Ada Limón, "The Good Fight" // Margarita Karapanou, Rien Ne Va Plus (trans. Karen Emmerich) // Richard

on being a dog, being eaten by dogs, needing like a dog, losing like a dog

i bet on losing dogs, melody chua / the odyssey, homer (trans. by emily wilson) / l’oublié! (forgotten), émile betsellère / you want it darker, leonard cohen / i’m your man, mitski / jezebel eaten by dogs, aurelia de sousa / 1 kings 21:19 / roadside attractions with the dogs of america, ada limón / i bet on losing dogs, mitski

@usergif new year, new fonts: day 5 — favorite fonts [fonts used: finches & moon (befonts)]

there was nothing but love waiting for rust in the dark. he thought it'd be cold and apathetic, he thought time was a flat circle and he'd have to grieve his daughter again and again. but he pulled the knife out of his stomach and laid there to die. and in the darkness, there was nothing but love. and then he woke up.

i think it's nice that we share the same sky ✰ aftersun (2022) dir. by charlotte wells

₍ 🎞 ₎   isle of dogs   (2018)  rp  starters  ! featuring violent themes . some lines have been slightly adjusted for rp purposes .

i am not your pet. i never liked you.

oh, i'm full–grown, sweetheart. you don't have to worry about me.

i don't care about you. i won't wait for you.

i'm not a violent dog. i don't know why i bite.

you have a conspiracy theory?

sometimes i lose my temper and blow off a little steam, but i've never enjoyed it.

my friends think i like to fight, but it's just not true.

you took me in, like a stray dog.

i can see you've been mistreated.

who told you that dirty lie?

i lost all my spirit, i'm depressing.

i think i might give up.

are we eating him or is this a rescue?

i wouldn't drink that if i were you.

i recognize you from when i heard that rumor.

you're the best in a scrap. we all know that you like to fight.

you hungry? kill something and eat it.

nobody's giving up around here, and don't you forget it.

let's wait a second before we attack each other and tear ourselves to shreds.

if we don't drown, i'm gonna strangle you myself.

you cold? dig a hole in the ground, crawl into it, and bury yourself.

don't ask me to fetch that stick.

i don't care. i'm used to leftovers.

i'll always be loyal to you, but circumstances have radically changed for me.

i can't protect you efficiently under these conditions.

i was the one that tried to make you be loyal in the first place.

i'm not doing this because you commanded me to.

where do you get all these rumors? i mean, who tells them to you?

i'm doing it because i feel sorry for you.

that's highly confidential. um, anyway.

i don't know anything, i should've kept my mouth shut.

i can hear you. i can hear you.

i don't think i can stomach anymore of this garbage.

so how does it feel to be a former stray?

i guess it scared me.

this is my new favorite food. thank you.

i thought you knew all about me.

it wasn't my choice. i don't consider it my identity.

so you know a few tricks, then.

i'm gonna drag you out with my teeth, since you can't understand the plan.

i lost my train of thought. dammit!

only reason i even said that is because we're all probably going to die out here.

look at it that way. you're probably safer than i am.

i'll be compelled to defend myself with all the means at my disposal.

i was dying. do you judge me for that?

are you okay? how can i be of service to you?

you're not safe here. you shouldn't have come for me.

people talk, and i listen. always have.

come sit beside me. it's okay.

Paris, Texas (1984) | dir. Wim Wenders

The Mechanics Of A Soul

spider-man meets his soulmate far before she ever gets to knows peter parker. soulmate au- at the age of 18, you can meet your soulmate. ty @gotkindabored bc u made this possibleee

Knowing her comes easy.

She taught him the meaning of a guilty pleasure.

Because that’s what this is, the way he swings up to her window, breathless and lacking in restraint, hungry eyes desperate to see the only person that can bring him any sort of peace.

She looks beautiful, of course. This is a constant, looking at her. She is a sort of lovely you can’t stop looking at, one that grows warmer and kinder the more you fall into it. He sees her through the window, like he always does, before he knocks. Her hair is tucked behind her ear, and she’s wearing the shorts she wears to bed, and she’s chewing on her lower lip nervously.

