My Boss: *giving Me Critical Instructions* You Got That?

jokes that will literally never not be funny to me:

saying “speedrun strats” every time you fuck up

saying “first try” when you’ve tried the thing like 15 times, minimum

Yeah you could say I’m doing numbers on tumblr. And that numbers? One

we should all kill ourselves

i had you going there for a second, didn’t i? no. maybe. shut up.

my clearest memory from high school is my best friend asking if i’d brought gym clothes and me asking “who the fuck is jim”

their scared cus they never saw a sandwich that big. but the dad has to look brave for his son

any room can be a panic room if you just give me a fucking second

slowly approaching bear

theyre adding a new piece to the chess board its called the prince and basically he fags it up out there

Dylan: That feeling when you walk into a room and can't remember why.

*werewolf burst into the room*

Dylan: That's right! I was getting chased