People Already Out There Like "that Was A Straight Guys Who Dont Know How To Kiss Men Kiss" And Im Like

Same here. It's funny and lovely - and somehow different from the whole lot of other funny/lovely funart.

A pre-show commission from Thoughtbubble 2019

Which one exactly? I'd say both, though I definitely get what you mean ...

The Eyebrow…

Part 4 the Next Doctor

We drifted here, in the lack-of-light, passing no-time. But we would feel it from so far away... your noisy, boiling universe. We want to travel there, to play your vicious games and win.

Wild Blue Yonder

Part 3 Voyage of the Damned

When I first watched Good Omens 2 I was surprised by the ending. I had been so focused the romance of the season. The Jane Austen, the witty retorts, the dancing, the secrets glancing. I took the bait and when the ending came I fell hook line and sinker. Much like Crowley I felt I had drove into a pot of boiling sulfur. But then looking back I realized if I had actually been following the story we were being told instead as of getting swept up in the romance, I would have realized it was never going to end happily.

The flashbacks are what really foretell the ending. They aren’t just fun romps through history. They serve a purpose. And the purpose is to set up and elaborate upon how Crowely and Aziraphale see the world and each other, and how they see heaven, hell and earth. And what these flashbacks prove is they have huge gaps between the ways they see the world that need to be bridged. Those gaps could have been crossed ages ago but as the flashbacks show multiple times- Crowley and Aziraphale don’t communicate well and that leads to disaster. It will destroy them if they don’t sort it out- I mean their ability to communicate is so lacking that it literally ends with Crowley pointing a gun in Aziraphale’s face and shooting it. And he gets in this pickle because he loves him! Which is pretty twisted! And if the gun wasn’t dangerous enough their friendship them almost gets revealed to hell by zombies- grossly incompetent zombies at that! If Aziraphale hadn’t managed to pull off that magic trick- which easily could have happened. He’s very bad at magic. Who knows what horrible things would have happened to the both of them.

This miscommunication gap also hurts the people around them. If Crowley had explained the why Elspeth was graverobbing to Aziraphale instead of letting him watch and figure out for himself maybe things wouldn’t have gone so far and Wee Morag wouldn’t have ended up dead. Or at least Aziraphale and Crowley could have found away to help Wee Morag that didn’t involved inspiring displays of well… Scottishness? while being drunk on laudanum that end up with Crowley getting sent to hell and tortured (tortured to the point that some people have pointed out that when Crowley gets he asks for holy water for insurance- which is just plain sad and awful, and leads to even more conflict between Aziraphale and Crowley. Or if Aziraphale hadn’t felt the need to plan an entire ball just to dance with Crowley- cause let’s be honesty that’s really why he did it- maybe all of his guests wouldn’t have ended up in danger.

I remember upon watching the episode with the graveyard and Scottish Crowley- being dismayed with how behind ideologically Aziraphale was compared to Crowley. I knew he would do a huge amount of growing in the two centuries to follow. But part of me had filled in the blanks and assumed he would be farther along in that journey by the 1800s. I remember wondering how he was going to catch up in between then and the present day. When I watched the finale episode I realized he hasn’t caught up. He hasn’t quite made the leap away from heaven. He might think he has and Crowley might even be starting to think that too. He even had us as an audience beginning to think he had let go of that baggage But Aziraphale’s problem is he wants to do good . He wants to save the world and heaven with it. he can’t quite give up the ghost- he is too self sacrificial. He’s going to need to learn that he, like many kids of abusive parents- can’t fix the situation he came from. Not without sacrificing himself. He’s going to have to stop running and confront his baggage to truly be free of it. And Crowley on the other hand needs to realize he can’t just run from his past. He needs to reckon with his time as both angel and demon. He needs to grieve what was taken from him instead of just living in opposition to it. Because Crowley’s problem is he too wants to save the world. He just wants to do it in his own (and maybe with Aziraphale, but mostly on his own). He too is way too self sacrificial to the point that he sacrifices himself and his sense of self time and time again all in the name of his own side. His side may be the only truly good one between heaven and hell. But he is only one entity. He has to learn to open up again. To truly open up. Which is why it’s so frustrating that when he finally opens up to Aziraphale in episode 6, things go wrong! But as frustrating as it is, it sets an amazing stage. It gives Aziraphale the chance to build up Crowley’s trust. To build up Crowley’s faith in them as team. So that when Crowley opens his heart again it’s done on his own terms and in a way that is healing. Poor Crowley has been though so much, and he has been through so much of it alone. People can affirm themselves and their path’s in life only so much with out needing some support from others. Notice how Crowley is still living in his car. He never asked if he could move into Aziraphale’s bookshop. He sees himself as a burden, as not good enough for the angelic Aziraphale that he so admires. He probably thinks he would weigh him down. Crowley needs affirmation to heal. He needs to be loved and not loved in a way that’s cloaked with shame, but loved in a way that is able to sit with self comfortable. But Aziraphale is not at the point where he can give that love yet. When that happens he can help Crowley heal from his abandonment by heaven. He’s been picking up after heaven’s mistakes since before his fall. It’s time for someone to take care of him in return. Because as much as Crowley says his actions have nothing to do with heaven or hell, he does still feel burdened by their weight. Now he can’t do this journey just with Aziraphale. He needs to do some of it on his own. Bu he needs love to heal- we all do. So does Aziraphale. They can give each other that. But they have to be ready to. They have to do the work they need to do on themselves to get to that point.