He knocks on her window twice, pauses and then knocks again. There’s no real reason to do their little ritual- she lives alone, and it’s not like anyone else would feasibly be at her window.

(He doesn’t like the thought of anyone else being there. Not one bit.)

But he knows there isn’t anyone else. Knows that he monopolizes her time in a way that if he was a better man, the guilt would have prevented him from coming over in the first place.

“Hey stranger,” she says. He wants to hate it, how her honey sweet drawl pulls him in. He wants it to be the magic, wants it to be the soulmate pull, but unfortunately for Peter’s will power, she seems to have a magnetic force of her own.

She doesn’t know his name.

“Hey to you too,” he says back, crawling through her window with, nimble body slipping through and sitting beside her on her bedspread.

He studies her face, a luxury she can’t indulge in.

“I missed you tonight,” her eyes are unwavering on him, and they’re heavy. It’s a weight he’s lucky to bear. “Were you safe out there?”

It’s a Friday night, and he knows she might be out with friends, might be with someone else right now, if it wasn’t for him. She picked this, to be here with him.

He wonders if she’d pick it if she knew him as more than Spider-Man.

“It was okay,” Peter replies, “I just got held up.”

By a bank robber, and yeah, he’s got a raging headache from the sirens, but he’s fine. He’s here.

“You look radiant,” he says, it’s so, so cheesy, but he’s looking at her and he can’t look away. She’s his favorite thing to look at.

“You’re ridiculous,” she says, but she’s preening. It’s a little much, how much pride he feels from it.

He’s not wearing his regular suit- in fact, he looks a bit ridiculous. He swung over in sweatpants, a sweatshirt and the mask. It helps the whole thing feel more normal, like she didn’t meet her soulmate in a cafe being robbed.

It takes a couple of minutes, but they settle into their little groove- her laying on his chest, her little TV playing a show they binge together, his fingers running through her hair. It’s more peace than he ever imagined for himself.

He knows it. He knows she deserves more from the soul she was meant to love. And it doesn’t seem fair, that someone as kind as her has to love someone who can only give her half of himself.

Still, the night is young and she’s the love of his life, and this is more than he deserves.

The next time Peter sees her, he doesn’t have the mask on.

Of course, she doesn’t know who he is, and he’s planted to the ground, looking at her.

She’s fucking gorgeous. She looks like something out of a dream, and Peter wasn’t expecting to see the love of his life right now.

He should’ve checked the roster for the class he’s in, but he didn’t think to- he didn’t even know she went to the same university as he did.

He looks awful. Did he even do his hair this morning? She liked that actor with glasses, why the fuck didn’t he wear his glasses-

“Hey, you’re Peter, right?”

Peter.

He must look crazy right now, how he’s reacting to her saying his name- but she’s heard him say her name before. She’s never said his. He’s never heard the way it sounds, how her sweet tone wraps around the syllables, and he wants to hear it again.

“You know my name?”

“Do you mind if I sit here?” She asks, and he nods, faster than probably seems normal.

“Yeah, of course, go ahead.”

He’s talking too much.

“And yeah! We went to high school together. You took photos for yearbook, right?”

She knew who he was.

“Yeah,” he stammered back, “I did. I didn’t know you went to Midtown.”

Idiot.

“I think we ran in different circles,” she replies, “But it’s good to see you again.”

He was in her bed last night. He knows what shampoo she uses, knows how she feels pressed up against him, knows her heart like the back of his hand.

“It’s good to see you too.”

She giggles at that, and there it is, that burst of warmth in his chest. His girl.

And Peter doesn’t know if its their soul bond or just the fact that he’s in love with her, but the whole lecture (which he couldn’t tell you a thing about) is spent passing notes, genuine notes. Little scraps of paper, pieces of his heart on a line notebook.

It’s a waltz he told himself from day one that he’d never get to dance. Knowing her as Peter is scary. He can’t call her radiant. He isn’t a hero, isn’t even a particularly cool guy. He’s just in love.

She still smiles at his jokes, though.

