Barty Teaching Me How To Live My Life, Is Something I Didn't Know I Needed

My psychotic dead gay wizards❣️

Evan: You’ll always be mine, Bee?

Barty: Always, Rosie

Evan: [reaching into his pocket]

Barty: Wait are you fucking proposing??

Evan [pulling out a knife]: What? ‘Course not

Barty: Then what the fuck are you doing?

Evan: Blood oath

Barty:

Barty: Yeah okay

percy hazel and leo looking at each other after the rest of the crew agreed to spend over $500 on fuel for the argo ll

This is such a fun idea. I'm half tempted to write my own story like this😍

"THE WAYNE SIBLINGS READ THIRST TWEETS"

requested by anon

summary: the internet is horny for you, your brothers suffer for it.

pairings: platonic! dick grayson, jason todd, tim drake x batsis! reader

A/N: 18+, on account of horny twitter users ;)

You and your brothers are lined up in a semi-circle, Dick, you, Jason then Tim, each of you sporting different expressions as the cameras begin rolling.

You and Dick are cheerful mirrors of each other, while Jason and Tim look like they'd rather be anywhere but here as the four of you settle into place.

"So today we're going to have you reading thirst tweets, but the twist is, they're all about your sister." The producer says from out of frame. Abruptly, your brother's moods swing violently.

"No!" Dick cheers, the blinding smile plastered across his face never even twitching.

Jason's frown has evolved from "mildly disgruntled" to "about to start shooting people."

Tim, meanwhile, appears to have stopped working altogether. "Timmers?" You giggle, waving a hand across his face.

"Ew... I mean, people find you attractive?" He scrunches up his nose, and your face turns murderous.

"RIGHT! Listen here you little - " you lean across Jason to strangle your little brother when a giggle from somewhere on set reminds you where you are, and you paste on a practised grin.

"I can see why Damian wasn't invited now."

"None of us should have been invited, this shouldn't be happening." Tim mumbled with a thousand yard stare.

Relishing in his stress, you quickly pull a piece of paper from the oversized thirst jug, staring directly at Tim as you read. "Bruce Wayne's daughter could smack me across the face with a brick and I’d say ‘thank you, mommy’"

Tim dry heaves, face a little green.

"Damn, now I can never use that in bed again." Jason grumbles, causing Dick to spit out his water as Tim gags once more.

"You're disgusting." He kicks Jason as you hum in consideration.

"I don't know, I think I could get behind it."

"Never speak again, actually." Tim fires back.

"Well, if you liked that, then you'll love this one: Sit on my face, I'll pay you, anything! please, SIT ON MY FACE! SIT ON MY-” Dick, who's only just recovered from his previous near death experience starts choking again, making you hit his back a little harder than strictly necessary.

Jason starts attempting to take the jug off your hands, but you quickly dance out of the way, "Oh look, this one's not even that bad." Your brothers look sceptical, but they don't stop you, "She's so fine, I'd kill a man just to breathe the same air as her."

"What is with people and committing crimes?" Jason seems genuinely concerned. How chronically offline of him.

"I attract a very passionate demographic." You shrug.

"You attract future convicts," Dick mutters in devastation.

A shit eating grin covers your face as you read the next one, having lulled them into a false sense of security.

"Need her to pull on my hair like a leash as she fucks me into next week with the strap." Dick wails, falling sideways off the chair like a fainting Victorian woman.

"Hmm, you want the pink or the green one, baby?" you smile seductively at the camera.

"That's it! You're done, you're done!" Jason lunges for you at the same time as Dick, your older brother getting the jug whilst you're hauled over Jason's shoulder.

You shriek, but you refused to be deterred, unfolding one of the papers you'd managed to grab before Dick attempted to thwart your fun. "Not to be dramatic, but if Jason’s sister looked me in the eye and said ‘kneel’, I’d hit the floor so fast I’d break my - hey."

Tim pulls the paper from your hands, staring at it like it killed his puppy. "Why are you encouraging this?" Tim gestures accusingly at the Buzzfeed staff members laughing behind the cameras, before he does a double take at the twitter handle.