The Resurrectionist (or 'Crowley's dying briefly because character-building, and here's why')

I should start off by saying, friends, that I have written exactly zero books. (Bloody lot of fanfiction, but no actual novels). And I like coffee, but not particularly with oat milk. (The poison's metaphorical, not physical), but... well, you guys can keep both of 'em, because they're just not relevant to this conversation. I am also, as you may have already guessed, not Neil Gaiman. A chick can only speculate, but she does like to back it up with actual evidence.

No, I'm simply here to ask you a question.

What's the single worst thing Heaven could ever do to Aziraphale?

What would drive our angel so far from the clutches of Heaven that he would never, ever wish to return? What would set him unequivocally free from six millenia of assumed responsibility; what would make him realise that God can never change? What would strip everything away from him?

Because of course, this is what we have to do next series. This is Aziraphale's whole arc. If he doesn't try and change things and fail, he will always wonder. Always have a 'what if.' Will never be able to truly move on, will never be free from the eternal abuse cycle.

And so the severing has to be monumental, and everlasting. Then we get our happy ending. Storytelling, loves, done flawlessly. (Again, not a novelist... just a girl who's been writing for over half of her lifetime.)

And so, I ask again:

What's the single worst thing Heaven could ever do to Aziraphale?

And, well, it's a manifold question isn't it, with lots of potential ans - no I'm just kidding. Very simple question, very simple answer.

So congratulations to the very likely hundreds of you who have just said 'murder Crowley,' because a. you're very much correct and b. we've all just predicted the end of series three.

(... I mean, probably not the very end. But the emotional crux, definitely.)

And naturally, I'm not talking discorporation. I'm talking 'wiped from the universe altogether, leaving our angel eternally alone' kinda murder. The real shit. The good shit. Never mind any of this 'editing the Book of Life leading to an ineffable paradox' kinda bullshit - this is Heaven, the natural source point of holy water. One miracled Supersoaker and our demon's ancient history, friends.

Because y'see guys, severing Aziraphale's connection isn't the only problem we face in terms of narrative romance. We've also got Crowley, who has spent six millennia being in love with a guy who just takes, takes, takes... him for granted.

And this is NOT to say that Aziraphale gives him nothing back - he so very clearly does. (I am a consummate Aziraphale apologist, Crowley's just as much of a fool post-series two as our angel is, and Aziraphale needs this, as I've mentioned.) But... Crowley is his teacher. His moral guide. His protector. It mostly goes one way, and despite all of that and him being happy to be that guy for all this time... right when it matters most, Aziraphale (to Crowley, at least) has abandoned him. He's told him he isn't good enough.

(... Which is bollocks. That's not what Aziraphale's said at all, they're both as overprotective as each other and have a desperate, painful longing to keep one another safe in their own best way. But it sure fucking looks like it to CROWLEY, which is what matters.)

And so, we have two issues in achieving our happy-ever-after.

Sundering Aziraphale from Heaven forever;

Ensuring Crowley trusts him fully and knows completely that he is Aziraphale's only choice.