“Hello, sweetheart,” he says, when he sneaks into her bedroom. This is routine, a pattern he adores, but this time it is different. She knows both versions of him. Not together, but she knows him.

She is of course, none the wiser. Her smile blooms like a rose, and he feels so selfish when she pulls him into an embrace. There’s a candle on, a dim lamp illuminating her beautiful face, and he shouldn’t be doing this.

It’s hedonistic. How can he be so greedy for her affection, take it as both versions of himself? It hardly seems fair.

“Are you okay?” her voice is muffled by his shirt, concern buried in her tone.

“I’m perfect,” he replies, “I’ve got you.”

It’s a delicate balance, and it doesn’t feel fair to her, but Peter is lucky.

It started simple enough, with them getting coffee after class, exchanging study details. Days slip into nights, hours into months, and she knows Peter. She knows him.

It’s easy with her. She loves the scent of vanilla and tells him about her favorite writers and Peter could spend years listening to her voice. And it’s not fair to her, to be two people, neither of which she can fully have.

A treacherous part of him wonders if she likes him as Peter.

Soulmates are one of those controversial things, but Peter- he had always wanted to meet his soulmate. He’d grown up watching Ben and May, how they danced to their favorite songs in the kitchen, how they seem to revolve around each other like oak trees, roots that had tangled together so much that separation seemed an improbable impossibility.

When he was a little boy, he wondered what his soulmate would be like. How would they look? Would they be kind? Would they want him back?

And god, she’s so much better than he could’ve ever imagined.

He never imagined he’d have to hide himself from her.

Gwen had left, and couldn’t blame her. She’d almost died, and it had scared her, and Peter- he knows that being with him is a flight risk, knows that loving him means a bit of self-sacrifice.

If he was a better man, he wouldn’t have gotten in this deep.

She’s his soulmate. There aren’t words to describe it, what it means to have her, what it means to be here, in the room with the other half of his heart.

He cannot risk it.

The tightrope walk had to end at some point, he supposes.

The liminal space finally ends on Saturday afternoon.

He’s Spider-Man to her, right now. It’s getting hard to keep track of what she knows about each version of him- he often almost slips, almost calls her darling when she can see his face.

“I have to ask you something.”

Peter knows what she is going to say before she opens her mouth.

There’s that sick feeling in his throat, the sense of dread.

“What’s going on?”

“There’s this guy in my class,” she says, and fuck, it’s like the world is in slow motion, like a bad movie, “And I think he likes me.”

Of course someone likes her. Of course they do. Liking her Is the natural succession of events after meeting her.

“Yeah?”

He wants to sound practiced. Poised. In control.

He doesn’t want to sound like he’s shaking, like the ground could fall out from under him at any given moment.

Like he’s about to lose the love of his life.

“It’s confusing for me, because you’re the only person I’ve ever felt this way around, and I didn’t I was able to feel this way around anyone else. You’re my soulmate.”

The term feels strange in Peter’s head, lulls around his mouth like a bitter candy. He normally loves that word. Carries the pride around like a limb, a piece of himself.

She’s right. She isn’t supposed to feel that way for anyone else. But anything’s possible, right?

He should say something. He knows he should. Except he can’t, feels like he’s going to choke on the too-thick air surrounding him.

It shouldn’t really be possible, Peter thinks to himself.

He’s supposed to be what she needs. He’s not supposed to have been able to mess this up.

“I see,” Peter replies, his voice isn’t loud enough. He should pull off his mask. He should say something. Anything. “Do you, uh, do you like him?”

He thinks back on it, nights where she plays music that sounds like if a fireplace embers had a more corporeal form, hours of time slipped into a space he never wished to leave.

It’s like watching a car crash. He’s just waiting for it to end.

He’d been naive.

She runs her hands through her hair, a nervous gesture he’s always been so endeared by, and this time, all it does is pull at the ache in his chest so much it almost tears it in half.

“His name is Peter.”

Oh. Oh.

It can’t be him.

“And he’s just- I don’t even know, he was in my class, and he’s my friend-“

“Photography class?”

