I Kill You

renaissance in the 21st century

Just remember 60 people signed on to stab Caesar and he only had 23 stab wounds, the real moral of the story is group projects have always just been like that

Seventh Day Adventists want to be Jewish so bad but the SDA isn't ready to hear that

Collect shitty knives and used lighters. Carry one of each in your pocket, they’ll come in handy. Straight up who’s gonna stop you now? Pick up a balisong and learn some tricks, it’ll be so sick when you can show them to someone you really like later. Same with zippos, play around and see if you can flick it in a unique way, and make it muscle memory. Throw your keys and some useful shit on a carabiner and put it on your belt. Wallet chains too, you can’t deny how sick they are. Fuck, hop on a skateboard, the impact of the ground becomes cathartic when you remember what it’s all for. Listen to lots of music and develop lots of opinions on it, before you know it you’ll have a back catalogue of shit to talk to people about, and then you’ll suddenly be someone who has sick recommendations. You can also just be a bit of a hooligan, climb shit, jump on it, have so much visible, mischievous fun that it’s contagious. Wear really shitty smudgy makeup and OWN it, it’s so hot. Shoulder check your pals and smile at them cheekily, make special handshakes with them, doesn’t matter if you have “your boys”, play with whoever is near, don’t wait til it’s perfect and the time is right

You can just start doing stuff whenever you want

You have been sentenced to death in a magical court. The court allows all prisoners to pick how they die and they will carry it out immediately. You have it all figured out until the prisoner before you picks old age and is instantly transformed into a dying old man. Your turn approaches.

genuinely so scary that you can't access the page on the ssc website that guides you through changing your sex designation. so so fucking scary. they are already making our lives harder. they are already taking what little resources we have.

Most of the time, if you do something odd you're not allowed to do, getting you out of there is all that people are really concerned with. If you haven't stolen anything, caused any material damage, and clearly have no intention to put up a fight over being removed from the situation, you're not worth the trouble of getting you into trouble. Somebody who's unloading boxes from a company van to a storage and comes back to the truck to find that some weirdo has climbed inside the van through the open back doors doesn't get paid enough to forcibly physically detain you until the police arrive.

Most likely they just go "dude. could you like fuck off? you're not supposed to be there." And as soon as you shrug like "yeah lmao I know, sorry, impulse overtook me" and clearly proceed to comply with the request to fuck off, you're free to go, they're just relieved that you're gone. Most people aren't hell-bent on vengeance and punishment, they just want you to stop being their problem.

all I want is to have a room that looks like I'm old biology professor whose been away from human civilization for half a century in the forest who spends my evenings reading old books researching about cryptids with my cat surrounded by my many treasures and trinkets I've collected over the years and my many, many growing plants that nearly take over all of my house.

req'd by @thedragonemperess

oh just the usual

text: What the fuck is wrong with you other than the obvious