"Wait... This is from Roy's Twitter account!" Tim yells, whirling on Jason like he's personally responsible for all of his grievances.

"There's one here from Conner too," You clear your throat, holding the paper far above Tim's head with your superior height courtesy of Jason's unwilling help, "I’d treat you right. You ever want someone to make you cum till you forget your own name, hit me up babe."

Your brothers scream, and you’re having so much fun that you only mildly worry about Conner’s safety in the near future.

(You wonder if you’ll have time to take him up on his offer before his inevitable funeral.)

The video ends with a message flashing across the screen: "Several of the tweets submitted came from Wally West's Twitter account. Some were deemed too explicit to share."

If only I had someone to do this for me.. guess I'll stick to my girl dinners

✨Girl Dinner ✨

Simon Riley X Reader

A/N: Not proofread. Will probs go back and edit it. Please don’t throw things at me. xoxo

CW: None

—————————————————————————

If you knew Simon was coming over around dinner time, you would always have a healthy, balanced meal waiting for him. He works so hard and you don’t mind doing this for him. You always made sure to have a protein, starch, vegetable, and a dessert. Need to keep him the big boy he already is. He deserves it, okay!

But what happens when Simon decides to comes by unannounced and he arrives to you having ✨girl dinner✨

Honestly getting hit by a bus might have been better than the day you had at work. Everyone else’s problems somehow became your problem. You swear you work with some of the most incompetent people in your area. You just have to!

No one forecasted rain today either, but here you are soaked almost down to your underwear from the storm. You didn’t think to bring an umbrella and now you are paying the price. Now you are 4 blocks from home, drenched, agitated, hungry, and fucking tired.

Elevator for the win tonight! The thought of going up 4 flights of stairs makes you misty eyed. The hallways to your apartment feels miles longer when you are this tired, but you trudge to the door. Once inside, it’s time for your after work routine. Door locked. Shoes wherever they land. Comfiest pajamas. Latest season of Hell’s Kitchen. Beer in hand. Dinner time!!!!

After staring in your fridge for 10 minutes dissociating to cope with your mundane existence, you grab whatever looks edible and the least amount of work. You finally land on an air fried chicken patty, 3 pieces of swiss cheese, 2 yogurt tubes, a piece of salami, a snack bag of fritos, baby carrots, and half a cucumber. Ah perfect!

You sit down on the couch with a little shoulder shimmy, excited to dig in. As you pick up your chicken patty (uncut and with your fingers because you are not dirtying MORE dishes), three loud knocks reign on your front door. Your left eye twitches for just a moment before you heave a heavy sigh. “I paid my fucking rent.” You say to yourself as you get off the couch. Stomping doesn’t even begin to describe the way your feet the hit floor as you make your way to the door. Sorry Miss. Lutton downstairs!! I’ll have to send her some cookies.

You don’t even look before you swing the door open, ready to cuss out whoever dared to disturb your already horrible day. “What could you possib-“ The word dies in your mouth as your face comes square to your boyfriend’s chest. A chuckle leaves him as he stares down at his little firecracker. You raise your head to look back at him before giving him the most cheesiest, sarcastic smile. “Well hello there handsome. You lost? Why don’t you come on inside and I can help you find your way” You say up to him while putting your hands on your hips and smirking at him. He doesn’t say anything before he shakes his head and sighing. However, the blush on his cheeks doesn’t go unnoticed by you.

You move out of the way as he makes his way in your apartment. He places his boots next to yours and walks his way to your couch. A heavy sigh leaves his mouth as he takes his balaclava off. You smile as you walk toward him and sit down on the couch, giving him your full attention. “So what’s shaking” You bop his nose “Bacon.” He stares at you incredulously. You send a full teeth smile back at him.