He knows he sounds desperate, but he can’t care. And she’s closer to him, he can’t help it- she smells like roses and she’s looking up at him, wide doe eyes peering back at him. God, he’d do just about anything for her to mean it.

For her to have picked every version of him she’d know.

She nods, gingerly, and every breath feels like hope incarnate.

“Peter Parker?”

Realization blooms across her delicate features, and his heart beat’s so, so fast. Even still, she’s so close to him. He can feel her breath.

He’d pictured this moment before. Not that he ever believed it would come true, but in his more vulnerable moments of self indulgence, he would allow himself to consider what it would be like. He thought he’d get her flowers, propose some sort of affectation worthy of her time.

Loving her follows a rhythm, the beats of a song his soul had him dance to, until he could make the acquaintance of the woman he was meant to spend his life loving.

When she kisses him, arms wrapped around his waist, a helpless smile and an ardent urgency to her movements, far too late and still, always, just on time- he knows.

Every version of him was always going to end up here.

In Cold Blood (pt 1)

Synopsis: A slew of murders have you and the other detectives scratching their heads, but the killer himself seems beyond fascinated with you.

Warnings: This is probably my most warning heavy story- mentions and graphic descriptions of blood/gore, death, murder (serial killer!billy is a giveaway), weapons including gun/knives, home invasion mentions, eventual smut lets just say EVERYTHING IS 18+- read at your own discretion

Tag list: @vermillionwinter , @nerdyreaderpapi

You turned a corner, feet hitting the pavement as fast as they could. Water splashed up from a puddle but it didn’t slow you down. The buzz of traffic didn’t calm your racing heart as you skidded to a stop down a corner alley.

How had this happened? You were so sure of yourself. So careful. At least that’s how it felt. 

It had started innocently enough, well maybe innocent wasn’t the correct choice of words.

It had started with the death of a local businessman. He’d been found in an alleyway, shoved between trash bins. Multiple knife wounds scattered across his torso and neck. You’d been called to investigate the scene with the other officers.

It had left your mouth dry, the other officers you worked with were rarely left speechless but this….this did it. The brutality of it was unmatched from anything you’d investigated before.

Then a few weeks later there was a woman found murdered in a similar fashion, body left in Central Park for anyone to find. Then there was another and another. It made your stomach turn. 

Then you found yourself volunteering to be on the case. To figure out who the bastard was. Why they were doing this. And to put them away for as long as possible. 

The longer you researched and devoted your time and energy to figuring out how to catch the murderer the less it made sense. There was no rhyme or reason or outright motives that stood out to you. Just a building body count.

That’s when you got the first call.

You’d been working from the office late one night, pouring over the latest crumb of evidence you’d been able to scrounge up. A blurry cctv blip of footage capturing a large figure in a black hoodie up over their head leaving the building where the last victim was found.

The noise jolted you from your seat, the blinds drawn in your office and the steady hum of the fluorescent lights overhead wearing away at your eyes. It was late. Very late. No one you knew would be up at this hour. Not unless it was an emergency.

You didn’t recognize the number. So not a friend or relative popping up on caller ID. You let it ring another few times before sighing, with a roll of your eyes and sliding to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Detective Archer.” You felt your body freeze at your name being used. The voice crackled on the other end. Deep. Male. But it was edited somewhat, like he was speaking through some sort of device to conceal his voice. 

“Who is this?”

“Ah ah ah that’s on a need to know basis.”

“And I don’t need to know?” You pushed away from your desk standing to walk over to your closed office door. Peeking through the blinds to see the still empty office.

“I’m not in your office if that’s what you think.” Your blood ran cold as you froze in place, fingers just pulling away from the door.

“Are you…watching me?” Your eyes flitted to the windows on the right side of your office, rushing over and drawing the blinds closed.

“Always.” 

The word hung on the phone line, heavy silence.

“You’re him.”

“There’s a lot of “hims” out there, I’m going to need you to be more specific.” He was taunting you.

“The killer.” Laughter rang out in the other end.

“It took you a little while there, detective. Here I was thinking you were the top of your class.” 

“Why are you calling me?” You moved back to your desk wondering if there was some way you could trace the call from your cell phone. 

