This Is So True. I Believe People Should Do What They Need To To Feel More Comfortable Just Existing.

This blog is not participating in the Tumblr "Blackout"

Why? It's the start of Disability Pride month. Much of the systems in society are deliberately hostile to disabled folk, even the ones that are supposed to "help" them. Pride last month around the world held events that weren't accessible for disabled queers. These people are routinely cut out from society, assaulted, harrassed, and treated less than second class. People will physically move people in wheelchairs out of their way, cut them off, and stand in front of them as they try to move. They're shamed, insulted, laughed at, and mocked.

I know many are upset about Tumblrs recent changes, but if you truly want to help increase the accessibility of this site, especially for the sight or hearing impared or those who need to use third party applications to help them navigate the site, then a blackout isn't the way to do it. What you can do is add disability tags to your liked tags, or search up disability tags and see what disabled folk are saying they need from the site and either pay to blaze or come together as a community to amplify their voices and drown out ableists that constantly put them down. Disabled people face unique bigotry and deserve to have their needs blasted to the crowd and actions taken by abled folk to help them in the way they ask to be helped. One of the biggest issues I commonly see is abled folk assuming they know whats best for someone with a disability. If you're not disabled in the way someone else is, never assume you know what their needs are; always ask and listen closely.

This is a link to the proposed blackout and further reasons at the bottom why you shouldn't join this attempt, largely because Tumblr is set up in such a way that a blackout would do nothing but silence disabled voices:

Do not join the blackout. Go support disabled folk instead. Sit down and listen to them. They've a lot to be angry about, and it's damn time people listened.

Something that a lot of people don’t realize is that once you get even the most shy, introverted history major talking about their favorite area of history they will talk for hours if you let them. 

Most of the history majors that I know have one or two periods/families/people that they are intensely interested in. If you attempt to tell them that it’s boring or doesn’t matter they will fight you and proceed to inform you of how it provides context for such and such historical event, power dynamic, movement, or invention. Even just imagining someone telling me that history is irrelevant makes me want to argue about why it’s useful, relevant, and important and what skills you can learn from studying it.

I think that this is also  true for most people that are interested in a history related field. 

unfortunately if you are an old friend of mine i will always care about you no matter what even if we haven't seen each other in forever because i still remember what you were like 7 years ago and i still remember how it felt to be young with you and i still have a lot of love for you in the back of my mind

I want a mommy too

I thought becoming a mother would heal me

Although my son’s tender cuddles do warm me

It does not console my inner lonely child

I thought having a good mother in law could do

Although her support and strength inspire me

Her presence isn’t soothing to my brokenness

I’ve tried to fill this void in many ways

Yet I find myself having to accept the absence

Of a mother who is unconditionally there

A mother who knows me because she is me

A mother who loves me because I am hers

A mother who doesn’t judge and just shows up

A mother who feeds me without me asking

I’ve met many wonderful mothers who love me

They say they feel motherly towards me

They say they see me as another daughter

But I can feel the distance

And it’s not because they don’t love me

And it’s not because they don’t mean their words

It’s only because no one can love you like yours

I tried so many times to get mine to love me

Despite her illness and despite her toxicity

But she has no love to give

She has no capacity to take any responsibility

She can’t fill the void for she is a void herself

She has no warmth even for herself

She only takes from others

She forced me to not only be motherless

But to give her motherly love

And I wonder

If I’ve lived other lives

Did I have good mothers?

Because this lonely feeling has always felt familiar

As a little girl, it felt fitting to be alone

The abuse and neglect didn’t feel so shocking

And oh the despair, to feel fated to this

To feel like there’s no place to flee this

This desperate feeling

This dreadful feeling

This deafening feeling

That this kind of love I yearn for just isn’t for me

-PF

i want to talk about the ~feeling~ of making art, forever. drawing these kinda lines is very soothing to me. what it looks like is not as important as the process. that’s why kids are the best artists because they don’t overthink it and just make. they don’t usually ask for an eraser when they want to draw and they’re not building up a whole image in their head before they even start. they’re in the moment, as honest as possible

Things I Wish I Knew Going into College

Listen up mother fuckers. Here’s the truth about college. No sugar coating, none of that cutesy shit. Here’s what I wish I knew before I stepped foot on campus.

When people say communal bathrooms aren’t that bad what they actually mean is people will leave their dirty underwear in the showers, used tampons, clean their dishes in the bathroom sink, and leave their explosive diarrhea everywhere. If you really don’t think you need shower shoes, think again.

If you know you are not strong in a particular subject, PLEAAASE seek help. Find a tutor or really good friends that are willing to help you because when you get a D in math because you didn’t seek help even though you knew you fucking sucked at math you’ll regret it because that stupid ass shit tanked your GPA.

You will have professors and TAs (teaching assistants) that give absolutely no fucks about actually teaching. If this ends up being the case, use your resources, learn to teach yourself, Quizlet is your friend.

People might seem so nice in the first week, but I promise you, when welcome week is over and there’s no more free food, they won’t ever look your way again. The ones who stick with you after that, cherish them.

The grind is real. Don’t expect to do the minimum and pass my friend. Because you will fail. I promise you. Sometimes you gotta stay up until 3AM because you’ve got two papers due, a speech to write, and math homework that you didn’t realize was actually due at 11:59pm the previous night. So if you’re going to college just to say you went to college, leave immediately.

