Godtookmygenderagain - GodTookMyGenderAgain

thorin but make him a polish nobleman

you can get a print here: inprnt! 

Ways Crowley Could Safely Enter A Church

- pogo stick

- a skateboard and a walking stick, punting himself along like he’s in Venice

- platform shoes

- piggyback from Aziraphale

- stilts

- being carried bridal-style by Aziraphale

- literally just a fucking motorcycle

who i would let borrow my car in lord of the rings:

boromir- would likely take it to a car wash and fill up the tank for me afterwards. no questions asked and the keys are in his hand before he finishes his sentence.

gimli- would change my tires for me. a bit worried about him off roading but he’d take care of it. it’s extremely likely that he also took it through the car wash but not out of politeness but because he got it caked with dirt and mud while driving.

elrond- i’m willing to bet my life on this man being a reliable driver. he could get negative traffic tickets- as in, the cops pull him over just to tell him how good of a three point turn that was. this man is married to the turn signals.

sam- there might be dirt and dog hair left over for weeks but yeah i’d trust him. he probably just needs the trunk space for a dresser he found on the side of the road.

who in lord of the rings i do not trust with my car:

gollum- yeah obviously he’d drive it into the swamp in .2 seconds. this little fucker does not follow road laws or any laws. the second gollum takes my car i know its over.

gandalf- i do not know how one sends an automotive on a quest but im pretty sure my car is in moria rn and i’m never seeing it again

legolas- has the biggest passenger princess energy i’ve ever seen. would total my car immediately after going diagonal across the highway because he saw a cool tree

thranduil- like father like son. passenger princess who has not been behind the wheel for decades. would guilt trip me into giving him a ride before even asking to borrow my car. gets pulled over for having a whole ass wine bottle in the cupholder.

pippin- there would be peanut butter stuck in the console for months and i’d be finding loose snacks and trinkets in my seats years afterwards. also strikes me as the type to be obsessed with the radio to the point of reckless driving

Read a Bagginshield fic with the premise "while Thorins passed out after the battle of Five Armies, Dain and Balin trick Bilbo into learning dwarfish politics and he accidentally becomes an important mediator between Dane and Erebor," and that concept is funny as fuck. You wake up after nearly dying in a war against your generation's long enemy, just to find out that your ex boyfriend, who you tried to murder in a greed induced rage, is now helping run your newly reclaimed homeland.

My kitten tried to kill my stuffed tribble. My roommate remarked that my tribble killing cat would make a great Klingon pet… and she’s right.

Imagine a Klingon ship having a cat that protects them from tribbles & vermin. They have to get the cat from a shelter run by humans and they’re like “This is the honorable Mr. Chonks”.

“Yes, our ship also has an earth feline. Her name is Carrot and she fights like a warrior.”

There’s absolutely a Klingon out there who lost an eye to a feral cat that he then adopted.

Klingons who go “pspspspsps” to get the Ship Cat to come hang out during break.

Orange Ship Cat that gets lost in the jeffires tubes and Klingon whose sole job is to go fetch the orange cat. He acts like he hates his job but he actually really adores his feline co-worker so much.

Klingon that always hands things to the Ship Cat so it can sniff it.

Klingon that intentionally grabs boxes to enrich Ship Cat’s little life. Sometimes they get multiple boxes and the crew bets on which box will be deemed “best box” by their fluffy little warrior.

Klingon that starts his work shift saying “Qapla'!” to Ship Cat who meows in return.

Newly Minted Ship Kitten climbing up to a Klingon Captain’s shoulder with her tiny needle claws while said Captain is attempting to be intimidating on the viewscreen.

Klingon who gets a head bunt from Ship Cat and gives it a head bunt back.

Art by Carlos Fonseca

Yeah so this guy absolutely invaded my iPad and I can’t stop drawing him 💀 Anyway! I really wanted to draw more shenanigans with Dwobbit Frodo and his fam, whom he has wrapped around his tiny finger since the day he was born lmfao. Big thank you to @belalubroski and @shujinkomononobe for keeping me inspired with different ideas!

I remember in some behind the scenes or something Richard Armitage was saying that Thorin singing the misty mountains song was a way to seduce Bilbo onto the Journey and yessss. It clearly worked.

I think the reason so many LOTR ripoffs fail is because they make their Aragorn analogue the main character, when the entire point of Aragorn is that he’s “the person the villains think is the main character, but is Not.”

Aragorn seems like a traditional King Arthur style hero— he has huge Main Character Energy because he’s supported by destiny, by bloodline, by all these magic artifacts and prophecies, and etc etc. Frodo and Sam are Just Some Guys. Aragorn recognizes that Sauron understandably thinks he’s the main hero of this story ….and he pretends to believe it too, spending the entire series using himself as a diversion to prevent Sauron from seeing Frodo and Sam.

Aragorn’s whole thing is that knows he seems like the Main Hero of this legend to people who don’t know better —- but he also knows that he isn’t, and that his role is just to keep Sauron’s eye on him in order to protect the people around him.

And it works! Sauron is so fixated on defeating his Legendary Destined Archenemy with Extreme Main Character Energy that he completely overlooks the two ordinary little guys who were the real threat to him all along.

“The old magic persists thanks to it’s unfathomable power.”

No, the old magic persists because the new magic can’t run the legacy spells I need to do my job, and keeps trying to install spirits I don’t want or need onto my orb.