“To ask what your favorite scary movie is.”

“Fuck off.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“It’s the only one you’re gonna get.” 

“Come on Detective, play a little game with me.”

“Is that what you think this is?” You hissed into the phone. “A fuckin game?” Your heart pounded in your chest. Rage bubbling up and leeching into your voice.

“It is to me.” 

Then with that the line went dead. You swore, tossing your phone onto your desk falling back into your seat. 

Hands scratching your head, fingers twining furiously through your hair.  Eyes squeezed shut as you’re cursed once more before calling your boss and the rest of your team to alert them to this new development.

Another victim was found a few weeks later, a single stab wound to the chest right over the heart.  A Large Bowie knife was left in the body, with a swath of paper folded and held in place by the weapon.

You talked with witnesses and scribbled into your notes after consulting with another officer before turning on your heel to head back to the office. 

Knowing tonight you’d drink a pot of coffee and review how out of character this kill was from the previous victims. Was this even done by the same person? Did you have another murderer out there to watch out for? It made your head spin.

“Detective, I think you need to see this.” A cop named Thomas motioned you over to him holding out the piece of paper just removed from the victim.

You took the now unfolded paper from him eyes roving the page. A large red heart was drawn on it with blood. Whether it was the victims or someone else’s you couldn’t be sure, but that wasn’t the thing that worried you most.

Inside the heart was writing, scratchy red ballpoint pen spelling out in large letters, “Archer.”  A gift, a love letter, a taunt, you weren’t sure which one it was but it made your blood run cold. 

Hot water poured over your skin in the shower, hoping the scalding heat would strip away the knot in your stomach. Whenever you closed your eyes all you could see was the heart, teasing you.

The paper had been placed in an evidence bag and was now being tested but you couldn’t shake the visual from your head. Turning the water off and reveling in the steam before you wrapped a towel around yourself stepping into the bedroom.

All your scattered notes and random photographs littered your home desk and you were starting to feel pathetic at your lack of purchase on this slippery case. How many people needed to end up dead because you couldn’t do your fucking job?

Then the phone rang. A million thoughts ran through your head before you said fuck it and answered. 

“Hello?”

“Did you get my gift?” 

“You’re sick you know that?” You flipped on the tracer you’d installed on your phone after your last call. 

“Detective, I’m wounded. I gave you a lovely gesture of our relationship.”

“The only relationship we have is going to be when I arrest your ass and put you away for the rest of your life.” 

“I love when you flirt back with me.” 

You rubbed your brow absentmindedly, hating how limited you felt. How you felt like back in training being ridiculed by higher ups. 

“Why are you doing this?”

“I enjoy talking to you, Detective.”

“No. Killing people. Innocent people.”

“Who said they were innocent?”

“Who says you get to be judge, jury and executioner?”

If you stalled long enough it’d give your tracer a better chance of locking onto where the call was coming from. Giving you a shred of further evidence.

“You look very nice tonight.”

Your fist subconsciously gripped your towel tighter to your chest. The curtains in your apartment were drawn, and you had checked the lock over four times out of habit.

“How do you know how I look?” You wedged your phone into the crook of you neck, holding it in place as you reached into the end table pulling out your gun and checking the chamber was full.

“Are you close to catching me, Detective? Have I been occupying as much space in your mind as you do mine?”

You padded slowly down the hall, weapon held firm, pointing into each room as you passed. The heat from the bathroom emanated into the kitchen and you swiveled around the corner poised for an attack.

It never came. 

He was toying with you. He wasn’t here. 

“Why would I be in your head?”

You heard a thump back in your bedroom and the hair on the back of your neck stood up at the sound. The line was silent as you waited for a response, slowly inching back towards your room, gun held aloft.

The only sound you could hear was your own heart thundering in your chest as you eased into the doorway, ears straining to hear any other movement. In a rush if adrenaline you tossed the phone onto the bed throwing open the closet door.

It was empty. 

Keeping with your agitated pace, falling to the floor and checking under the bed only to see it bare as well. Angrily snatching the phone back and biting into the mouthpiece.

