Yall Are Pro Mental Illness Until They Hallucinate

If you wish you were manic read this:

The consequences will be disastrous

You may lose your job/get bad grades

You will yell at people

You will lose friends/quarrel with family

The money you spend won't just reappear

You will neglect basic hygiene

Manic episodes physically hurt your brain

You will struggle with cognitive issues for a long time even after the episode passes

You can get imprisoned

After you come out of an episode you will be ashamed and guilty

It's not worth it

Fall in love with your stability

Mania can be good at first but you know what happens later

You can't stop a full blown episode

Psychosis

Paranoia

Narcissism

Being semi verbal feels like my first language isn't English and I can barely speck it and form together sentences with mouth words (and text if overwhelmed or burned out enough) , plus misunderstanding people and struggling to understand social cues and etc its like I'm a foreigner in a foreign country (or maybe even someone from a different dimension)

being a teenager girl is actually livinghell

I think I’m hungry… Or have to throw up, I don’t know. I’m hydrated and I just went to the toilet, so this can’t be the cause. Hm…

Stay tuned next for “what is my body trying to tell me?” 🤷‍♀️

I am once again begging several companies and important services (hospitals, GPs, etc.) to allow forms of contact other than verbally calling. Even with special numbers for that kind of thing, oftentimes the people running these services will still call back ignoring issues such as deafness or mutism, and then act as though you were in the wrong for lack of response - even if informing them of your condition beforehand.

I was fully mute for a few years, and the amount of times medical professionals ignored this and tried to call me for verbal discussions, or didn't provide another method of contact, was abysmal. They even demanded verbal calling by phone to be let into the building. So many services need to do better about this, and so do several companies. Not everyone can talk (even if they can hear), and not everyone can hear (even if they can talk). I am begging these services to do better.

I want to be a writer; to translate my pain into flowery words. I want to be a writer—a good one, able to bloom petals in her wounds.

Something that a lot of people don’t realize is that once you get even the most shy, introverted history major talking about their favorite area of history they will talk for hours if you let them. 

Most of the history majors that I know have one or two periods/families/people that they are intensely interested in. If you attempt to tell them that it’s boring or doesn’t matter they will fight you and proceed to inform you of how it provides context for such and such historical event, power dynamic, movement, or invention. Even just imagining someone telling me that history is irrelevant makes me want to argue about why it’s useful, relevant, and important and what skills you can learn from studying it.

I think that this is also  true for most people that are interested in a history related field. 

Autistic school trauma is:

knowing you’re disliked, but not being able to know why

consistently being called out for your stims because they’re “disruptive” or “annoying”

trying to simply mesh in with others to avoid getting targeted

suppressing your anger to the point that you feel it’s not justified

never being able to form connections no matter how hard you try, and thinking it’s your fault

being able to form connections but never being able to be true to yourself or set boundaries since you’re so used to being disrespected

witnessing ableism from classmates but not doing anything about it because they’ll just invalidate you

never feeling like your opinions can be validated because you’re “weird”

being outcasted by your classmates constantly

having classmates either let you know outright or subtly that you’re disliked

eventually believing that you deserve to be disliked

suffering from chronic low self esteem that affects your grades, your ability to function, and even your ideas of love

frequently getting into toxic/codependent friendships

having teachers criticize you constantly for your symptoms

living from a complex of never being good enough

feeling like you have to reach a neurotypical standard on a daily basis and if you don’t, you’re incompetent

if you’re feeling any of these things because of school, autistic or not, know that what you are experiencing is trauma, and that your trauma is valid. You don’t deserve to be in a school environment where you are consistently criticized or made to feel like you don’t belong nor can’t be good enough. You deserve an environment that makes you feel safe enough to be neurodivergent, to be yourself. You deserve to feel loved, to feel cared for, exactly as you are, with no strings attached.

Me on the weekly 🤧