(And also by GOD do they need to have a proper conversation, but that one kinda goes without saying. It'll happen.) We have to even up this relationship; we have to make it absolute narrative equilibrium, and I am absolutely sure Neil knows this probably far better than I do.

... And so, how do we achieve both these things in one hit, whilst also telling a Second Coming story and holding a celestial war?

Well, we kill Crowley. Obviously. Not until episode five or six and after an emotional, romantic reunion of mutual understanding, but... we kill Crowley.

... And then Aziraphale brings him back. Yes, from complete death.

I would like at this juncture to remind you that miracles, apparently (and this is a thing we've just learned guys, almost like it's suddenly going to be relevant ongoing) are measured in Lazarii.

(Great thanks to the Aziraphale to my Crowley, @porgthespacepenguin, for these few screenshots I'm showing off here today. You'd never leave me, not even for my own good. <3)

Lazarii is very obviously named after Jesus' apparently greatest miracle, of raising Lazarus from the dead in the book of John. They managed to achieve twenty-five times the necessary amount of energy it takes to bring someone back from death... without actually fucking trying.

Let's take a look at the book of John a sec. Or more specifically, its eleventh chapter and twenty-fifth verse.

Jesus told her, "I am the resurrection and the life. The person who believes in me, even though he dies, will live."

My thanks to Neil once again for murdering me like Heaven's going to murder Crowley. Cold blood, point-blank.

'Who believes in me.' Huh. Only for the past six thousand years, Aziraphale dear...

Here's a little of what the internet has to say about the number 25 in numerology, by the way.

And may I also remind you at this stage that there is a pub in this series called The Resurrectionist, and only Aziraphale goes into it.

I mean sure, Crowley's booksitting and trying to make the ladies hilariously like him and Aziraphale fall in love in the same way he himself did, but the fact remains... one relevant pub name. One guy. (We all need a narrative excuse sometimes Neil, I get you.)

Considering all this, friends, let me ask you another question. This one's a little more wordy, that's on me.

What do you think would happen when a being capable of raising someone from the dead twelve and a half times over for the sake of his beloved's protection loses said beloved beyond all doubt?

... And this will be after he gains the ultimate celestial power-up, by the way. In case we'd forgotten that that alone is also about to boost Aziraphale to the fucking stratosphere, and finally put him on an equal footing with Crowley. (Who is Lucifer. 'Let there be light' shed on that one.)

... And I think we know the answer, don't we? The kind of miracle that

(You can't see me, but I'm staring into the camera like I'm one of The Office main cast right now.)

This is the kind of power that fucks with reality - the kind of power that scares Heaven and Hell to absolute death, hence Metatron being in the DMs. And crucially, this miracle was boosted because of love. Because of a desire to keep the status quo, their 'own side'. You amplify both those conditions to the nth degree by destroying one of them? It's over, lads. Resurrection is the beginning.

Resurrection evens up a playing field. It destroys Aziraphale and renews him in one hit; it proves to Crowley once and for all that Aziraphale loves him exactly as he is.

... It's a no-brainer, pals.

And what do they do after this? Well, fuck up the celestial order, naturally. I have theories, the main one of them being that they're going to be God and Satan respectively and unite Heaven and Hell in eternal marriage, but... that's just a theory. A television theory.

The resurrection thing? Not so much.

... See, this is the thing, my friends. You don't need to have written a 16k essay predict the future.

All you need is the ability to tell a story, an observant eye for that which is already present, and a simple question. (Followed by a mildly more complex one. It's a working allegory.)

... I'm just going to leave you with this one shot of Aziraphale picking up his own destiny. Because poetic cinema.

(Yom Kippur is a Jewish holiday in which god is judging everyone based on their actions the past year, and decide how they shall live for the next year. Very intense. It's common to ask for forgiveness from those you hurt before Yom Kippur)

Me on Yom Kippur: if I hurt you in any way, please know that I'm sorry.

Friend: I forgive you.

Me: noooooo!!!

“This one’s dedicated to you, pal”

when simm says ‘I don’t know what I’d be without that noise’ and ten says ‘I wonder what I’d be without you’ it makes me so insane because like

they’re both naming something that actively hurts them, that has fundamentally changed who they are and that has made them a darker, less controlled version of themselves. it has caused them so much pain and yet they’re terrified to be without it

for the master, there’s the drums and for the doctor, there’s the master