“Where the fuck are you?!” 

At that you heard footsteps back from the bathroom, thumping through your apartment and your front door being thrown open, the alarm blaring. 

Scrambling to catch up you stumbled into your living room and were greeted by the open door leading into the hallway of your apartment complex broken open, the chain lock busted and scraping back and forth as it hung limply.

The line went dead and you immediately dialed 911, waiting for a familiar operator to answer as you relayed your predicament. When you heard confirmation they were on the way you rushed back into the bathroom to grab your robe.

There on the mirror was drawn a heart, like that from the note found on the victim. The condensation beaded up as it bled in various water droplets from the remaining steam from the shower. 

The months continued on, all leads turning up nil. The tracer you had used only led you to a discarded burner phone in a trash bin by soho. The murders had briefly slowed down.

The phone calls however had not.

Their length and timing varied but it was always the same voice. Slightly skewed but a man’s voice all the same. It had helped you rule out a female suspect. 

The continued goading wasn’t the main thing grating on your nerves. No it would be much simpler if that was it. The true horror was how you began to wait for the calls. 

You refused to use the term, enjoy. But they no longer caused your blood to run cold in the same way. One day to your absolute dismay after a long stressful meeting you actually felt your shoulders unclench when your phone rang.

“Long day Archer?” 

“How can you ask me that when you’re the source of my stress?”

“Am I?”

Besides the phone calls there was the disturbing hints of affection. A bouquet had appeared at your desk at work one day. No note, but you didn’t need one to know who it was from.

Then a bottle of expensive wine was left on the steps of the precinct with another card bearing only a simplistically drawn heart inside.

The bottle was immediately taken in as evidence and dusted for prints. There obviously were none. No matter what you did he was always ten steps ahead. 5D chess in the most infuriating way. 

“How was the wine?”

“If you’re so aware of my every move you’d know I didn’t drink it.”

“Shame, 1913 was supposedly a good year for that merlot.”

“I’m growing tired of our Hannibal Lecter and Clarice dynamic.”

“Who says that’s what we are?”

“WE are nothing.”

A tsk’ing crackled over the line.

“You and I both know that’s not true.”

“Then what are we?”

You put the phone on speaker as you pulled out a container of chinese food leftovers from your fridge. Popping the lid off and shoveling it into a bowl before sliding it into the microwave.

A chuckle came from the other end. You hated how it didn’t feel gross and malicious like it should. 

You continued on, mind listing a slew of options as you watched your food rotate in the microwave.

“Phantom and Christine. Michael Myers and Laurie strode. Billy Loomis and Sidney Prescott.”

“You never did tell me your favorite scary movie.”

you sighed dramatically as the oven dinged and you removed your food, returning it to the counter, pulling your hair into a messy bun.

“You do look stunning Detective. I’m shocked someone of your caliber went into law enforcement.”

“I think it’s unfair you know what I look like and yet Ive never seen you before.”

“Nice try Archer.” You couldn’t suppress the small laugh that shook your shoulders a tad. 

“It was worth a try.”

Walking into work the next morning you were immediately greeted by another detective, John Lawson. His cheeks were ruddy and he seemed to be out of breath.

“What’s going on?”

“We have a photo of our killer.” 

You felt your stomach flip, either from excitement or nerves.

“What?” 

He took out a printed sheet of paper, it showed a dim alleyway and a victim from the other night slumped in the background. 

Sure enough there in the foreground was a man, in a black hoodie, black pants and military boots. The hood pulled up over his head and underneath the hood a stark white mask, covered in a multitude of scratches and cracks that seemed to be painted on.

He was staring straight at the camera, knife glinting in one hand, the other raised in a mock wave.

“Smug bastard.”

—female rage

? // medusa by caravaggio // gregory radionov // artemisia gentileschi // monstrous flesh: on women’s bodies in horror by rebecca harknis-cross // carrie (1976) // corruption by camille norton // midsommar (2019) // helen of troy does countertop dancing by margaret atwood // medusa in her throne by reza sedhi

Past Lives (2023) | dir. Celine Song