“How was work?” He moves on from your weird antics. “Oh the WORST. Samantha would NOT shut up today. I swear to god Brian kept emailing me just to piss me off. We are in the middle of this project and he does 1 thing and then asks what else needs done and-“ You stop talking when you notice his focus is on your plate on the table. “Oh!!! Do you want dinner? I can make something.” You go to get up before two hands pulls you back down onto the couch. A squeak did NOT leave your mouth you do not care what Simon says. (HA)

“What’s all that then?” He points to your untouched beautiful dinner. “My dinner?” You say back in a sarcastic tone “A chicken patty, kids yogurt, 4 baby carrots, half a cucumber, a singular piece of salami, fritos, and 3 slices of cheese. That’s your dinner?” He looks at me with a mix of worry, confusion, and plain humor. “Yes. It’s girl dinner.” You explain back to him. “Girl dinner.” He states back, no real question in his voice. “Yeah. it’s all of the food pyramid. Dairy, meats, veggies, fruit, grains.” You point to each one as you say them. “What’s so wrong?” You look back in confusion. “I’m proud of myself.” You huff before grabbing your plate.

“Lovie. Do you make special meals when I come over?” The slice of swiss cheese in your hand freezes as he says this. “I mean, Yeah. You need a home cooked meal. You deserve a home cooked meal. This is what I normally have.” He stares blankly at you. He stands, says nothing, grabs your plate and takes it to the kitchen. “HEY. I was eating that.” You stand and begin to make your way to the kitchen. “Stop.” You hear and shit yessir. I am stopped.

“Go sit back down.” He says as he grabs pots and pans from the cupboard. “Simon. What are you doing? I am perfectly fine eating my plate I made.” You sit down on the couch and cross your arms. Borderline pouting one would say. “Yeah well i’m not. Sit there and i’ll bring you this when I am done.” You huff and watch television. You hear him mutter to himself periodically. Something along the lines of “the fuck ‘s a girl dinner” and “not eating properly”. 40 minutes, a beer, and an episode of hell’s kitchen later, Simon appears from the kitchen with homemade chicken parmesan, a side salad, and garlic bread. He places the plate on the coffee table and returns to the kitchen to get us drinks. You can’t lie, your stomach starts to grumble at the smell. He returns with 4 beers and places a kiss on the crown of your head before sitting down next to you and mauling his plate.

Okay so maybe girl dinner has NOTHING on something Simon made from. You can come to terms with that. “No more special meals just for me. We will cook together on nights i’m here and i’ll make sure you have enough groceries the other nights i’m not.” You look at him quizzically. “You don’t have to do that.” He stops eating, smiles at you, and kisses your forehead. “Want to.” You smile back at him and settle in to eat your meal, courtesy of the love of your life.

Sobbing, be right back 💔🥹

hello! Since you said you’re taking marauders fanart requests:

can you draw a fluffy dorlene one of them cuddling on a couch, or a really sad one of bartys reaction to regulus/evan’s death, or to both? If not it’s perfectly fine. have a great day/night and remember to take care of yourself!

<3

Can someone please, please pretty please recommend me fics where one of the bat siblings get into a fight with Damian and say something mean and storm off, and Damian is just a little baby and starts crying. Then he's trying so hard to get his brother to talk to him, but they're ignoring him, and it starts to affect patrol, and it's just pure chaos of every other bat member to get them to talk. It eventually progresses to Damian just breaking down in front of that sibling and begging to have a conversation, because he's a child and doesn't understand, and they finally do and all is forgiven because they're family 💝.

Or you know something similar

Sigh looks like I'm going to have to burn my ex's house down...again...

Ghost: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.

Ghost: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Soap: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

bruce + baby sketch dump

This fucking thread about JK Rowling's shit world building.

~new year's eve party at the Weasley's~

Y/n, who's extremely drunk: Harold, I have something to tell you but it's a secret okay!

Harry who is very sober: Y/n, I won't tell a soul.

~later on~

Harry: RON! RON! RON! Y/N HAS A CRUSH ON ONE OF YOUR BROTHERS!

Ron who is also very very drunk: BLOODY HELL! SERIOUSLY?!? ohhhh I wonder who it is... Percy? No he's a git...Charlie?! No, she doesn't really know him that well... BILL?!? Wait no, he's engaged... George? Wait or is it Fred? Wait which one of them is which....oh crap....*big gasp* WHAT IF ITS GINNY?! Wait no, she's my sis-

Harry:... It's Fred

Ron: OHHHHHH!!!

Ron:

Ron: which one of them is Fred again?