With that said, you might realize that college isn’t even for you. And that’s okay. Just remember the thousands of dollars you’ve spent and make your decisions accordingly. But know that college is not the only way to be successful or make money.  There are lots of sugar daddies out there.

You might change your major 2392897 times. It’s honestly whatever. You’ll figure it out and it will be fine.

I know you’ve already heard this one but I swear it’s fucking true. You will not want to drag your dead body out of bed to go to a fucking 8am class. I don’t care if you’re a morning person. Just don’t do it. Trust me. Trust anybody who says this. 

Free stuff is the best stuff.

Sometimes you just need to sit down and have a glass of wine. Or see a therapist. Whichever works for you.

You don’t have to drink or do drugs, but you might feel pressured to. Do whatever you want but make sure you are always safe, smart, and with people you can trust and know will take care of you after you’ve had that 12th drink and can’t even stand up straight.

No one really cares what you wear, how you look or what you do because we’re all too busy trying to figure out how to do 20 hours of homework, 6 hours of studying AND fit in 8 hours of sleep. 

Sometimes lectures are so pointless that you could teach yourself in 30 mins rather than sit for 2 hrs in a lecture. I’m not saying skip lectures, but I am saying that the more time you have, the more sleep you can get.

You’re funny af if you actually think you’re gonna get a full 8hrs of sleep. Try again.

College is your chance to reinvent yourself. Be very careful who you choose to become. Just don’t be that person who corrects the professor or types really fucking loud on their macbook during every fucking lecture.

Listen, you can really do whatever you want to do. You wanna be hoe? Do it. You wanna party Thursday through Saturday? Do it. Weed Wednesday? Go for it. But you sure as hell better show your ass to class and watch that GPA.

Nobody likes a snitch. Mind ya business.

Don’t let anybody make you feel like you do not deserve to be there. Because they will try you and you can still get a ticket for fighting. Except this time you’ll be charged for assault. 

Don’t wear your favorite shoes to a party. Don’t wear open toes shoes to a party. The floors of a frat house or a house party are filthy. Don’t bring a purse, always use the buddy system, watch out for creeps cause they be out there.

Nobody cares who you were in high school, no one wants to know your ACT score or whether you were valedictorian. Shut up. Y’all got into the same damn college. No one cares.

If you’re going to bullshit something, do it well.

Do the readings because when your ass gets called on during discussion because your TA wants to know what you think about Mondrian’s take on contemporary art and you don’t know, you gonna look stupid as hell.

You might have a really cool roommate, or you might have a roommate that has sex with her boyfriend on your bed. There’s no in-between.

Bring A LOT of storage for your dorm.

If you see students napping in weird places, crying in the bathroom, or smoking weed on their dorm roof-top, it be like that sometimes.

Find a really good place to study. DO NOT study in your room because you associate your room with sleep so that’s what you’ll want to do instead of study If you study in your room.

Freshman 15 ain’t real.

SAFE SEX. THESE HOES DIRTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

College sucks sometimes, but put your mental health first. Sometimes you gotta skip class to take care of yourself and that is perfectly okay. You do not have to justify yourself or your decisions to anyone.

Good luck. I hope you survive. But if you don’t, like I said, there are always sugar daddies out there. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk y’all. 

• Fidgeting and stuttering do NOT always indicate that someone is nervous.

• Avoiding eye contact does NOT always mean someone is lying.

• Having a hard time focusing does NOT always mean someone is lazy.

• Carrying around a stuffed animal or blanket does NOT make someone childish.

• Poor motor skills is NOT a direct indication of intelligence.

Not everyone fits into your box. Deal with it.

Some things I do to help manage my depression after a manic episode:

Find a good audiobook to listen to so i don't have to waste energy actually reading

Limit my time on social media

Let myself indulge in video games when I'm off work

Always have frozen foods for any meal in the freezer. I have pancakes and these honey meat and cheese crescent rolls I made for breakfast. I have random staples for other meals like diced cooked chicken, different types of veggies, mini potstickers, egg rolls, a pizza, etc

Stay stocked up with all sorts of soups. Sometimes a hot bowl of nutritious soup will set me right for an hour or so

Stretch in the morning and try to have a sip of water after

Use a water flosser and mouth wash when I don't want to brush my teeth

I like to make pasta sauce in bulk and freeze it so I always have fresh pasta sauce on hand

I make indulgent dessert teas with way too much sugar and chocolate

Make myself do a single chore a day no matter how awful it is. I sometimes cry the entire time even. Just 1 though dealers choice. I usually make the bed or do a load of laundry if I'm out of underwear

Blast music

If I feel the need to hurt myself, I do an intense workout instead

Sit in a small, dark room with a soft blanket and let myself be angry and sad and cry and kick and yell. I find being able to get the emotions out like this helps me a lot

Go to bed early and sleep in a bit

Play games on my phone instead of doomscrolling

Make myself have a glass of water in between other drinks so I can at least be semi hydrated. I get dehydrated very easy and it makes my mental worse

Give myself sweet treats as rewards. Things I normally wouldn't ever get

Go sit by the water and watch the snails or crabs walk around

Everyone is different so these things may or may not help you and that's ok. I'm just sharing things that help me. Some definitely take a lot of energy to do and I've found that pushing myself a little more every day helps me recover faster as long as it's paired with plenty of sleep and rest otherwise.