miss you......................... I wanted to kill him..... I really did....... I'm sorry"

And as a cherry on top, when the year is over and he turns back, Bruce remembers *nothing* and is so surprised -happy- by how all his family problems are fixed and why everyone seems more responsible

Fanfic writers take it from here

(also tag me i want to read it)

i love their designs

Sneak peek at pre-HOJ arc of Missed Chances AU and their characters!

sooooooooo

I just stumbled upon some random mincraft-parkour-voiceover-thingy but for our friendly neighbourhood spidey

so instead of starting finishing the batfam fanfic series I promised my non-existent followers, I'm instead going to do a one-shot peter-quits-being-spidey wholesome one-shot instead

i have also only consumed like, 2 official spidey media (movies) and that was over 2 years ago

so, there's that

I'll link the spidey fic in the comments if I finish

salvation is written in blood

have you guys ever posted anything then got that sweet rush of dopamine before your brain hit you with that reality check?

like

me *squealing*: omg someone actually read this!!!! and they even left kudos!!!!!!

my brain *waits a few moments to enjoy the dopamine*: ........

my brain: you do realize this is probably fake right?

me: ur lying!!

my brain: what are the chances that four whole people found this and actually liked it?

me: ur lying.

my brain: and it didnt even take 4, much less 24 hours???

me: ur lying............

my brain: and look at that user name! it doesn't make sense!! and 3 guests???

me: ........

my brain: with ur horrible writing??? like ur a beginner, not famous!!!

me: :'(

my brain: it's obviously ao3 trying to encourage new writers with fake engagement!!!!

me: *actively sobbing now*

my brain: now go post about it on tumblr for stranger's sympathy you disgusting disgrace!

me: *writes this*

I CANNOT CHOOSE!!! HELP!!!!

I need more people to acknowledge that bruce is not gonna be a great parent, but i'll be damned if he doesn't try

His parents are dead, and as far as I've seen, the only real, not-explicitly-toxic relationship he has is with Alfred, his butler

and remember that, at least for a long while, as much as Alfred cared, he still drew a very clear (sometimes limiting) line between them as butler-and-master

so no Bruce does not know what he is doing with any of his relationships, familial or romantical

and no he probably will never really learn

he's going to make absoulutely horrible, relationship-ending choices, but can you truly look me in the eye and say that any batman does not truly love and value every single relationship he is in (asides from when dc butchers everyone's personalities)

so I need to see more fics like this,

a bruce who tries and fails,

who does not know how to deal with any of this,

and so hides behind a mask or a doof smile, uses his persona to try to deal with it, to try to cope

a broken batman who doesn't know what's wrong with him but desperately wants to fix it, only, if only, just to maintain whatever semblance of love he gets from his friends, his kids

maybe that's why he has so many, desperately searching for any warmth in the innocent's child eyes

fanfic writers where you at?

reblog if you’re a writer who’s very terrible at responding to comments from your readers, but has read them all and loves and appreciates each and every single one of them very dearly

the problem is

i have like 2-3 other poly ships :'''')

*eyes batman and tim pointedly* i can't have too many

should i just make it 3 polys..................

I CANNOT CHOOSE!!! HELP!!!!