If You Wish You Were Manic Read This:

When you're nervous to use aac even though you need it because you don't want to "annoy " anyone or make things "harder" for them

Early Diagnosed Autistic peeps and Loss of Autonomy

I honestly get depressed reading my reports when I got diagnosed with autism when I was 5. Development delay, underachiever in language skills, reasoning skills, fine motor impairment, lack of speech fluency and lack of self esteem (no really I was terribly anxious).

I had interventions to improve my skills I can’t deny that. but at the cost of pathologizing me and making my mom dreadful of my prognosis. My childhood was me being aware of my pathological nature and that is traumatizing enough.

Bc I have this constant need to prove I’m able enough and I’m not too disabled that is costing too much of my mental health. I’m concerned about many today early diagnosed autistic kids. They come from a age where there is a lot of misinformation that their parents follow either to “treat their symptoms” or just to reinforce their ableist bias.

Besides that early diagnosed kids tend to have way less autonomy than their NT peers. We lose our position to speak so that our parents and institutions can speak over us in their own limited lenses. That is traumatizing. That is why you don’t hear a lot of early diagnosed kids’ perspectives. Not because they tend to be the ones with more limitations to speak as people want us to believe and there is AAC for a reason. Not just because it’s more difficult to have a ealy diagnosis. it’s ableism.

A chronic loss of autonomy and infantilization. Always being spoke over because they just keep assume that you can’t. You can’t speak for yourself. Well here is a thing. WE CAN SPEAK FOR OURSELVES.

I can. I always could given the proper accommodations. I knew what I needed to say. But after spending too much time unable to speak for myself took me a toll and now I become angry when I feel like people know better about my needs than me. Therefore, I’m perpetually mad.

“Public libraries are such important, lovely places!” Yes but do you GO there. Do you STUDY there. Do you meet friends and get coffee there. Do you borrow the FREE, ZERO SUBSCRIPTION, ZERO TRACKING books, audiobooks, ebooks, and films. Have you checked out their events and schemes. Do you sign up for the low cost courses in ASL or knitting or programming or writing your CV that they probably run. Do you know they probably have myriad of schemes to help low income families. Do you hire their low cost rooms if you need them. Have you joined their social groups. Do you use the FREE COMPUTERS. Do you even know what your library is trying to offer you. Listen, the library shouldn’t just exist for you as a nice idea. That’s why more libraries shut every year

This is so true. I believe people should do what they need to to feel more comfortable just existing. I wish I could use my aac app more often, but my parents refuse to believe that my speech issues are still as bad as they once where. I was nonverbal for over 7 years growing up and just recently been able to talk a little bit with my speaking voice but now it’s getting hard again. I don’t know why it’s hard again. I went to speech therapy for years and now that I’ve stopped it’s like everything is just getting worse.

I made a small set of communication cards to wear on a lanyard. It's nothing super fancy, just index cards with basic info and sentences on them.

I don't know if I'll ever need need them because I can usually force at least some words or short sentences out even when it's really hard. I'm not sure if what I have is severe enough to be considered selective mutism, or any other specific, diagnosable speech issue, because I can technically still talk a bit.

Still, I do have autism and anxiety that make verbal speech hard, and I'm tired of constantly pushing myself to speak. Just because I can talk doesn't mean it's easy for me, or easy for other people to understand. I find myself trying to avoid people in case they want me to talk. Often I have to stutter the same word or two several times before I can find the rest of the words needed to finish the sentence. I've broken down crying while trying to ask simple questions at school. My autism and anxiety are real and difficult even if they aren't "severe" enough to make it 100% impossible to speak.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's okay to accommodate for oneself even if you don't need need it, or can technically survive without it. You don't deserve to suffer just to look normal or be more convenient for other people.

If AAC makes communication easier, even if you can technically speak, do it! If using a mobility aid would make it less painful to go places, even if you can technically walk, do it! If turning on subtitles helps you understand videos, even if you can technically make out some of the dialogue without them, do it! You shouldn't have to wait until you're completely unable to do whatever you need to do before you make it comfortable for yourself.

