Herhighnessthegoblinqueen - Goblin Queen

Selected Excerpts From The Fire Nation Royal Palace Servants' (Unofficial) Handbook

Or: Revisions To Normal Protocol After The Ascension Of Agni's Exalted Flame, The Dragon Of The Sun, et cetera, Fire Lord Zuko

1. Agni's Exalted Flame, The Dragon Of The Sun, et cetera, Fire Lord Zuko should not be referred to by his full titles and styles, no matter the context. This appears to annoy him. "Fire Lord Zuko" and "Lord Zuko" are acceptable, as well as "your majesty" and "my Lord".

1.1 "Lord Hotman", however, is unacceptable.

1.2. Even if the Avatar specifically requests you to address Fire Lord Zuko as that.

1.3. In fact, any attempts by the Avatar, the Lady Beifong, the honorable Tribesman Sokka or even Master Katara to get you to address Fire Lord Zuko by anything other than his proper title should be disregarded.

1.4. Referring to Ozai of the Fire Nation (titles rmvd, dishon.) as "The Loser Lord", however, is acceptable.

2. Fire Lord Zuko is aware of the concept of mortality, but does not seem to understand how it relates to His Majesty. Following activities should be discouraged: Free climbing, glider usage, contact with exotic animals larger than a turtleduck (or smaller, if the animal is known to be venomous), amateur theatre productions, cooking, sailing, spelunking, botany, please see full list in the Matron's office.

2.1. It should be noted that His Majesty's belief that mortality does not apply to him does not appear to be completely unfounded. After several "close calls", it has been decided that upon his demise, Fire Lord Zuko should lie in state for at least two weeks.

2.1.1. We do not want another incident.

3. The turtleducks in the Western Pond do not need to be fed by the servants any more.

3.1. However, the turtleducks should be rotated out at regular intervals in order to prevent overfeeding.

4. At any official social functions, at least three servants should be vigilant in case His Majesty tries to tell a joke.

4.1. It should be noted that there is no concern for His Majesty's jokes being offensive, crass or otherwise contrary to good taste. They are simply very bad. His Majesty always ends up embarrassed.

5. Any children left unattended in the Royal Palace for more than 15 degrees can be retrieved from the Fire Lord's office.

6. Should His Majesty go missing, the following places should be searched: roofs and any high places, cellars and secret passages, the fur of the Avatar's sky bison (which is surprisingly deep), and every place that an ordinary five-year-old would think to hide in during a game of "Hide and Explode."

6.1. All of the Imperial Firebenders as well as any soldier who wears a mask during the course of their duties should be questioned.

6.1.1. Important note: Some of the soldiers who are especially close to His Majesty can perform a passable imitation of him. Efforts should be made to prevent an uneducated soldier from, say, conducting a meeting with the Minister of Agriculture.

6.2. After the recent incident, that list is expanded to include the Kyoshi Warriors and any other groups that might wear concealing full face paint.

6.3. If all of these measures prove ineffective, a letter should be sent to The Dragon of the West, Prince Iroh, asking His Highness to return His Majesty.

6.4. If a ransom note is delivered, it should be immediately checked against the handwriting samples from the honorable Tribesman Sokka as well as Avatar Aang, before any other actions are taken.

6.4.1. Replying "Good luck, he's your problem now" to a ransom note is absolutely unacceptable.

6.4.1.1. To further drive home the point, the Royal Archives are required by law to preserve every single piece of royal correspondence. That thing will end up in a museum.

This handbook will be updated should it prove necessary.

I’m sorry but did you say professionally

Hey can I borrow your job for a sec? I promise I’ll give it back…

I see a lot of people saying things to this nature about Goncharov’s Return (I’ll just be referring to it as Return from now on), but you’re missing the point: Return isn’t MEANT to be a literal direct sequel to Goncharov. First of all, the campyness and tone are kind of meant to parody the original, and I really love the direction took the franchise. And most importantly, it’s HEAVALLY implied that it’s all taking place in Gonch’s head. (The director described it as something akin to a dream ballet). Return provides a lot of interesting insight into the character when viewed through that lens, and the whole movie falls into place.

The goat scene WAS necessary, because of what the goat represents. (I won’t say what because it’s a massive spoiler. Go watch the movie, it’s good)

The symbolism of the clock carries through from the original in the form of the microwave timer

It’s all a slasher because of his feelings towards violence and his own sexuality/ internalized homophobia

I will hear no slander about ice pick joe in the disco scene, he is my favorite boy

There were plans to make an entire saga, with each film focusing on a different character, but most people didn’t get Return, it was cancelled 😡 (y’all can’t have nice things). I have heard they started writing the screenplay for the next movie, but I haven’t found it anywhere on the internet.

I'm just gonna come out and say it -

GONCHAROV'S RETURN SUCKED

It shouldn't even qualify as a sequel. With the exception of Abe Vigoda, it has none of the original cast; Zemeckis had no business trying to make a slasher film; Ice Pick Joe shouting like he's the fucking Hulk just ripped me out of a movie I was already falling asleep through; the scene with the goat was TOTALLY FUCKING UNNECESSARY; and they put the only cute character in the whole thing IN A DAMN OLIVE PRESS! 🤬

Truly devastated

"We should ban books with inappropriate content!"

Okay girl pick-a-little-talk-a-little. If you melt me down you will reveal a lump of lead as cold as steel here where a woman's heart should be.

The real chocolate man from chocolate land was the trasure inside you all the way

If Hadestown has a moral, she says, then it’s “you have to try, you have to have hope, not because success is a given – it’s not. Orpheus fails. We heroicise” – here she breaks off to apologise that jet lag has led to her making up words – “we heroicise Orpheus not because he succeeds but because he tries, and that endeavour alone is worthwhile. How to live, and not merely survive, is to believe things could change.”

Anaïs Mitchell on her musical Hadestown: 'I worked on it so long I was afraid I'd never make another record'

I hope it’s a trend, I love this

Is this a trend now? We got two bitchy middle-aged witches going around with their pet gay teenagers.

Also, there’s a lighter engraved with “Agent Phoenix”, but at that point, the agency didn’t call us Agent Phoenix, that was just John’s Nickname for us. It didn’t catch on until after that mishion.

Which means he went to the trouble of getting a CUSTOM LIGHTER MADE with the right logo and everything, just to lock it in a drawer….

John Juniper is so extra I love him sm

Some more observations with IEYTD 2

There’s signs outside of just Handler’s odd line delivery in Safe and Sound. Look at what he gives us at the end of every level.

A cupcake and a bottle of champagne with a champagne flute.

Now let’s look at what Juniper leaves for Phoenix when trying to convince them he’s their handler.

A slice of cake and a glass of wine. It’s so close, but not quite right. He knew that Phoenix usually was given cake and alcohol, but not the little things. Why would John go out of his way to get champagne? He’s got cellars full of wine, and it’s not like that small detail will make much difference.

Honestly, when I first played I remember thinking wow that’s a lotta cake- because that is a huge slice of cake. You immediately know something’s off… but not what.

And the sandwich just feels like overcompensating. Handler has been shown leaving Phoenix sandwiches all through the first game, but not as much in the second one. It’s a safety net.

“See? I’m you handler, I even got you a sandwich!”

recently when im tempted to say 'i'm gonna kill myself' i try to correct it into saying "im gonna walk into the river and become a trout" or some other form of that. this is my new thing