“in This Short Life That Only Lasts Ah Hour How Much-how Little-is Within Our Power.”

starfire and her boys.

undercuts

[ID: A 3-page comic and an illustration of Conner Kent, Cassie Sandsmark, Bart Allen, and Tim Drake from DC Comics.

Comic Page 1

Panel 1: Cassie enters the living room, stretching. In the foreground, Kon holds an electric hair clipper.

Tim, off panel: Hey Cassie. Cassie: *yawn* Hey Tim, hey Kon. Kon: Hey Cassie.

Panel 2: Cassie touches the back of Kon’s head. Kon turns towards her, putting the clipper down.

Cassie: Hair coming in? Kon: Yeah. Cassie: Huh. I’ve always wondered how that feels. Kon: The undercut? Cassie: Yeah.

Panel 3: Cassie continues touching the back of Kon’s head, curious. In the background, Bart speeds in with armfuls of bags in street wear.

Cassie: Ooo, stubbly. Kon: You wanna try? Bart: HEY GUYS SUP Cassie: Hey Bart. Kon: Hey Bart.

Panel 4: Cassie sits by the table with Kon. Kon turns towards Bart, who’s simultaneously in the kitchen putting away his purchases and drinking water, and in the foreground doing a thumbs up holding a pillow, having changed into a sweatshirt.

Cassie: Kon’s fixing his undercut. Kon: And Cassie’s maybe getting one. Bart: Yeah you’d look great! Kon: Yeah she would. Cassie: Thanks.

Comic Page 2

Panel 1: A close up on the upper half of Bart’s face. He looks wary.

Cassie, off panel: You wanna get one too? Bart: I dunno, are you guys gonna make fun of my hair again?

Panel 2: Bart looks up at Tim, who’s hanging upside down from the ceiling and holding a phone.

Tim: In fairness, half bald would be an improvement from completely bald, kinda. Bart: Hey Tim. Tim: Hey Bart.

Panel 3: Kon turns towards Tim, who continues to hang upside down whilst smiling smugly. Cassie gestures at the back of her head, turned to Bart.

Kon: “Kinda”? Tim: Mm. Kon: Wow. Cassie: Isn’t the suit uncomfortable with the hair? Bart: In hindsight yeah but like, do I have the face for an undercut?

Panel 4: Cassie thinks thoughtfully. Bart leans his cheek against Kon’s shoulder. Kon shifts slightly to make space for Tim.

Cassie: Has there ever been a “bad” undercut? Bart: Worst case you could do wigs again. Cassie: Ugh. Tim, off panel: Batwoman says undercuts are better with suits like hers. Kon: Batwoman has an undercut?

Comic Page 3

Panel 1: Cassie and Bart look up at Tim. Kon looks at them, curious; Tim also looks at them, but disgruntled instead.

Cassie: I’ll get one if Bart gets one. Bart: I’ll get one if Time gets one. Tim: Why am I involved.

Panel 2: Cassie and Kon huddle around Bart, gesturing towards him. The trio do their best at making the most angelic expression they can muster. Tim gives them a deadpan stare.

Cassie: Think about Bart! Bart: What about Bart! Kon: For Bart, Tim!

Panel 3: Tim continues to give them a deadpan stare.

Panel 4: The deadpan stare continues. The other three cheer.

Tim: … sure? Cassie, Bart, and Kon: YEAH!

Illustration

Kon sits behind Tim, inspecting the back of Tim’s head closely, holding an electric hair clipper; Tim’s head is bowed slightly, looking down at Bart whose head is laid on his lap; Cassie lays arms crossed on Bart’s stomach. The atmosphere is easy and comfortable. They all have undercuts.

End ID.]

A babysitter's guide to the bats: by Jason Todd

If, for any reason, I am not in Gotham, here's what you will need to know to keep the local bat population from killing themselves off.

Tim has to be fed and watered daily.

Do not leave Cass alone for more than 36 hours, you might find half the world's governments systematically dispatched if you do.

Damian needs to be hugged at least once every two days. He will not ask for these hugs, but Robin starts getting real close to murder if he doesn't get affection, and a murdery Robin is something Bruce and Tim cannot deal with right now.

Bruce can hypothetically take care of himself, but won't unless it's easy. Make sure the cave is stocked up on energy bars and protein shakes. He likes dark chocolate best.

Do not let Dick forget to sleep. He gets acrobat-y when tired, and if he breaks one more chandelier Alfred might actually quit.

Cass forgets to eat real food sometimes. She can no longer survive off tree bark, but will try anyway. Leave some blackberries outside her room or on the bench below the maple tree in the back and she will eat those instead.

Make sure Steph spends time with Alfred. They both get lonely without their bi-weekly tea and gossip hour.

DO NOT LET DUKE RUN MISSIONS. HE FORGETS THAT THE REST OF THE TEAM IS MORTAL.

Keep an eye on Babs, she has the means to dismantle every intelligence agency in the U.S. and is very close to finding a motive.

Sometimes Bruce and Tim forget that they run a company. Makes sure they read their emails every once in a while, the board is ruthless and can smell weakness.

Tim is allergic to walnuts. He doesn't remember this. There is an EpiPen in the hall closet.

The no-metas-in-Gotham rule does not extend to Diana Prince. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. You couldn't actually get rid of her if you tried. There is no Wonder Woman contingency plan. Don't look for it.

Titus has to be fed while Damian is at school.

Always make sure Red Robin has his third backup rebreather. He's recently decided he has a deathwish.

Batcow is NOT allowed in the manor. If Damian tries to convince you she is, he is lying.

Cass is out on patrol and sees Polka Dot Man trying to rob a Dollar General. After she shoos him away, she wanders down an aisle and soon finds the most absurd item in the store.

Cass, in full costume, approaching the cashier: How much?

Paul the Cashier, a fifty year old man who has been working night shifts in Gotham for over thirty years: Just take it. Christ.

—

Later that week:

Tim, stepping into the shower, sees this peeking out at him from behind his shampoo:

Tim: …okay

Tim, texting Cass: Did you give me a Rainbow Batman?

Cass: Pass along the Rainbow Batman for good luck

—

Jason, returning to his safe house after a long night, opens the fridge and sees Rainbow Batman standing knee-deep in his potato salad.

Jason: fuck is this

Tim, texting him seconds later: Pass along Rainbow Batman for good luck.

—

Over the next few months, Rainbow Batman circulates its way around most of the Bat-team. It bounces from Jason to Dick to Damian to Steph. Eventually it gets to Duke, who is tasked with presenting it to Bruce. He waits until Bruce is in a decent mood, then puts it on the driver’s seat of the Batmobile one night as they are all wrapping up a case.

Bruce, opening the Batmobile door: —thank you for your help, Dick. I know you’ve been busy. And Duke, I appreciate you altering your schedule for us. Steph, your intel was excellent. I’m very pleased with the outcome of this mission. You all managed to keep the insubordination at a tolerable level.

Jason, whispering to Dick: Damn, two thank-yous, a compliment, and only one passive-aggressive comment? Did he get laid or something?

Bruce, spotting the Rainbow Batman: I…

Bruce:

Bruce: This??

Bruce: Is this…

Duke, about to explain: Cass found it—

Bruce, clearly trying to process something, blurts out: Is this your way of telling me you all know about Clark?

Everyone:

Jason: called it

the only thing you need to know about the batman movie is that this bruce is dumb enough, emo enough, and guilty enough to adopt an acrobatic orphan and think it’s absolutely the right decision

I like the look of agony, because I know it’s true

Emily Dickinson (via wonderwarhol)

can someone draw this with Bruce and Damian instead?

anyway

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