Unless you're literally ripping that disability aid from someone else's hands, you're not stealing resources from anyone. And you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you're using disability aids. If someone else doesn't think you need it enough to deserve it, that's on them.

accommodations i’ve had approved as an autistic college student

helloooo today i finally had a meeting with the disability office and have accommodations after 2 years of being in college without them. im autistic and have cptsd/dissociative issues and had a hard time finding what was even available to me to request for accommodations so i wanted to make a list to help anyone else who might be having trouble.

• Priority registration

i get to register for classes earlier each term to make sure i can create schedules that’ll work for my routine

• Extended time on assignments

self explanatory i think? was also offered extended time on tests or a separate room to take them but testing isnt where i struggle

• Flexible attendance

as long as i email beforehand i dont have to stick as strictly to professors attendance policies

• Alternative formats

if i buy a physical textbook i can request the ebook/pdf/audiobook for free to have multiple methods of studying depending on what works for me on a given day

• Note taking

allowed to audio record class and send to a service called messenger pigeon who will give me a transcript of the class and professional notes based on it

• Access to lecture notes

able to access professors lecture notes prior to class/instruction

• Devices

allowed to have phone/ipad/laptop for social buffering and notes in classes that may have policies against electronics

• Flexible participation

no cold calling, option to work alone for group projects/assignments, not required to present in front of class

if anyone has any questions lmk these are just what i have been able to get at my school so far! hope it helps

edit: this is blowing up so fellow autistics, students, language nerds, etc pls be my mutual i want friends lol my dms are also open any time !!

Autistic school trauma is:

knowing you’re disliked, but not being able to know why

consistently being called out for your stims because they’re “disruptive” or “annoying”

trying to simply mesh in with others to avoid getting targeted

suppressing your anger to the point that you feel it’s not justified

never being able to form connections no matter how hard you try, and thinking it’s your fault

being able to form connections but never being able to be true to yourself or set boundaries since you’re so used to being disrespected

witnessing ableism from classmates but not doing anything about it because they’ll just invalidate you

never feeling like your opinions can be validated because you’re “weird”

being outcasted by your classmates constantly

having classmates either let you know outright or subtly that you’re disliked

eventually believing that you deserve to be disliked

suffering from chronic low self esteem that affects your grades, your ability to function, and even your ideas of love

frequently getting into toxic/codependent friendships

having teachers criticize you constantly for your symptoms

living from a complex of never being good enough

feeling like you have to reach a neurotypical standard on a daily basis and if you don’t, you’re incompetent

if you’re feeling any of these things because of school, autistic or not, know that what you are experiencing is trauma, and that your trauma is valid. You don’t deserve to be in a school environment where you are consistently criticized or made to feel like you don’t belong nor can’t be good enough. You deserve an environment that makes you feel safe enough to be neurodivergent, to be yourself. You deserve to feel loved, to feel cared for, exactly as you are, with no strings attached.

04,08,2024

counting helps

When your friend recommends a show to you but you’re on the spectrum

Friend: You should watch (show or movie that has nothing at all to do with your special interest)!

Me, knowing full well that I won’t: Haha, I’ll check it out!

all your stuffed animals love you. they're not sad if they're in a box, or on the floor, or not held/played with as much. they understand. they know that you might need another stuffie more, or that you don't have enough space. they're just happy to be with you, and if you ever give them away, they'll be happy there too. stuffies are for comfort. they understand. they love you too. it's okay.

i want to talk about the ~feeling~ of making art, forever. drawing these kinda lines is very soothing to me. what it looks like is not as important as the process. that’s why kids are the best artists because they don’t overthink it and just make. they don’t usually ask for an eraser when they want to draw and they’re not building up a whole image in their head before they even start. they’re in the moment, as honest as possible