Cass Is Out On Patrol And Sees Polka Dot Man Trying To Rob A Dollar General. After She Shoos Him Away,

Cass is out on patrol and sees Polka Dot Man trying to rob a Dollar General. After she shoos him away, she wanders down an aisle and soon finds the most absurd item in the store.

Cass, in full costume, approaching the cashier: How much?

Paul the Cashier, a fifty year old man who has been working night shifts in Gotham for over thirty years: Just take it. Christ.

—

Later that week:

Tim, stepping into the shower, sees this peeking out at him from behind his shampoo:

Cass Is Out On Patrol And Sees Polka Dot Man Trying To Rob A Dollar General. After She Shoos Him Away,

Tim: …okay

Tim, texting Cass: Did you give me a Rainbow Batman?

Cass: Pass along the Rainbow Batman for good luck

—

Jason, returning to his safe house after a long night, opens the fridge and sees Rainbow Batman standing knee-deep in his potato salad.

Jason: fuck is this

Tim, texting him seconds later: Pass along Rainbow Batman for good luck.

—

Over the next few months, Rainbow Batman circulates its way around most of the Bat-team. It bounces from Jason to Dick to Damian to Steph. Eventually it gets to Duke, who is tasked with presenting it to Bruce. He waits until Bruce is in a decent mood, then puts it on the driver’s seat of the Batmobile one night as they are all wrapping up a case.

Bruce, opening the Batmobile door: —thank you for your help, Dick. I know you’ve been busy. And Duke, I appreciate you altering your schedule for us. Steph, your intel was excellent. I’m very pleased with the outcome of this mission. You all managed to keep the insubordination at a tolerable level.

Jason, whispering to Dick: Damn, two thank-yous, a compliment, and only one passive-aggressive comment? Did he get laid or something?

Bruce, spotting the Rainbow Batman: I…

Bruce:

Bruce: This??

Bruce: Is this…

Duke, about to explain: Cass found it—

Bruce, clearly trying to process something, blurts out: Is this your way of telling me you all know about Clark?

Everyone:

Jason: called it

More Posts from Grey--scales and Others

grey--scales

3 years ago

Happy Batman Day!!!

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grey--scales

3 years ago

red hood and the outlaws? no, no, you misheard me. red hood and the INlaws. local teenage crime lord gets unwillingly mentored by his big brother’s most determined friends.

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grey--scales

7 years ago

💫🌹

Tags

blue healing take no shit do no harm

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grey--scales

3 years ago

Ok new fic idea

Bruce gets transported to another dimension where everything is normal. There’s no magic, there’s no vigilantism, no super hero’s

Also his parents are alive

And he’s freaking the absolute fuck out, he’s trying to explain everything and say he’s not suppose to be there and they’re like, “uhhh, let’s call Clark?” And Bruce is like, “YES LETS CALL CLARK”

And Clark and Diana come over and they’re like, “Bruce you good??”

And Bruce is flipping his shit explaining to them, then he smacks the shot out of Clark and everyone is like, “BRUCE WHAT THE FUCK??” And Clark has a nose bleed and Bruce is just standing there freaking out more

Then suddenly he’s like, “where are my children??” And they’re like, “what children? Bruce you have no children?”

And Bruce is like, “My children I adopted! I have 6 kids! 7 of o count Stephanie and I do! WHERES MY KIDS. Talia! Talia I’ll get Talia, she and Ra’s have to understand”

And they’re like, “who????” And Bruce is like, “the mother of my child? The one who got away? We couldn’t agree on certain things. Like not murdering people or taking over the world”

And basically everything is like, “Bruce has lost his shit” meanwhile THAT Bruce is now is the Batman timeline and HES freaking the fuck out. Everyone is freaking the fuck out because that’s not Bruce, and poor Bruce is like, “I’m not ready to be a father??”

But then OUR Bruce is like, “ok I’ll actually prove it” and takes off his shirt and shows all his scars and everyone is like, “holy shit. What is happening?? You’re definitely not Bruce??”

Basically a want all hell to break and Constantine come son and fixes it the end

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